فلتعزف الموسيقى
ولترتفع الألحان
فلا أقوى الجلوس في صمت مع نفسي
فلتدق الطبول
ولتعوي القيتارة
ولا اسمع قلبي المفتون المقتول يبكي
لا أقوى سماع العتب
ولا أقوى البكاء اكثر
تعبت…
فلتعزف الموسيقى الصاخبة لأرقص
وأتوه في جنون الحياة
مع من يراهم البعض احياء
ونرى أنفسنا اشلاء ممزقة
تنتظر النسيان
لا أقوى الجلوس في صمت مع نفسي
نحتسي القهوة ونحن نعلم بأن مرارة الأيام
ليست بلذة مرارة القهوة
فنعيش معها واقعنا المرير
نتذكر الآهات ودروس الحياة الصعبة
نتذكر مَن كانوا معنا يوماً
وابتعدوا بلا سبب
ونتذكر من كانوا معنا يوماً
وابتعدوا بعدألف سبب
وألف غصّة
وألف دمعة
ونحتسي القهوة المُرّة
نتذكر مرارة الفراق
ونغوص في احلامنا المتكسّرة
فنكاد نراها أمامنا خلال البُن الداكن
الا انها تتضح
سراب
فنأخذ رشفة أخرى نتعذب بالمرارة
قهوتنا: واقعنا المرير
وذكرياتنا المؤلمة
واحلامنا المتكسّرة
فربما (دلق) القهوة
يُبعد الشر فلا نتذكر
شر ذكرياتنا وافكارنا
وخيالنا الجامح
(وألف (لَو
خذيني يا قهوتي الى الماضي
واتركيني أسبح في جراحي
وأذوب
لأشرب بعد مُر قهوتي
كوباً من الماء
يصفّي ذهني
ويعود بي الى اليوم
لا تشح بوجهك عني
انظر ما اصبح من حالي
كنت في بلدي البسيطُ
طفلٌ يلعبْ، ولا يبالي
حالتي، نعم، لم تسرُّ
ولكن امي كانت قبالي
تقبّلني كلَّ يومٍ
ارتمي دوماً في الأحضانِ
تُلبسني احمر او اخضرْ
تشتري كلُّ ما في بالي
كنتُ مدلَّلٌ محبوبٌ
تَعَبَتْ لتوفِّر كلُّ آمالي
ويوماً سَمِعْتُ أنّ الحربَ
جائَت لِتسرِقَ كلُّ ما لي
أصبَحَتْ امي كالمجنونة
مصدومة بهالاحوالِ
ولا زِلتُ العبْ وأرقص
فما الداعي لكل قتالِ؟
مطمئنٌ كنتُ كلّ ليلة
العب، أرضع، فأنامِ
وتبقى امي ساهرةً
تضرِبُ اخماسٍ واسداسِ
كأنها علمت بأن الموتَ
سَيُخلِّد يوماً أنفاسي
وجاء ذا اليوم المشؤومُ
انقلبت كلُّ حساباتي
لن اكبرَ وأصبح طبيبا
سأكونُ عَبْرةَ الجيّاشِ
احضنّي يا بحر، احضنّي
لن اري قلمْ او كرّاسِ
سلامٌ لك يا كُرَتي
سلامٌ يا كلّ النَّاسِ
فها أنا ذا الطفلُ البسيطُ
افضحُ نوايا ذوي الكراسي
خيالُ طفلٍ على شاطئ
مات، ومات الإحساسِ
There are many ideas and theories regarding how to best motivate people in general and employees in specific. Most managers remember the X, Y, and Z theories of management from back in college in addition to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs which has been altered recently to add a new primitive and basic need: WIFI. I have seen an image of the pyramid with ” battery” at the bottom but thought they were taking it a little too far. To refresh your memory, Maslow stated that all people have the same needs which he then segregated to physiological, safety, esteem, and self actualization (as shown below). It’s not a difficult concept but back in college, it was just a theory.
When we finally got employed and for those of us who are fortunate to be deemed managers, we were given employees and told that we now have the role of motivating them. So what we all did was go back to our textbooks and started researching “motivation.”
Through the process of trial and error, thinking that I was sometimes too lenient and sometimes too strict, and at other times thinking that I was not cut out for this job and introverts should stay away from life as it is, I came to realize that theories were put in place as tools to help us and as guidelines to set our course. It has come to my attention that the employee I spend time talking and listening to is usually more motivated than another employee who I haven’t met with for a while. Why is that?
