‘Look,’ he said bragging
‘I can twirl the pencil across my fingers!’
Little did they know
that it would be the only thing she couldn’t do,
and the only thing he could…
Age is nothing but a number.
A number that defines the days we spent living in the world. A number that defines where we are, or should be, in our lives and maturity levels. A number that defines how we should think, act, and be. A number that restricts our being into being what it should and shouldn’t be.
A number.
Some people perceive themselves younger. Some believe their minds are older, probably even think they are wiser. Born wise, they say. But what ages us? How many years have we spent not learning, not living, and not growing where the only difference is the number of candles on our cake. So if we didn’t grow, how can the number go forward? And if we forget and change our perspectives, why doesn’t the number turn back?
Back in time to what was.
But can you un-see what was seen? Can you unlearn what was learnt? Can you spare yourself the heartbreak and the major lesson that you still hold onto. The lesson that gained you ten years or more.
When a person chooses to live shut away from people, does he grow? When time ticks and nothing happens, does time proceed or does it stop? When we are still, why does time pass us by?
In our minds, the age we see ourselves is the age that mattered most to us. The time we peaked (and hopefully we shall peak again), but in the meantime, our memories from that age live on, so technically, if you see yourself as an 18 year old and can swear by the moon and the stars in the sky (I swear- Boys2men), then you are living in that era. In that age.
Time should not pass.
In the mirror, do you see who you are or do you think you see what is? Do you exist now or then? And if time has passed, shouldn’t you have stayed with time?
Living in the past is never the best place to live, but to question every decision made helps clear your way forward. Nostalgia for what was should fuel what is and what should be.
But when your mind and soul are living in a different era, how can you pull yourself forward? How can you pull yourself back to your age?
Age is nothing but a number.
Disclaimer: It is safe to say that this post is based on no scientific research whatsoever. You are encouraged to try out the different therapy methods listed in cases of a bad mood ranging from “mild” to “medium”. In cases of a really bad mood, your therapy may take a bit longer.
When a woman is in a bad mood, she tends to feel like everything is falling into pieces. Everything they love look awful, everyone they know don’t pick up the phone, and they feel like they never achieved any of the goals they decided on years ago. We’ve all been through this. We all know how it feels. So what can be done?
1- Breathe. It’s alright to feel bad, you are not a robot and have all the excuse in the world to have bad days. Do not feel guilty and do not let anyone tell you that you’re always “in a bad mood.” Try to come to accept that you feel bad.
2- Remove yourself from the current situation you are in. If you are feeling bad because of a conversation you are having on the phone, then close the phone. If you are feeling bad because of a colleague at work, then go somewhere else.
3- Find someone who will listen. This person is usually the same person you go to every time you are having a bad day. A friend, a parent, a spouse, a sibling, whoever is there to listen. I am not telling you that you should talk, just give yourself the option to talk so whenever you feel like talking you’re with the right person.
4- Find something fun to do. This is usually shopping. Yes, simply shopping. It starts with a cup of coffee, a walk around the mall to see what’s on sale, and an indulgence of impulse buying. Try your best not to buy over an assigned budget. (The person you choose in #3 should help in reeling you in when you’re starting to go overboard)
5- Eat something good. A good dish filled with many many many calories. This dish and/or meal must contain the 3 C’s: carbs, cheese, and caffeine.
6- Shop again. The physical labor done by walking around actually helps with your negative feelings; you’re basically working out! Also, you are constantly speaking to your “person” so you’re maintaining good speed in which you are not out of breath.
7- Make sure you are carrying all the shopping bags. Do not let anyone help you and do not put the small bags into the bigger bags. You need to see the number of bags you are carrying. This will make you happy. Have you ever seen a woman with many shopping bags look sad or frustrated? No.
8- If you are going through a really tough time, go for shoes and makeup. They don’t require you getting into the fitting room (which may be dangerous in some cases). Regardless of the amount of weight you may have increased, your shoe size would not differ. Makeup is symbolic of hiding your sad feelings so the more makeup you buy the more sadness you will hide.
9- When you get home, place all your bags on the floor and leave them there. Do not open anything. Live the moment. Get yourself something good to drink and eat. This snack may contain sugar but no caffeine. You are trying to wind down.
