Bluemoon

Live a little-Put Your Phone Away

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Mobile phones are becoming a continuation of our bodies. They are forever glued to our hands and our eyes are always diverted towards the screen. Is it the fact that these smart gadgets are opening new realms and worlds through the net or are we just choosing to live our lives away from everyone? What amazing functionality have these mobile phones given us that they are taking over our thinking and daily relationships?

Let’s take the example of the calculator in the smart phone. Now for people who have I-phones you can imagine how easy it it to access the calculator and find out the answer you’re looking for, whether it’s 40 x 2 or 76213 x 761. It wouldn’t matter what the mathematical problem is, you are used to using the calculator on your phone that you have become dependent on it. I’m not sure whether or not school students today are required to actually use their brains to multiply, divide, add, and subtract or are they allowed to use their smart phones to help assist with these problems that, honestly, can be done in a shorter time period. Whether or not the development of their brains would be affected, I cannot say, I hope someone would actually conduct a study and we can find out 20 years from now how math actually helps/does not help us at all.

We used to have our friends’ phone numbers memorized, how many numbers do you know by heart? It’s so much easier to get your gadget (go-go-gadget) and press the name without even acknowledging that there’s a number stored or even realizing that if you’re put in a situation with a public phone you would have no idea what number to call (given that your phone’s battery is dead).

I am not against smart phones, I understand that they are helpful devices that can make our lives easier. An example of a great application is the maps that helps you get your location and find out how to get somewhere. Here conspiracy theorists will be glad to inform me of the dangers of smart phones and location services, having Big Brother watch, listen, and know where we are all the time. I doubt Big Brother cares where I buy my groceries, honestly, or when I talk about my day at work. Big Brother can probably listen to more important and interesting conversations that mine. 🙂

Relationships nowadays are being affected by the constant use of smart phones. When you’re with your mom, dad, husband/wife, sister, brother, and child, please have the decency to put the phone away. You do not need to see the latest trends nor do you need to hear the latest joke sent on your Whatsapp. You do not need to read the latest news about your favorite star nor do you need to look through the Instagram pictures of food, how to lose weight, latest fashion trends, or the bombardment of advertisements that just waste time. And no, you do not need to hear every single snap from our fellow bloggers; their lives only seems interesting because this is the part of their lives that they choose to show you.

So instead of watching other people’s lives, try living yours. Stop comparing your days to that of others, you don’t need to eat out everyday nor do you need to take pictures of your dinner if it’s just fish and chips. You do not need to hang on every single word coming from strangers because it’s not important. Think: what is important? Will I DIE if I miss out on today’s Snapchat? Is it your choice to watch someone’s day instead of living yours? What kind of relationship will we have with our friends and family if we are too busy to listen? How often have you put the phone down, kept it on silent, or stashed it away for a couple of hours just to spend time with others?

What matters most?

Who matters most?

Use your senses. Use your eyes to capture memories, you have enough pictures already. Live in the moment and cherish it in your heart. Be there for your child when he/she speaks to you; give them your undivided attention because they’re worth it. What use would pictures be when you’ve spent the last few years of your life using the smart phone instead of talking to your sick parent? What use would it be if you weren’t really there to hold their hands and look into their eyes? What use would it be if you aren’t saving and hanging onto every word they say? What use would it be if your husband/wife feels neglected because you choose to play your candy crush game before going to bed every night instead of talking about your fears and dreams while you hold each other?

Use your senses. Use your brains, accept your feelings, live your life and enjoy it.

What matters most? Who matters most?

April 9, 2016 0

Fashion Forward or Backward?

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Image found on http://kikiochii.deviantart.com/art/Fashion-Sketches-1-4-134403761

At a certain age, we are all sucked into the idea of fashion and what is fashionable vs. what is not. I remember my first interaction with fashion was in the 7th grade when bell-bottoms were a hit. I had to beg my mother to get me a pair of, interestingly, cotton bell-bottoms and I was so happy wearing them on the free dress day in school. Back then, I didn’t get what was fashionable through the internet but through girls at school who probably got their fashion ideas from their parents or other sources such as magazines. At then, I never questioned the “in” girls, I just wanted to be “in”.

Or basically, not be “out”.

