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Bedoor Bluemoon

Everyday writing to expose the soul

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Labor Pains

baby

So this last week I didn’t have any chance to write because my son is teething.  It’s not getting any better, it’s the same.  He’s cranky, in pain, and clinging onto me all day every day.  Not an optimum situation for someone who needs time to be creative. I guess when other mothers say that things will only get better when his teeth cut through is right.  The problem is they never prepare you for this.

Actually, mothers don’t prepare you for anything!!!  I like to think of myself as someone who can tolerate pain so I was mentally prepared to face labor pains.  I had my birthing plan in place and knew that birthing was a part of nature and mothers, for decades, have been doing it naturally.

Come March 2nd, I’m sitting in my pajamas working on salaries when my water broke.  Splash.  LITERALLY splash!  My husband was away on vacation, my mom was cooking lunch, and I just had to finish the salaries because no-one else can do them.  I sat down for a few minutes just to save the file and handed it over to my sister.  I was then admitted to the hospital when I still remained smiling, excited, and under control.

Yeah right.

The pain was fairly bearable in the beginning.  It was an interesting experience until things started getting serious.  The nurse was nice but she didn’t know what I was going through.  She might have given birth previously but I was the one in labor.  She sees this everyday, this is her job.  But for me it was just OH MY GOD!!

Being in pain, I wanted to talk to the fairly nice nurse and ask her when this will be over.  She said soon and couldn’t really answer.  Come on, who can answer this question?  So then I asked her is this pain normal?  She said, this is moderate pain and giggled.

WHAT?!?!

If this is moderate pain, what is real pain?

Well, It got worse… much worse… really quickly…

I never thought I would but I gave in the the epidural and was still screaming.

Word of advice:  TAKE ALL DRUGS AVAILABLE TO EASE YOUR PAIN!!!  You don’t need to torture yourself, you don’t hate yourself, do you?

So  hours (which seemed like months later), I gave birth to my baby.  I was so happy and relieved the pain stopped.  They say the body gets filled with happiness (hormones and such, I’ve never been into biology much) but I think the body was just in shock.  It really is a miracle you’re alive!

Later on, I’m siting on the hospital bed and my aunt walks in and asks, “how was labor?  Is it what you expected?”  It took ALL my willpower not to say something rude, she was being satirical and she loved it.  It was an inside joke but you know what?  I wasn’t laughing.

A year and a bit later, I understand why mothers don’t tell expectant mothers the truth: if anyone knew the extent of the pain they would never consider having a baby.  Plus, I just LOVE walking in to hospital rooms and ask “how was labor?  Is it what you expected?  HAHAHA join the club.

Today’s (and everyday) specials: pain, lack of time, and no energy.  Oh, and an amazing miracle you know is worth it.

I love you, my boy.  Hope you feel better.

Little Wonder Boy

mom and son

You know the less fortunate people you see working as cleaners or housemaids or who are sometimes still looking for a job?  Those people who you act like you don’t see and feel a bit awkward when you have eye contact with them? People who are always in front of you but you choose not to see them and you walk past them like they don’t exist? Well, I hate to break it to you but if you close your eyes they will still be there.  They will continue to be part of the reality you choose to ignore.  They are not part of a TV show so you can change the channel, neither are they aliens you can send back to their planet.  They are real.

By now, some readers may have closed the window and others will be skimming through really quickly and remembering something important they suddenly have to do.  Some will just feel bad and look for a charity that basically has nothing to do with poor people and contribute by buying tickets to their expensive dinner where they will “feed the homeless” by serving canapes and a few drinks.

Well, from someone who can speak for the less unfortunate, I would like to say please keep your charity money and your feelings of being superior to yourself.  These people who you consider substandard are a part of a reality you don’t understand.  You are forgetting that they come with hopes, dreams, and families.  Their dreams are similar to yours; I’m pretty sure their dreams are very far from where they stand now.

I am one of those less fortunate people.

My name is George and I grew up in one of the little poor suburbs in India.  My parents got married and when my father found out that my mom was pregnant, he was ecstatic.  Fathers around the world have a funny way of being relentless and anxious when waiting for a baby to be born.  So my mom, who was so tired with the pregnancy for nine months, was relieved when she felt her water break.

I wasn’t born easily. Like some children in the world, I took two days to finally be born.  I was immediately loved and cherished by my mother who quickly said a prayer to ensure that no harm will ever come in my way.  She held me close to her and kissed my forehead, and felt like she was complete.