10- Get into the shower. Take a shower or a bath, whatever you choose. Give yourself time to feel the water wash away the pain. Sing in the shower, you sound good.
11- Pamper yourself. Brush your hair, paint your nails (you could get a professional manicure in severe cases). Focus on yourself.
12- Do something you like. Watch a movie, a funny TV show, read a book, chat online, catch up on gossip.
13- Sleep earlier than usual. You need to heal.
In conclusion, happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy, choose to smile, and choose shopping therapy 101.
We humans are more fragile than we think. We believe the world is ours to conquer, that the human race was able to evolve over time and is now in control of the world. The human race was able to land on the moon, discover nuclear energy, find cures for many sicknesses, and converse with other human being on a different continent with a simple call. We humans believe that the world is in our hands but what we fail to consider is that all the accomplishments done by humans and those which we are so proud of are a summation of many years and many steps and many mistakes.
Yes, people put goals and strive for excellence. Everyone wants the best for themselves and their loved ones and thus we are working hard to accomplish our dreams. We wake up everyday thinking of a game plan: what needs to be done, who needs to be where, and who will be benched for the first few hours. Sometimes, we bench our heart alongside the many feelings that proved time and again that they just get in the way. So we run alongside our brains with the goal in mind forgetting our heart benched for a bit too long.
And yet we forget that it takes one wrong step and it could all be over. Life as we know it can take a different route towards one we don’t recognize as our own. The problem with “givens” in our life is that there are no givens. In computer programming, we make sure that “if sun rises and the alarm clock rings at 7 a.m., we wake up.” Life is not as easy as a computer program. Many people had the sun rise and the alarm ring at 7 a.m. but woke up different. Woke up with a headache, woke up with a sprained neck, woke up an hour earlier, and some never woke up.
It takes a small spike in the blood pressure to change things. It takes a small aneurysm, a growing mass we never knew was growing, or a simple quitting by the old ticker. A clot in the wrong place, a sneeze in the wrong time, or a handshake filled with a virus. We are too fragile to take life for granted.
There are no guarantees.
No reason to take your days for granted.
Everyday is a blessing.
Happy New Year!!
With the beginning of the new year, resolutions take an interesting place in our lives. People who have not considered goals for the past 11 months have typed up or wrote on a piece of paper, using great penmanship, their goals. I have also typed up different lists in previous years but this year, I thought I would approach the new year differently.
In my mind, I know what I want. I know what I’m aiming towards, and I know what matters to me. I know my shortcomings, I know my strengths, and I know the people I’d like to keep in my life and those I would rather not have around.
So it’s the first day of the new year and I haven’t written my resolutions, didn’t update my vision board, and didn’t set deadlines for weight loss and schedules for play dates. I would rather spend the first day in gratitude.
This may seem to you as a very cheeky post as many people are so keen on starting something new, new challenges and new hope, whereas here I am trying to pull them back, pressing the break, and asking them to breathe.
Yes, breathe.
Breathe in the air. Feel the air around you, you are alive. You are alive and conscious. You are in this world aware of what is going on, that’s something.
Gratitude.
Gratitude for being alive and well. Gratitude for a good year, gratitude for not having lost anyone this year. Gratitude for having my parents and seeing them everyday. Gratitude for two healthy boys, gratitude for a loving husband, gratitude for wonderful siblings.
Gratitude.
Gratitude for not living in a war zone. Having a safe place to sleep and not having to worry about starving. Gratitude for running water. Gratitude for all my accomplishments. Gratitude for being able to wake up, move my arms and legs. Gratitude for the ability to take a deep breath and gratitude towards having the ability to think. Gratitude for all the days I spent, however they were, in this life.
Every day is a blessing.
Thank you, Lord, for a great year.
A couple of weeks ago I met a young ambitious gentleman who was feeling anxious about starting a new job and complaining about how the 6 days a week/8 hours a day job will take him away from his passion in writing. Take a moment to digest this: the 48 hour week will take him away from his passion. Um, have you met mothers?
Mothers, God bless their souls, have the ability to juggle a million things a day. They must be on call all day, everyday, regardless of what they are doing or what they would like to be doing. They must be available for any kind of emergency ranging from a sudden hunger pang at 4 a.m. to a temper tantrum in the middle of a family gathering. On call ALL the time. So when a mother chooses to spend the last few hours of her day in exercising, reading, chatting with her friends, staring into nothingness, and living her life just a little bit then she is compromising actual sleep time for the sake of life. Please let her do what she wants.