The next fashion statement we had in school were the Docs: Dr. Martens shoes. For those of you who don’t know what those shoes are, you can google them online and imagine little girls and boys wearing the boots version to school in very hot weather. It wasn’t the prettiest sight but no-one questioned fashion. In addition, they cost a lot of money but who was I to question them?

We grew older and realized that the “in” girls and boys weren’t as “cool” or “hot” or whatever word in currently used by this generation to show how hip a person is. I started not caring when they were wearing skirts instead of the boring serious uniform pants I chose because I started realizing who I was. By the way, even books were in or out of fashion so at that stage everyone was the same which really isn’t what school should be about.

Now this makes me wonder why our teachers weren’t so keen at making us understand that individualism was important and that each and every one of us is unique in a certain way? Aren’t teachers supposed to be our mentors who would guide us into understanding life better? What about our volleyball/basketball/soccer coaches? Weren’t they supposed to be closer? What about the counselor? Shouldn’t he/she help us go through the difficult time when we were all lost teenagers?

Well, I stayed away from fashion and the cabbage patch dolls and chose to pursue other matters. I realized that it doesn’t really matter what you wear as long as you’re fine with it and accepting it. You won’t see me wearing something out of this world but I can say that I have always dressed decently to never look back at a photo and cringe.

You know those photos, don’t you? The ones where you want to scream at your younger self “what are you thinking?!?!” Well, I do have some pictures with black lipstick but never again will I make that mistake.

Benjamin Franklin said, “eat what you like, but dress for other people.” I completely agree if people are normal and don’t come up with insane ideas. This will probably get me hated by many fashionistas who make a living by trying on, checking out, assessing, blogging (seriously I don’t know what they do but I’m sure it’s important because who am I to disrespect their work). Alright, yes fashion designers come up with some insane ideas sometimes but I think it’s society and the “in” girls who make it a trend.

Who is today’s fashion icon?

For example, a few years ago eyebrows were ridiculously thin that you could draw them using the eyebrow pencil. Next, eyebrows were cut in half where the outside half would be removed because, apparently, girls only need half an eyebrow. This was the “Chinese eyebrow” phase. Nowadays, eyebrows are thick but shapely. Interesting what people do to waste their time.

How much blusher is just enough? What’s up with the makeup contouring nowadays, we never had a problem with how our faces looked without it all those years, so why do we need to look sculpted all of a sudden?

Now comes the serious part. If you were invited to a birthday party with people you know are better dressed or more fashionably dressed than you, accessorizing and making sure all their bling was evident to the eyes of the beholder, and you were a mere guest, would you have the guts to dress the way you want? In our society, many women are covered so if you were a covered woman and were invited to a party with uncovered women (which is very normal), would you be expected to change the way you dress?

And do you allow fashion to take up a lot of your time? If so, why? Does it really matter what you wear or how happy you really are? Where is YOUR point on the spectrum of fashionable-unfashionable? Where are you content with yourself and not ridiculed by others. Image is important, but how important is it?

March 4, 2016 0

Where Did We All Part Ways?

When parents choose schools for their children, they have in mind a specific social circle, a specific life style, and a specific group of people to be associated with. This is also kept in mind when purchasing a house or joining a country club. Being a part of a group matters, and being a part of a chosen group matters more.

Today, I came across a very very old VHS tape of an old school concert. Yes, you read it right, it was a tape and not a CD or DVD. Gladly, it was converted to a CD so we, in the 21st century, can have access to its hidden gems. A few minutes after laughing my head off, I started feeling nostalgic. All those people on the recording were a part of my life one day. You see, our school was a fairly young school back then so we knew all the students. A smile spread across my face as I saw myself dancing and trying to make sure I don’t miss a step. I saw people who I still have contact with on Facebook and people who I really wanted to know what became of them. Many different faces with many different stories: the boy who wrote me my first love letter and my cousin dancing along her once-best-friend.

Where did we all part ways?

When did this bunch of primary school students grow into teachers and engineers and racist lunatics and fanatics? How were we able to deviate so much from the group of sweet looking children dancing and smiling at our families in the crowd? How can one person grow up to be a politician whereas another be a yoga instructor? Did our parents really think this through when they enrolled us in the nursery?