Communication is key. Knowing how the employee thinks and what he is looking for helps you, as a manager, identify what motivates him. An employee who seems to look forward to going out in the weekends and spending time with friends would probably appreciate time off work or additional vacation days. It doesn’t just rely on where that person is in his life, as in whether the employee is single or married, has kids, is thinking of retiring, and so forth, it also relies on the individual and his personal goals.
So let me give you a few pointers that could help:
1- When you have someone newly employed, talk to them. Listen to their life story and try to understand what kind of person he/she is. You will be surprised to know that most people lead a fairly similar life to you and usually have pretty clear goals.
2- Look at your employees, read their faces. Employees are people who get affected by what goes on in their life. They cannot just leave their problems at the door; it’s not possible, they are human. Read their faces and find out what “happy” looks like and what “sad” or “disappointed” looks like. You mostly need these two emotions to motivate.
3- Take cues from others. When you hear that employee X is unhappy, he probably is unhappy. Listen to people then try to find out if it’s true.
4- Listen to stories and try to make connections. Many things happen around the office and when you hear that employee Y is a family man and loves his kids very much, consider that a point you can use to motivate him when needed. So when employee Y does something good, maybe you can give him a gift voucher for a family dinner or offer to help with providing medical insurance for his pregnant wife to help with expenses: something related to family. More about this subject on my previous post Buying The Perfect Gift can be applied here.
5- Know your employees at a personal level without getting personal with them. This is very tricky because you don’t want to be mistaken as a friend but rather as a very nice boss. A boss which they can talk to but who would not be invited over for birthday parties. This is a very delicate balance where you need to be empathetic but not a pushover. This could sometimes makes it hard to discipline but the key is to maintain their respect.
6- Do not over-complicate matters. Some people just want and need money, others want time off, some want to be thanked in private, others want to be appreciated in public. And of course, someone is out there to take over your job. Your role is to know what the employee needs AT THAT TIME since needs constantly change.
Get to know your employees to be able to motivate them. Everyone is different and people change over time. Truly understand what makes them happy “tick” and what makes them sad “tock” Talk to your employees: be their leader, be their coach. Navigate them to succeed in their lives and you will get better results.
Lights on. Zoom into girl sitting on a bench.
A figure walks towards you, his face is a blur, his features are vague. To you he seems to be a shadow coming out of the mist. Then he takes a few more steps and his face becomes a little bit clearer. You can see his nose and the curl that can only be a smile. He takes a few more steps and you think he is very handsome. A handsome man with a handsome face. A good body and quite tall, you think.
Focus on man’s face.
You realize that his eyes are brown like chocolate. You stare into them as you speak and in that moment, you have surrendered your life to this man. In your mind, you already planned your wedding and started picking out names for your children. In that moment, everything seems to be going right.
Fast forward.
Man’s face in focus. Everything else out of focus.
Your life with this man is blissful. You see him everyday and notice the little things about him. You notice sparks of gold in his eyes and realize that in the sunlight, his brown eyes have more depth. He is no longer a shadow, he is everything, he is in focus. You realize a little habit he has and consider it to be plain adorable. In your mind, he is perfect. In your mind, your path with him is clear. His phone number is not only in your favorites but is engraved in your subconscious from the many many times you called him from work. Your fingers seem to know what numbers to dial. Your walk next to him and when you sit, you rest your head on his shoulder where it seems to be at home. You know his thoughts from the look on his face. You go to new restaurants together and watch the biggest block buster movies while sharing sweet and salty popcorn. You know his every detail, his every hope and dream and in your mind, you’ve already grown old together and are sitting on the porch outside your home.
Fast forward.
Sounds of shattering glass. Dim lighting.
You break up over little things that add on and on and become such a burden to you. You feel like you heart will explode. Life as you know it shatters into a million pieces and you feel like there is no life without him. His face is everywhere. You can still feel the touch of his hand and you can’t seem to find a place for your head. You walk without thought and everything is no longer right, everything is vague, everything is wrong. Only he exists clearly and completely. Your family, your friends, your career, and you, are no longer clear. You hold onto his face and hurt. Your chest is stabbed, the pain is unbearable and your dreams are burnt to ashes. You look at yourself in the mirror and can’t take your eyes off the emptiness where he used to stand. You sit for lunch at your usual place but your eyes keep wandering over to the chair next to you. Your hands pick up the office phone and your fingers start to dial his number. You suddenly stop and weep. You look through everything he gave you, the key chain, the necklace, the pen, they feel so right to be with you. Yet so wrong.
Fast forward.
Hope, soft music.