By the time I was six years old, I had three sisters.  Being the eldest and a boy was the best thing that ever happened to me back home.  I was constantly fretted over, spoiled, and looked up to.  My mother would give me a glass of milk every morning before my sisters and she would pat my back saying I’m a “good boy who can do wonders.”

And that’s what I believed.

I went to school that year and would sit with my friend, Alex, and dream of our future.  I wanted to be a pilot and see the world.  I wanted to wear the uniform and fly the plane.  Alex wanted to be a surgeon.  At that age, we only knew what we were taught so our dreams were very vague.

No-one questions dreams.  They are a private part of your soul.  They consist of what you perceive yourself to currently be and what you want to be.  Sometimes dreams don’t make sense but, who are you to question them? Why were two little boys from the little suburb in India dreaming of becoming pilots and surgeons?

No-one questions.

We grew and our dreams grew.  Our family had some problems when little Gina got infected with a virus.  My father had to sell one goat to be able to afford her medication.  My mother was heartbroken so I would try to comfort her.  She would pat my back and say that I’m a “good boy who can do wonders.”

Gina didn’t survive the infection and I was mad.  If only we had enough money we could have gotten her to the city earlier.  She could have been saved by a great surgeon.  I went to Alex and made him promise that he will be a great surgeon someday and help poor people.  I cried and he promised that he will try his best.

So the next year in school, Alex and I worked harder and got better grades.  We wanted to get scholarships and continue to get our diplomas then maybe we can achieve what we dreamed of.  Alex’s father passed away and he had to leave school to work in the farm.  He was also the eldest child and all responsibilities lay on him.  I didn’t care for my grades anymore, he was the surgeon and I was the pilot who will take him around the world to help patients.  The night Alex’s father died, Alex’s dreams also died.

I graduated from high school.  The “good boy who can do wonders” was finally ready to face the world.  My grades weren’t high enough to continue studying just yet but I was ready to work.  I booked a ticket to go to Mumbai where my uncle will help me look for a job and I was so proud!  My sisters looked at me like their savior; Lana asked me to get her some Gulab Jamun as soon as I get paid and Tatinka asked for some money to get her new shoes.  You see, she always got Lana’s hand-me-down shoes and they were worn out by the time she got them.

I promised them both then went to my mom for her blessings.  She hugged me and gave me a pat on the back, saying how proud she was of her “good boy who can do wonders” and prayed for my safety.  She gave me my packed lunch and waved good bye as my father and I started walking to the bus station.

On the way, my father told me that I should listen to my uncle, that I should trust him fully and he will show me the best way to get to my dreams.  His eyes were teary as he told me how hard life is and how we sometimes need to sacrifice things to live.  He told me how hard it was all these years to afford all the expenses of keeping a family and how hard he worked.  We reached the bus stop and the bus was driving up to us.  I thanked him for his advise, asked for his blessings, and went on my way.

On the bus, I dreamed.  I dreamed of being the best pilot.  Of wearing the uniform, of flying from country to country and meeting different people.  It was the closest I have ever been to my dreams and I could almost taste the happiness of achieving it.

I reached Mumbai and saw my uncle.  It wasn’t what I expected.  Everything was so fast paced and everyone seemed to be in a hurry.  We stayed in a flat with seven other men and would barely have enough space to cook and eat.  I lived in that flat for six months, missing my mother and father, missing Tatinka and  Lana.  But mostly, I missed Alex.  I knew that Alex would find a way to get to our dreams.

But where was Alex?

So by the seventh month, my uncle took me to a recruitment agency.  He told me that there was hope for my employment.  It was a small office with a man sitting behind his table, smoking.  He looked down at me and tapped his fingers on the table while my uncle answered all his questions humbly.

“Is this him?” he asked.

“Yes,” My uncle replied,

“200 rupees”

“Oh, Thank you very much, sir, thank you”

The next thing I knew, I was signing employment papers.  I didn’t quite understand why my uncle had to pay him for my employment.  I can be employed based on my skills and knowledge.  I am, after all, the “good boy who can do wonders.”  I knew I will be employed in a foreign country and my heart skipped a beat: I will finally be in a plane!  I will finally see how a plane flies, and I will meet the pilot.  I was truly getting closer to my dream.