When did our peaceful competition turn to hateful differences and racial discrimination? We never cared where any of us came from, when did we part ways? Where was the crossroad in our lives? I thought that graduation is the time where we would definitely part ways but I realized that we parted ways earlier. We parted ways when we started seeing the differences. We parted ways when we realized the difference in our backgrounds and starting comparing (and contrasting) ourselves. When we were all on that stage, everything was perfect, our individual differences made sense. Our makeup was done by our music teacher who loved us all individually, our hair was styled as we saw best (by we I mean our mothers), and our dresses were, honestly, gorgeous.

We were so pure and innocent, where did we give ourselves the right to judge? When did we think we were better and when did we lose sense of the dance of life? When did we all part ways?

Where did we all part ways?

January 2, 2016 0

اللبؤة

عودي اليّ بعد يومكِ الطويل

وتقمّصكِ دور اللبؤة

تدافع عن صغارها وتجول في الاماكن

متيقضة، غامضة، وجاهزة للانقضاض

عودي اليّ واسدلي بشعركِ المسجون

اعتقيه من لفتّه الضاغطة

ودعيه يتمايل على ظهرك بتموّجه

دعيه يرتطم على صدري

كالبحر الغاضب

ودعيه يشعر بأناملي تحدّثه

وتسرد أخبار يومي المجنون

فأنا أتوق إلى الجلوس مع شعرك

لأخفي في طيّاته الكثير

عودي اليّ بعد يومكِ الطويل

وتقمّصك دور اللبؤة

اعيدي مخالبك إلى الدولاب

وامسحي وجههك الباهت من التعب

وضعي مساحيق الحب وائتني… قطة

تمشي باستحياء بثوبها المخملي

ائتني لأزيح همّك بابتسامة شكر

وأريح بالك بحلول منطقية

وأكون جبلا صامدا يحميك

لكيلا تكوني لي لبؤة

فهذا الدور لا يناسب عشّنا الصغير

كوني للناس لبؤة

وكوني لي… أنتِ

December 3, 2015 0

قهوتي المُرّة

نحتسي القهوة ونحن نعلم بأن مرارة الأيام

ليست بلذة مرارة القهوة

فنعيش معها واقعنا المرير

نتذكر الآهات ودروس الحياة الصعبة

نتذكر مَن كانوا معنا يوماً

وابتعدوا بلا سبب

ونتذكر من كانوا معنا يوماً

وابتعدوا بعدألف سبب

وألف غصّة

وألف دمعة

ونحتسي القهوة المُرّة

نتذكر مرارة الفراق

ونغوص في احلامنا المتكسّرة

فنكاد نراها أمامنا خلال البُن الداكن

الا انها تتضح

سراب

فنأخذ رشفة أخرى نتعذب بالمرارة

قهوتنا: واقعنا المرير

وذكرياتنا المؤلمة

واحلامنا المتكسّرة

فربما (دلق) القهوة

يُبعد الشر فلا نتذكر

شر ذكرياتنا وافكارنا

وخيالنا الجامح

(وألف (لَو

خذيني يا قهوتي الى الماضي

واتركيني أسبح في جراحي

وأذوب

لأشرب بعد مُر قهوتي

كوباً من الماء

يصفّي ذهني

ويعود بي الى اليوم

September 17, 2015 0

طفل سوريا

لا تشح بوجهك عني

انظر ما اصبح من حالي

كنت في بلدي البسيطُ

طفلٌ يلعبْ، ولا يبالي

حالتي، نعم، لم تسرُّ

ولكن امي كانت قبالي

تقبّلني كلَّ يومٍ

ارتمي دوماً في الأحضانِ

تُلبسني احمر او اخضرْ

تشتري كلُّ ما في بالي

كنتُ مدلَّلٌ محبوبٌ

تَعَبَتْ لتوفِّر كلُّ آمالي

ويوماً سَمِعْتُ أنّ الحربَ

جائَت لِتسرِقَ كلُّ ما لي

أصبَحَتْ امي كالمجنونة

مصدومة بهالاحوالِ

ولا زِلتُ العبْ وأرقص

فما الداعي لكل قتالِ؟

مطمئنٌ كنتُ كلّ ليلة

العب، أرضع، فأنامِ

وتبقى امي ساهرةً

تضرِبُ اخماسٍ واسداسِ

كأنها علمت بأن الموتَ

سَيُخلِّد يوماً أنفاسي

وجاء ذا اليوم المشؤومُ

انقلبت كلُّ حساباتي

لن اكبرَ وأصبح طبيبا

سأكونُ عَبْرةَ الجيّاشِ

احضنّي يا بحر، احضنّي

لن اري قلمْ او كرّاسِ

سلامٌ لك يا كُرَتي

سلامٌ يا كلّ النَّاسِ

فها أنا ذا الطفلُ البسيطُ

افضحُ نوايا ذوي الكراسي

خيالُ طفلٍ على شاطئ

مات، ومات الإحساسِ

September 3, 2015 0

Know your Employees, Get Better Results

There are many ideas and theories regarding how to best motivate people in general and employees in specific. Most managers remember the X, Y, and Z theories of management from back in college in addition to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs which has been altered recently to add a new primitive and basic need: WIFI. I have seen an image of the pyramid with ” battery” at the bottom but thought they were taking it a little too far. To refresh your memory, Maslow stated that all people have the same needs which he then segregated to physiological, safety, esteem, and self actualization (as shown below). It’s not a difficult concept but back in college, it was just a theory.