Life, as you know it, is different with mothers.
I read once that a mother is living proof that human beings don’t need actual sleep and can live on coffee. I cannot be held accountable for the seriousness of this point but it makes sense to me. It all comes down to choice: would you rather sleep or would you rather feel like a person?
You see, regardless of common belief, mothers are normal human beings with hopes and dreams. They realize that they should exercise, have friends, and go out but sometimes they are not in a position to do so. Sometimes, life has to be put on hold for a couple of years to enable the caring of a baby and thus ensure the continuity of humankind. Yes, I am trying to sugarcoat the first few months of a baby’s life just to reassure myself that there is light at the end of the tunnel and honestly, I have seen it before. It takes almost a year for the phoenix to raise from the ashes.
But it’s that first year that tests what a woman is made of. How agile she is, what are her goals in life, how she thinks children must be raised, and what comes first in her list of priorities. Many women choose to put themselves first and foremost and I have the greatest respect for them because I believe in the freedom of choice. Do I support it? Does it matter? I’ve heard a blogger I highly respect repeat that women need to stop putting each other down when it comes to motherhood because each and everyone of us is doing her best as she sees fitting to her lifestyle. I would really like to believe that all women love their children regardless of how naive it makes me sound. Knowing that the most sincere and pure kind of love is emitted from every mother is a very calming notion and I choose to cherish it with all my heart. (tangent, I know).
Back to the chaos behind the love and the background mechanisms working to maintain the family life. Let’s compare a man’s morning and a mother’s morning.
Man
It’s 7 a.m. and the man is fast asleep. He hears the soft jingle of the alarm from yonder and quietly opens his eyes, his hand reaches for his phone and automatically snoozes the alarm, getting extra minutes of sleep after deciding that he is too tired from the day before.
Mother
It’s 6 a.m., there is no alarm clock because the mother is relying on her biological clock and/or her children to wake her up. She wakes up on a wailing child ranting about something that just doesn’t make sense. The mother wishes to put the child on “snooze” but sadly children don’t come with a snooze button. So the mother burpees her way out of bed to quiet the baby down. In the meantime, all other children wake up and start talking at the same time. Noise takes its form of insanity and the woman tries hard to maintain a smile on her face.
Mothers fight through the pain of sleeplessness, the pain of not being appreciated, and the pain of not knowing when her next shower is. This is not a joke, showers genuinely make people feel better. They fight through the screams, fight through not being respected and listened to, and fight through the physical exhaustion. True fighters, mothers still manage to fill their plate with ways to prove herself independent and amazing to act as a role model for her children. In the 24 hours a day, mothers manage to cram extra hours to give even more to her family.
So with the nearing of a new year, all mothers will consciously decide to take it easy while their subconsciousness will stand proud, chest puffed and ready for more responsibilities, more obligations, and more love.
Grabbing life by the horns.
Bring it on.
Once upon a time, a young woman received a red rose from her loved one and, in the heat of the romance, vowed to keep the symbol of their undying love forever and dry the rose in one of her favorite poetry books. She checked on the rose every few days to make sure that it still kept its shape, remembering the details of the day and imaging how she will open the book when she is old and happily married and call onto her husband who will join her in the memory with fondness that will be spoken of for generations to come.
… Or so she thought.
How many times was the promise of undying love proven to be a temporary feeling and a spur of the moment decision? How many times has “forever” turned to something closer to a year or so, and how often have, “my heart will only beat for you,” turn to mere words spoken and soon forgotten. Ah the many lovers who vowed and sworn and so easily checked out of love hotel and how many realized that the hotel is a small bed and breakfast?
Roses, and flowers in general, hold great meaning within their petals and are thus used widely by lovers all around the world. Those of you who were successful in drying a flower realize that it has stood despite the harshness of life and remains powerful with its beauty. Even though many relationships don’t work out, the importance of that single dry rose defeats time and turns that previous love immortal.