A week later, my uncle took me to my family for a quick visit because I won’t be able to see them for the upcoming two years.  I cried, my mother said she can’t wait to see me again and wanted to get me married as soon as I got back.  Tatinka and Lana made me promise to call them everyday and were envious.  My father looked content.  He told me that I finally understood my duties and he is proud of the man I’ve become.

And before I left, my mom gave me a pat on the back and called me her “good boy who can do wonders.”

I left home with my dreams packed away with my lunch.  I looked forward to this trip all my life.  I thought of Alex who was covered in soil as he wished me farewell.  He said he will try to come along but his mother found him a good wife and he will be wed next month.  I knew he gave up on his dreams when I looked into his sad eyes.

When I reached my destination, I was shocked.  I didn’t meet the pilot.  I was shoved around like a piece of nothingness when I stood in the middle of the airport in awe.  I was screamed at, scolded, and looked down at when I sat down to eat my lunch.  I didn’t know why people were so mean.

And when I got to the country I was employed in, my dreams shattered.

I was apparently employed as a construction worker.  That night I couldn’t sleep in the shared accommodation.  I missed my old life.  I missed when Alex and I dreamed.  Then it hit me.  Everything my father said was true.  He never said I was going to be a pilot.  He never said life was easy.  He never lied.  I just never listened.

It’s ironic how the “good boy who can do wonders” ends up being a construction worker in a faraway country.  It’s ironic how climbing on top of buildings is the closest I will ever get to flying.  I was tired, homesick, and heartbroken.

I cried…

Then I heard a little voice next to me “pssst… are you okay?  What’s your name?”

“George,” I answered

“I’m Jon.  What’s wrong?”

“I never thought I’d work in construction.  I had big dreams for myself.  Didn’t you?”

Jon snickered,” I wanted to be an engineer.  You?”

“Pilot”

Before It’s Too Late

beach heart

 

Find the person you love

the one you don’t see

the one who is always

been your given fate.

Tell him you love him

give it all that you’ve got

hold on to him close

before it’s too late.

 

Don’t think of the words

don’t mind broken hearts

the issue is your happiness,

your life, and your fate.

Tell him you love him

give it all that you’ve got

hold onto him close

before it’s too late.

 

Your mind will play tricks

It’s so hard to see

the path is so dark

take a leap of faith.

Tell him you love him

give it all that you’ve got

hold onto him close

before it’s too late.

The Importance of a List

to do

There are two types of people: people who like using lists, and people who think lists are useless.  I am a person who loves lists.  I love everything about lists: making lists, checking things off my list, and telling people that if you want to plan your life better you need a list.  I 100% believe that lists could save you 80% of your time when done and utilized correctly.

Now, I’m not a list guru, (I give that title to my sister who, without lists, could have lost her mind by now), but I can still give you some pointers on how I use this wonderful tool.

Before I do so, let me give you one exercise you can do which would shine the light on your time management skills.

I once attended a time planning training where the instructor told us that to be able to see where your time is wasted you need to make a schedule of what you are doing for a week.  So basically, you would write down 7:00 – 7:15 a.m. wake up, 7:15 – 8:00 a.m. shower, dress, and get ready, 8:00 – 8:15 a.m. have breakfast and check the news (I wish!!), 8:15 -8:50 a.m. commute to work, and so on.  Of course, we shouldn’t forget to include all those little things that waste our times such as (play candy crush) and (chat on Whatsapp) or (stalk ex-boyfriend on Facebook heeheheh).  So I thought to myself, what an amazing idea! I’ll just do that and eliminate all my wasted time.  After a few days, I started seeing a pattern in my schedule: I waste a lot of time using the phone and not enough time doing anything I love and find significant.  I chose to change my routine and make conscious decision.  So now, when I catch myself doing something wasteful I tell myself make conscious decisions.  I also tell myself Are you really hungry, or are you just bored? But I’ll get to that story another time.

Anyhow, this is the first step:

1- Start by identifying your biggest time wasters and make a conscious decision about changing them.  This would give you a good chunk of time for work.  Schedule in your coffee and lunch breaks and give yourself time to breathe.  When you have that done, look at the number of hours you can work in awe.  This is your canvas.

2- Take a piece of paper (yes I am old fashioned) and write TO DO as a title.  Underline it twice to show yourself that this is a very important document.  Now leave a few lines (basically press enter twice) and write number one.  You can put a dash or a dot, your choice.  Great, you’ve got it so far.