You start forgetting. You no longer call his number by mistake and you no longer have your eyes wander at the empty chair. You fill it with people in your life. Sisters, brothers, friends and family come into focus. Your eyes start seeing other things. You start to smile and laugh. You start to enjoy your days and you start to focus on your face in the mirror, not the emptiness that once was. You focus on yourself, you pick up a new book, you go to new places and realize that not everything reminds you of him. You look back at your memories with him five times a day, then four, then three, and then twice, and finally you remember him only when you go to bed. And one morning, you wake up and he is no longer in your mind and you realize that you have already purchased a new key chain, a necklace, and a pen. You will wonder how tall he was and what color his eyes were. Brown? Hazel? The details that once were your everything turn to shadows. The face that was once always in focus starts getting forgotten and blurs into oblivion. Becomes a shadow that you no longer recognize. A faceless man in the crowd of life. No-one important.
Man’s shadow walking into the mist.
Zoom out.
Lights off.
Faith: the light that enlightens out paths, the rock that holds our backs, and the center of our heart.
Without faith we cease to believe, cease to hope, and cease to be.
Faith in a stronger God, a mightier God, and a merciful God. Faith in the good and the positive. Faith in knowing that things happen for a reason, that life is worth something, and that your life is not in vain. Knowing that someone is loving you for you. Knowing that God listens to your heartbeat, listens to your wishes, and understands your every thought.
Knowing that brings peace and comfort to your soul. Knowing that life is not created by coincidence, but by a higher power with reason. Knowing we are living for a reason, that there are givens in our lives, and a path created for you. Choices made just for you and paths chosen by you with God holding your hand in every step.
A caring God.
A loving God.
High school, for many of us, brings back memories. Some we may wish to remember and some we wish to forget. All in all, high school was and will always be a part of growing up. We went through ups and downs, we had our best friends who we thought would be there forever, and we had heart aches. Our biggest concern was our upcoming exam and our biggest dilemma was which university to apply for. It was a truly ambiguous and vital part of our lives.
Getting where I am today in my career had basically NOTHING to do with my high school decisions. How, how, and HOW do you expect a 17 year old to decide what they want to do for the rest of their life!!?? I would like to think that things happen for a reason and fate plays an important part in our lives so I am very grateful in where I stand today. Just to clue you in, my little group of besties were always discussing everything of no importance and nothing of significant importance. So when college applications were going out, no one spoke to the other about them because, well, they were important. I assumed I would have some input from my friends but when we got into the 12th grade I realized two were flying off to the U.S. and the third was flying off to Scotland. Hmm, this was the first time I realized that people planned their lives and I should start planning mine.
Aha moment.
I ended up going to the University of Bahrain because I thought studying in hell would prepare me for life and I was right. The mere registration process takes perseverance, patience, and strategic planning. We would walk around like headless chickens trying to get our papers signed, stamped, have seats added, just to go back and start all over again. Well, life in UOB was interesting, kinda like giving birth.
Two years into my bachelors degree, I am supposed to sign up for an internship in a company set up by someone-in-charge. I got an IT assistant position in a securities and investment company where the IT manager was a great mentor. The place was very laid back and professional and I finally got my first pay check. It was an amazing feeling and I thought to myself that I can now be independent and earn my own money. 💪 After the two month internship period, I got offered a job there and I was so excited. The only thing is that if I chose to accept the job I will have to change my studies into evening classes which means that I will graduate later.
At that time, graduating was a big deal and we rushed to register for more than 5 classes per sememster. You see, this was when we didn’t know that life has NOTHING to do with when you graduate, it’s the experience that makes a difference. I didn’t know what to do so I decided to discus it with my parents. I loved the work environment there but I got offered another job by my father. He offered to let me basically run his charity organization in my free time since I am willing to work. I had to decide and I was confused up to the day I was supposed to start work. I really didn’t know what to do, I had two options and couldn’t decide.
So that morning, I got into my car and drove. I reached an intersection, literally, and stopped at the red light. I had to make a decision. If I turn right, I would accept the job as an IT assistant and could later on become a broker and work with stocks and bonds. If I turn left, I would have to enter a new world of children with mental retardation, autism, Down’s syndrome, and cerebral palsy.
I stopped and thought. This decision will shape me into the person I want to be.
Who do I want to be?
A year later, I was working hard in my office as a little boy popped his head in and gave me a big smile. Sayed Yousif, come here. I said. He walks in coyly and sits on one of the chairs like he does everyday during break time. Best decision EVER.