When we finally got employed and for those of us who are fortunate to be deemed managers, we were given employees and told that we now have the role of motivating them. So what we all did was go back to our textbooks and started researching “motivation.”

Through the process of trial and error, thinking that I was sometimes too lenient and sometimes too strict, and at other times thinking that I was not cut out for this job and introverts should stay away from life as it is, I came to realize that theories were put in place as tools to help us and as guidelines to set our course. It has come to my attention that the employee I spend time talking and listening to is usually more motivated than another employee who I haven’t met with for a while. Why is that?

Communication is key. Knowing how the employee thinks and what he is looking for helps you, as a manager, identify what motivates him. An employee who seems to look forward to going out in the weekends and spending time with friends would probably appreciate time off work or additional vacation days. It doesn’t just rely on where that person is in his life, as in whether the employee is single or married, has kids, is thinking of retiring, and so forth, it also relies on the individual and his personal goals.

So let me give you a few pointers that could help:

1- When you have someone newly employed, talk to them. Listen to their life story and try to understand what kind of person he/she is. You will be surprised to know that most people lead a fairly similar life to you and usually have pretty clear goals.

2- Look at your employees, read their faces. Employees are people who get affected by what goes on in their life. They cannot just leave their problems at the door; it’s not possible, they are human. Read their faces and find out what “happy” looks like and what “sad” or “disappointed” looks like. You mostly need these two emotions to motivate.

3- Take cues from others. When you hear that employee X is unhappy, he probably is unhappy. Listen to people then try to find out if it’s true.

4- Listen to stories and try to make connections. Many things happen around the office and when you hear that employee Y is a family man and loves his kids very much, consider that a point you can use to motivate him when needed. So when employee Y does something good, maybe you can give him a gift voucher for a family dinner or offer to help with providing medical insurance for his pregnant wife to help with expenses: something related to family. More about this subject on my previous post Buying The Perfect Gift can be applied here.

5- Know your employees at a personal level without getting personal with them. This is very tricky because you don’t want to be mistaken as a friend but rather as a very nice boss. A boss which they can talk to but who would not be invited over for birthday parties. This is a very delicate balance where you need to be empathetic but not a pushover. This could sometimes makes it hard to discipline but the key is to maintain their respect.

6- Do not over-complicate matters. Some people just want and need money, others want time off, some want to be thanked in private, others want to be appreciated in public. And of course, someone is out there to take over your job. Your role is to know what the employee needs AT THAT TIME since needs constantly change.

Get to know your employees to be able to motivate them. Everyone is different and people change over time. Truly understand what makes them happy “tick” and what makes them sad “tock” Talk to your employees: be their leader, be their coach. Navigate them to succeed in their lives and you will get better results.