3- Write down the things you need to do everyday at work.  So if  you have to print a specific report, check the cash invoices, file yesterday’s papers, or make specific calls, write those down.  This is your first category: your daily tasks.   These will not change, they are a crucial part of your job description.

4-Next, write down the things you need to do today.  I prefer to have a To Do list done in advance but if you feel like you are living in chaos at work, start with a list.  Write the things that need to be done.  A weekly to do list gives you plenty of time to shuffle the tasks around.

5- At the end of each task, draw a small box that you can check.  Checking the box feels SO good, trust me.  Keep the box.

6- Start working according to your list.  Start with your daily tasks and go on.  How you choose which task to start is your decision.  Some people say you shouldn’t check your email before noon (or whatever golden hour they seem to have researched) but come on!  You can check your email without replying, right?  It’s not like you have the tendency to lose yourself in emails.

7- Review your list.  You can make a daily list or you can have a general list (for people like me who don’t seem to get much done everyday).  For people with projects that take longer, instead of writing (Finalize the report) you can instead write (work on report due on…..) and check the box when you work on it.  The way I review my list is rewrite the things I didn’t complete and totally scratch off things that are done.  This feels better than the little tick.

 

So why are lists important?  Well, lists display what you need to do that day.  They keep you focused on your goal when you feel like life is chaotic.  With lists, you make sure that you don’t forget to do that thing you keep forgetting.  So you will catch yourself less often wondering (what did my boss ask me to do on Monday?)  Lists also service as a cute little motivational pat on the back.  The little ticks show you that you’ve done something.  During those days when you can’t make yourself work and you feel like you’d rather be home in bed, lists offer you some items that CAN be done with minimum effort.  You can choose your tasks and still feel like you’ve achieved something.  Finally, lists are fun to have especially if you categorize them based on your workload.  If you have your list numbered well and you have a bunch of papers you need to go through, your list can be the (cover) of your file with each page numbered.  So item #1 on your list will be the first set of papers, item #2 the second set, and so forth.  This HELPS with people who have a lot of paperwork.

In the end, lists help save your time.  Make conscious decisions, write up a list, and eat because you’re hungry, not bored.  Oh, I’ll get to that another time.  Till then, happy listings.

 

Tired Mothers

mother

Tired, like all mothers, I choose to stay awake just to have a little time for myself.  Just a few minutes, I say, I’ll be in bed by 10. Yeah right!  I’m never in bed by 10.  Sometimes I listen to the nothingness of the night for a couple of hours, I listen to the quietness around me and take it all in, still trying to wind down after a long and exhausting day.

I realize that I’ve been awake for a little bit too long.  Alright, if I sleep now, I would expect my baby to wake up in half an hour for his bottle.  So the dilemma begins: should I sleep or  should I stay awake?  Still questioning what to do next, my heavy eyelids give in and I fall asleep with the mobile phone in my hand, still open on the last page I was browsing.  Barely a few minutes later, I wake up when I hear the tossing and turning of my little boy.

And the night shift begins.

Like some days, nights can be long.  Many nights were spent sitting in bed with the baby in my arm and my head thrown on one side without any support to my neck.  Do you know the neck strains you used to have in high school when you wouldn’t be able to move for almost a week?  When you’re a mother, you are blessed with the miracle of feeling no pain!  You know why?  Because life must go on and you must be available, up and running at all times.

So half asleep, I look at my boy and smile.  It’s a true blessing to have a child who loves you and accepts you for who you are.  My boy doesn’t know what I did in my life nor does he care.  All that matters to him is that I’m his mother and I love him so much.  After he drinks his bottle, he pushes himself off my arm and onto my bed.  Cheeky boy.  He knows he wants to sleep on our bed so he cuddles against his father who just can’t say no.

Blessed, I smile and lay down.  I look over at my two favorite boys and think that God has truly been generous.  No-one said raising a child was easy; it’s a tough job only mothers can do.  Mothers aren’t well rested, pampered, and manicured women, they are tired, exhausted, and fatigued saints.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there.