So with the social networking craze that enabled people to find out what their ex’s are up to, many long forgotten dried up flowers suddenly emerged and many old hideous pictures were tagged. If a person is alive, you can eventually find out what they’re up to whether by searching the images in news (especially if you are living in a closed community like we are,) or by finding a friend of a friend of a friend who happens to have an open profile and a few pictures close to the location of your ex’s home. You get my point. We all searched for our ex’s and we all managed to find a loophole in their privacy even though we are not hackers.
Now, when a wife, who is not really happy with her life choices when it comes to the person she chose to marry, looks at the empty screen of her laptop after a great fight and recalls one of her ex’s, she may hear the siren’s song to take a leap into the dark end of the internet, to dance with the social media, and to search for her ex. And what could she find?
Everything:
Her ex is a successful entrepreneur, a happily married father with a wife who is, in a word, stunning, yearly vacations, and the one-too-sweet picture of him in his mother’s 80th birthday surrounded by perfection. Of course, in comparison to the S#it hole the stalker (well, what else would you call her?) is living, she is in hell envious of the heaven she sees. And to make matters worse, the ex is a chocolatier.
Why oh why didn’t I marry the chocolatier. Yes, a person who makes CHOCOLATE for a living! A person who probably takes the small pieces of chocolate home to his wife because she loves chocolate. Well, we all love chocolate! Why don’t we get some? A real Willy Wonka without the craziness. A chocolatier!
If we only knew where life would take us, that woman would probably stick with the chocolatier knowing that the little things that she hated about him when she dumped him are the least of her concerns. Does it really matter that he has a uni-brow? HE MAKES CHOCOLATE for a living!!
Well, the simple minded game of, “if I married X, I would be ….” can by played with no guarantees as to the happiness levels afterwards because regrets and decisions make us who we are today.
And the rose I found in my poetry book? I couldn’t for the life of me remember who it’s from. I might have even bought it myself to see if I could dry flowers. This really sounds more like me.
So, the next time you receive a flower and choose to keep it for the future, write a note explaining who it’s from, the date you got it, and what was going on that day. Consider it a message in the bottle, but enclose enough information to remind yourself of the day. You will have so many things on your mind later in life that you will not remember anything. It is not a movie you watch in an hour or two, this is a lifetime of memories and events. Do not expect to remember everything.
Lesson 1: when drying flowers, make sure to write a note with information
Lesson 2: if your current boyfriend’s family own a chocolate shop, stick with him; he will probably become a chocolatier.
There are many management styles and theories in history and managers are usually open minded in trying them out. Two of the basic management styles we learned back in college were the theory X of management and the theory Y of management; theory X basically states that all employees are bad and don’t want to work so they need to be constantly supervised and disciplined (we put a big X on them). Theory Y states that all employees are good and are willing to work and need guidance and positive reinforcements. Through my somewhat limited years in management, I have tried out both and saw that the best fit depends on the employee, the manager, the organizational culture, and other factors; management is both a science and an art since managers are dealing with different personalities and emotions.
Emotions are being recognized nowadays as an important factor in organizations and emotional intelligence is a fairly recent concept introduced to the world. What I think, in my opinion, is that using emotions to manage is a good tool even though it might seem to some a bit manipulative. Visiting a sick employee in the hospital creates an emotional tie between the employee and the manager; not visiting the same employee will create a negative grudge that will forever stay with the employee and his psychiatrist will be the only one to assist him in letting go. (Let it Go- Frozen soundtrack).
So what other emotions can we use?
Put yourself in this situation: you are sitting at home watching TV and all of a sudden, your spouse walks in and tells you how much he/she appreciates you. Well, that’s sweet. Now picture yourself in the same situation and a complete stranger walks in (let’s assume you kept the door unlocked) and tells you how much he/she loves you. Wait, what? You feel different because of the element of surprise. Interesting how surprise causes an adrenaline flow.
Now back to the business environment. Picture yourself sitting at your desk checking your emails and your boss suddenly announces that you must all pack your things as he is taking you out to the beach to discuss how to best develop your jobs. Wait, What? Why is surprise a good thing? Well, people are habitual creatures; they like to fall back on a specific routine and have things all within their comfort zone. The salesman who was assigned in branch A for the past two years is content, relaxed, happy, and doesn’t want any change. He is probably doing the minimum as he is working on autopilot from the second he stepped out of his home. What can you do? Change his schedule and shift him to another place (employee rotations). He will have to think which route to take, will have to try out different routes on the way to work, will meet different types of people in the new location and will have to, at least, pay attention to the different things around. Now that is beneficial for the organization and even to the employee who will be able to increase his skills and knowledge.