September 1, 2015 0

قلبا لا ينسى

وبعد سنواتٍ قضيناها معا

افترقنا

وافترقـَت طرقنا

ومضينا لنعيش حياة أخرى

بعيدة عن أحلامنا السابقة

حياة لا لذة فيها

افترقنا

بعد أيام عشناها في الهوى

ومضينا لنعيش ولا نعيش

نرى الدنيا بلا ألوان

ولا نسمع زقزقة العصافير

افترفنا

وها نحن اليوم نلتقي صدفة

احسست بنبض خفيف في قلبي

فتسائلت

أعادت لي الروح؟

هل من حياة بعد الفراق؟

وهل من بعد الظلام نور؟

فبعد أن افترقنا

ماتت جميع مشاعري

وبت صدفة بلا لؤلؤة

اسبح في معركة الحياة

وارتمي على شواطئ الأحزان

وأموت

فالفراق أهلكني

والحياة أماتتني

والآمال خذلتني

والقلب اشترى تذكرة ليسافر

ولا يعود

فلِمَ عُدتَ يا قلبي؟

لماذا تريدُ أن تقلّب المواجع

وتذكرني بالماضي البهيج؟

لا تذكرني

فقد رضيت بحياتي المملة

وواجهت الليالي الخالية

واعتدت الحياة دونك

أمثّل السعادة دوما

وأبكي ليلا ويوما

وبداخلي فراغُ ما بعد الألم

وفي عينيَّ ضبابُ ما بعد البكاء

وفي جوفي حريق لا ينطفئ

ابتعد

واذهب بعيدا

فقد افترقنا

وعشنا حياة ليست بحياة

دون طعم، دون لون، دون حب

لا تغير رأيك الآن

فقد فات الأوان

والحياة أيامها تمضي

والقرارات لا تعود

أذهب بعيدا وانسى

سنوات ضياعٍ ما أقساها

قلبا لا ينسى ولا يموت

وقلبا ينسى ولا ينسى

June 4, 2015 0

A Social Wedding

Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions. Its one of the life changing events when you walk down the aisle and realize that you’re finally becoming whole, finally becoming one with the person your heart always searched for, the person you chose to spend the rest of your your life with.

But for me, walking down the aisle I imagined someone say ‘dead man walking’ and people giving me looks of sadness and dismay.

You see, I’m not getting married because I wanted to, I’m getting married because I have to. For my family, for my social status, and for my sanity.

I found out I was gay when I was a teenager. I know many of you will not accept me for who I am but I faced this reality a long time ago. I was a homosexual before homosexuality became accepted by society and, to this day, many people in my social circle ignore homosexuals and always have negative things to say about them. So I sit in the cafe with a few of my friends or relatives who have no clue about my entity and they would diss all homosexuals around. It’s not a nice feeling to be forced in the closet, sometimes I wish I would just leave the country and start somewhere new…

But I can’t.

I’ve already established myself and my career and it would break my mother’s heart if I left. I recalled the years I spent in the US, it was the best time of my life. I was who I really was, I didn’t have to change, I didn’t have to hide, and I didn’t have to act.

And today is the grand finale.

At 43, all excuses of delays in marriage were worn out. My sister says she wishes to see me settled, my mother cries telling me she wants to see my children before she dies, and my father says he wants a grandson to carry his name. I gave all excuses I could but it was finally time to give in.

I was set up with a few nice girls. Some may have even been great friends but I knew that I needed someone who will understand me without telling her. Someone who is getting into this marriage also for a family, social status, and sanity. It happened after I was rejected by someone whose family guessed my sexual tendencies and I honestly couldn’t look them in the eye. I had to make up some excuse but was relieved that she rejected me: maybe I didn’t have to get married anymore.

The next day after the rejection as I was browsing the net, I got a call. It was from one of her friends. I was surprised because we never exchanged more than a few pleasantries. She started telling me how sorry she felt that I was rejected and what an idiot her friend was. I didn’t quite know what was the purpose of the call because I was too preoccupied that time with dating a new guy. She continued to call me for the next couple of days and started dropping hints… It took a few weeks but I finally understood.

She didn’t want to be considered a spinster. She wanted to start a family and settle in with someone…anyone. She wanted to invite people over to her new house and play the hostess to grand dinners and parties. She wanted the status of being married more that being married.

So we decided it was the best thing to be done. She never told me that she had any conception of me being gay nor did she ask. I’m not sure if she doesn’t see it or chooses not to see it. I don’t know if I should feel more sorry for her or myself.

A match made in the social circle.

To stop people from guessing what they already know and to establish something from nothing.

Walking down the aisle I see my family, heads up and proud. I see my friends with their wives and children, and I see my new boyfriend.

He knows that this is a great act. I jump up, acting all happy and getting everyone excited.

Then settle. A fake smile pasted on my face…

Dead man walking.

May 30, 2015 0

Bedoor Bluemoon

Everyday writing to expose the soul

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