كوكب اللامنطق

 

image

لا يعي الكلمة

الا المهووس بالكلمة

ولا يقدر الحب

الا المتيم بالحب

فلا مكان لعديمي المشاعر

في حياتي

ولا مجال لذوو المنطق

في كوكبي

فأنا أعيش في كوكب اللامنطق

حيث القلب هو الامير

والعقل مسجون في المنفى

والنبضات ترقص وترقص وترقص

ذكرى عاشق

old man

عذبيني، يا صغيرتي، عذبيني

فوجودك في حياتي يكفيني

عذبيني

واخبريني بأنك لا تعشقيني

وليس لديك الوقت لتفاهاتي

عذبيني بنظراتك البريئة

لا تجرحي برائتك بآهاتي

عذبيني بابتسامتك الخجولة

بعدم مبالاتك بسنيني

فالشيب الابيض في شعري

لا يذكر سواد السنين

والقلب حينما ينبض

لا ينفك يتذكر الحنين

عذبيني وذكريني بالحياة

فالذكرى تنفع المؤمنين

ابحثي عن ذرة من آمالي

وذكريني بحياة العاشقين

Inspired Tonight

image

Inspired

Sleep escapes my eyes

And I listen to my inner voice

Stories unfold in my mind

characters emerge before me

as I write.

inspired

The plot thickens

pages roll and pencils break

with each thought and action

Things I could never do

My character undertakes.

Inspired

with hopes of what if

And what could have been

Inspired to be

to live in a dream

where things you see

Aren’t what they seem.

Buying the Perfect Gift

Gift-Box

There are many occasions in our lives when we need to purchase a gift for someone.  Some people are happy to buy gifts and find it easy, whereas others have a really hard time choosing something suitable. Over the course of my life, I realized that gifts are very personal and heart warming items that shine some happiness into a person’s day.  So the question is, how do you buy the perfect gift?

Well, the first thing you need to do is to think.  Think about the person you’re buying the gift for.  Who is it?  What’s the occasion?  What does that person need.  The best gifts are well thought of.  They are gifts which are meaningful and which say, “I got you something you will really appreciate.”

Of course, you need to consider your budget but you can always find something right at any price.

You need to be creative.

These days, people are happy to give out gift vouchers.  It’s the lazy way out.  Once you’ve reached that point in your decision making, stop.  You are not giving it enough thought or effort.  Yes, it’s great when you’re gifting a colleague at work or someone who’s not important in your life, but best gifts are personal.  You can save time with gift vouchers but they will be forgotten as soon as they are used.  Why?  Because you didn’t choose that gift.

Think of the children in your life.  Would they appreciate gift vouchers?  Probably.  But you’ll end up driving them over to the shop and waiting for only God knows how long for them to make a decision.  Whereas you could have saved yourself all this wasted time if you just listened.  Also, you know all those toys they saw?  They wouldn’t miss them if they never saw them.

Listening to a person and knowing what they want and need is the key to a great present.  The best gifts are those which cover a person’s needs.   Now if your husband/wife needs socks, by all means, buy them some just don’t consider socks to be their birthday present.  This type of gift says, “I thought of you and went out of my way to get you this because I know you need it.” Still valid and sweet.

Knowing a person’s passion and hobbies help a lot.  When a colleague at work comes with a new set of earrings every week, you pick up on their passion (or at least liking of) earrings.  Now would it be redundant to get her some earrings.  It depends.  That’s when you should investigate a bit further.

With birthdays, people usually start to look for hints a month in advance.  Wrong.  It’s too late and the person will know you’re investigating.  You should be thinking of the present in advance.  An element of surprise is a great addition to the gift.

Conventional or traditional gifts are sometimes accepted and at other times they are not.  In the beginning of your relationship, a box of chocolates and a dozen roses are a great gift.  Years into your marriage, your wife probably expects more because you know her and this is also the lazy way out.  Deeper relationships require deeper thought.

So let’s recap and continue.

1- Gifts should be personal, well thought of, creative, and satisfies a need or want.

2- Stay away from gift certificates to sustain a more personalized touch to your gift

3- Investigate in advance.  Do your homework when looking for ideas and don’t blow your cover.

4- Hobbies and passions are a great place to consider when thinking of gifts

5- An element of surprise is a great addition to the gift

6- More serious relationships require deeper thought.  Traditional gifts are alright for a certain time only.

When they say it’s the thought that counts when it comes to gifts, it really is the THOUGHT that counts. When a person knows you well enough to buy you a present that blows you away, hold onto that person.  People who don’t put an effort need to be reminded that gifts rekindle relationships and shine through our days.

Don’t forget to have the gift wrapped and don’t forget to write something meaningful in a card.

Memories stay true when accompanied by words.

Surprise someone you love, buy them something thoughtful.

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