Daily routines kill the development of your organization and change is important. As a manager, instead of managing by walking around, try to manage by surprise. Shake the grounds a little, do things you never did before and ask for things you never even thought of before. Change the format of the forms. Change the layout of the office space. Rotate people around and switch cubicles, buy lunch one day, the crazier you are the more ground you will shake. The more your employees wonder what will go on in their day at work, the more you are likely to have employees who are awake. Don’t scare them, surprise them. Don’t spoil them, make them wonder what’s on your mind.
The best managers are alive with ideas. Put some life back into your dead organization.
It was an ordinary day when Eve woke up to face yet another message from her husband. She hoped that he hadn’t come home last night for she wasn’t up to cleaning up his mess this early. It was the first day of school for her children and the last thing she wanted to do was clean up. She just couldn’t fathom mopping another spill nor is she up to picking up another pair of socks. She just couldn’t.
Everyone knows Eve.
Eve is a typical girl next door. She loves music, is part of the school’s drama team, paints her nails red on Valentine’s Day, and gets along with everyone. Eve had dreams of becoming a great lawyer and working in one of the nation’s biggest law firm but her plans got side tracked when she got pregnant with her first child. It wasn’t the way she wanted to walk down the aisle but her best friend continuously assured her that her little baby bump was hardly noticeable. On that day, she believed life had so much more to give and her life with Adam was just starting.
Adam and Eve couldn’t go away on their honeymoon because they had to save up for the baby. Giving birth was an overwhelming experience and Eve was ecstatic. Her life seemed perfect; her life with Adam seemed perfect.
Seemed.
It started one night over a silly dispute. Adam started arguing and accidentally told Eve he was tricked into marrying her. Scheming bitch, he called her. Manipulating whore. My life’s biggest regret. It was different and yet the same every time. He came up with harsher abuses every time… Then he apologized every time.
Scheming, manipulative, mistake, regret, ugly, fat, stupid… The list goes on.
She fought back once when he started painting their life pitch black because she felt like he needed to understand that she was not who he says she was. She tried to fight back, to answer, to explain her point of view and to clear her name just to get a hard slap across her face. She looked at him stunned. Is this really happening to me, she wondered in bewilderment. She looked into his eyes to see whether or not her high school sweetheart felt any shame and she saw none. He started shouting.
Scheming manipulative bitch!
And she cried.
He hunted her insecurities. Made her question her life and every decision she ever makes. Removed all things that made her human, started controlling who her friends were and made sure she cuts all ties with everyone who ever mattered to her. Made sure to turn her into his own toy, his own property.
She said nothing. He slapped her and she said nothing. I can’t get a divorce, I don’t have a job, how can I support my kids? He will surely win custody over them and I’ll never see them again.
He kicked her, and she said nothing. He punched her, and she said nothing. Say what, and to who? There was no one around and the small chores he assigned her were mostly in the house; she had to take permission to go out and had to give a full report when she came back…so she usually stayed at home. It was never worth the hassle to conceal her bruises.
Scheming manipulative bitch.
She stopped caring. She stopped caring how she looked. She stopped caring to cover her bruises even from her children since they already disrespect her and see the arrangement at home as ‘normal’.
She stopped wondering if there is a different life for her out there. Her reality was obstructed by what she heard and saw everyday. Abuse. Verbal and physical abuse.
She stopped thinking for herself and took everything told to her as given truths.
She stopped questioning if she was worthy of living let alone loving.
Loving? Oh he told her he loved her constantly. Before a beating, after a beating, and sometimes during a beating. Why did you make me do this to you? He would say holding her tight after smacking her. Why are you doing this to us? Why do you cause us such misery?
Scheming manipulative bitch.
Eve, the girl next door who wanted to work in one of the country’s biggest law firms took up acting instead. On stage, she paints her nails red for Valentine’s Day, but every day red blood is a part of her attire. On stage, her name was darling wife but backstage she remains the cause of all of the world’s problems.
Scheming manipulative bitch.
#Break the silence, stop the violence.
Bedoor Bluemoon 