وبعد سنواتٍ قضيناها معا
افترقنا
وافترقـَت طرقنا
ومضينا لنعيش حياة أخرى
بعيدة عن أحلامنا السابقة
حياة لا لذة فيها
افترقنا
بعد أيام عشناها في الهوى
ومضينا لنعيش ولا نعيش
نرى الدنيا بلا ألوان
ولا نسمع زقزقة العصافير
افترفنا
وها نحن اليوم نلتقي صدفة
احسست بنبض خفيف في قلبي
فتسائلت
أعادت لي الروح؟
هل من حياة بعد الفراق؟
وهل من بعد الظلام نور؟
فبعد أن افترقنا
ماتت جميع مشاعري
وبت صدفة بلا لؤلؤة
اسبح في معركة الحياة
وارتمي على شواطئ الأحزان
وأموت
فالفراق أهلكني
والحياة أماتتني
والآمال خذلتني
والقلب اشترى تذكرة ليسافر
ولا يعود
فلِمَ عُدتَ يا قلبي؟
لماذا تريدُ أن تقلّب المواجع
وتذكرني بالماضي البهيج؟
لا تذكرني
فقد رضيت بحياتي المملة
وواجهت الليالي الخالية
واعتدت الحياة دونك
أمثّل السعادة دوما
وأبكي ليلا ويوما
وبداخلي فراغُ ما بعد الألم
وفي عينيَّ ضبابُ ما بعد البكاء
وفي جوفي حريق لا ينطفئ
ابتعد
واذهب بعيدا
فقد افترقنا
وعشنا حياة ليست بحياة
دون طعم، دون لون، دون حب
لا تغير رأيك الآن
فقد فات الأوان
والحياة أيامها تمضي
والقرارات لا تعود
أذهب بعيدا وانسى
سنوات ضياعٍ ما أقساها
قلبا لا ينسى ولا يموت
وقلبا ينسى ولا ينسى
Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions. Its one of the life changing events when you walk down the aisle and realize that you’re finally becoming whole, finally becoming one with the person your heart always searched for, the person you chose to spend the rest of your your life with.
But for me, walking down the aisle I imagined someone say ‘dead man walking’ and people giving me looks of sadness and dismay.
You see, I’m not getting married because I wanted to, I’m getting married because I have to. For my family, for my social status, and for my sanity.
I found out I was gay when I was a teenager. I know many of you will not accept me for who I am but I faced this reality a long time ago. I was a homosexual before homosexuality became accepted by society and, to this day, many people in my social circle ignore homosexuals and always have negative things to say about them. So I sit in the cafe with a few of my friends or relatives who have no clue about my entity and they would diss all homosexuals around. It’s not a nice feeling to be forced in the closet, sometimes I wish I would just leave the country and start somewhere new…
But I can’t.
I’ve already established myself and my career and it would break my mother’s heart if I left. I recalled the years I spent in the US, it was the best time of my life. I was who I really was, I didn’t have to change, I didn’t have to hide, and I didn’t have to act.
And today is the grand finale.
At 43, all excuses of delays in marriage were worn out. My sister says she wishes to see me settled, my mother cries telling me she wants to see my children before she dies, and my father says he wants a grandson to carry his name. I gave all excuses I could but it was finally time to give in.
I was set up with a few nice girls. Some may have even been great friends but I knew that I needed someone who will understand me without telling her. Someone who is getting into this marriage also for a family, social status, and sanity. It happened after I was rejected by someone whose family guessed my sexual tendencies and I honestly couldn’t look them in the eye. I had to make up some excuse but was relieved that she rejected me: maybe I didn’t have to get married anymore.
The next day after the rejection as I was browsing the net, I got a call. It was from one of her friends. I was surprised because we never exchanged more than a few pleasantries. She started telling me how sorry she felt that I was rejected and what an idiot her friend was. I didn’t quite know what was the purpose of the call because I was too preoccupied that time with dating a new guy. She continued to call me for the next couple of days and started dropping hints… It took a few weeks but I finally understood.
She didn’t want to be considered a spinster. She wanted to start a family and settle in with someone…anyone. She wanted to invite people over to her new house and play the hostess to grand dinners and parties. She wanted the status of being married more that being married.
So we decided it was the best thing to be done. She never told me that she had any conception of me being gay nor did she ask. I’m not sure if she doesn’t see it or chooses not to see it. I don’t know if I should feel more sorry for her or myself.
A match made in the social circle.
To stop people from guessing what they already know and to establish something from nothing.
Walking down the aisle I see my family, heads up and proud. I see my friends with their wives and children, and I see my new boyfriend.
He knows that this is a great act. I jump up, acting all happy and getting everyone excited.
Then settle. A fake smile pasted on my face…
Dead man walking.
Bedoor Bluemoon 