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Bedoor Bluemoon

Everyday writing to expose the soul

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SHORT STORY

Little Wonder Boy

mom and son

You know the less fortunate people you see working as cleaners or housemaids or who are sometimes still looking for a job?  Those people who you act like you don’t see and feel a bit awkward when you have eye contact with them? People who are always in front of you but you choose not to see them and you walk past them like they don’t exist? Well, I hate to break it to you but if you close your eyes they will still be there.  They will continue to be part of the reality you choose to ignore.  They are not part of a TV show so you can change the channel, neither are they aliens you can send back to their planet.  They are real.

By now, some readers may have closed the window and others will be skimming through really quickly and remembering something important they suddenly have to do.  Some will just feel bad and look for a charity that basically has nothing to do with poor people and contribute by buying tickets to their expensive dinner where they will “feed the homeless” by serving canapes and a few drinks.

Well, from someone who can speak for the less unfortunate, I would like to say please keep your charity money and your feelings of being superior to yourself.  These people who you consider substandard are a part of a reality you don’t understand.  You are forgetting that they come with hopes, dreams, and families.  Their dreams are similar to yours; I’m pretty sure their dreams are very far from where they stand now.

I am one of those less fortunate people.

My name is George and I grew up in one of the little poor suburbs in India.  My parents got married and when my father found out that my mom was pregnant, he was ecstatic.  Fathers around the world have a funny way of being relentless and anxious when waiting for a baby to be born.  So my mom, who was so tired with the pregnancy for nine months, was relieved when she felt her water break.

I wasn’t born easily. Like some children in the world, I took two days to finally be born.  I was immediately loved and cherished by my mother who quickly said a prayer to ensure that no harm will ever come in my way.  She held me close to her and kissed my forehead, and felt like she was complete.

By the time I was six years old, I had three sisters.  Being the eldest and a boy was the best thing that ever happened to me back home.  I was constantly fretted over, spoiled, and looked up to.  My mother would give me a glass of milk every morning before my sisters and she would pat my back saying I’m a “good boy who can do wonders.”

And that’s what I believed.

I went to school that year and would sit with my friend, Alex, and dream of our future.  I wanted to be a pilot and see the world.  I wanted to wear the uniform and fly the plane.  Alex wanted to be a surgeon.  At that age, we only knew what we were taught so our dreams were very vague.

No-one questions dreams.  They are a private part of your soul.  They consist of what you perceive yourself to currently be and what you want to be.  Sometimes dreams don’t make sense but, who are you to question them? Why were two little boys from the little suburb in India dreaming of becoming pilots and surgeons?

No-one questions.

We grew and our dreams grew.  Our family had some problems when little Gina got infected with a virus.  My father had to sell one goat to be able to afford her medication.  My mother was heartbroken so I would try to comfort her.  She would pat my back and say that I’m a “good boy who can do wonders.”

Gina didn’t survive the infection and I was mad.  If only we had enough money we could have gotten her to the city earlier.  She could have been saved by a great surgeon.  I went to Alex and made him promise that he will be a great surgeon someday and help poor people.  I cried and he promised that he will try his best.

So the next year in school, Alex and I worked harder and got better grades.  We wanted to get scholarships and continue to get our diplomas then maybe we can achieve what we dreamed of.  Alex’s father passed away and he had to leave school to work in the farm.  He was also the eldest child and all responsibilities lay on him.  I didn’t care for my grades anymore, he was the surgeon and I was the pilot who will take him around the world to help patients.  The night Alex’s father died, Alex’s dreams also died.

I graduated from high school.  The “good boy who can do wonders” was finally ready to face the world.  My grades weren’t high enough to continue studying just yet but I was ready to work.  I booked a ticket to go to Mumbai where my uncle will help me look for a job and I was so proud!  My sisters looked at me like their savior; Lana asked me to get her some Gulab Jamun as soon as I get paid and Tatinka asked for some money to get her new shoes.  You see, she always got Lana’s hand-me-down shoes and they were worn out by the time she got them.

I promised them both then went to my mom for her blessings.  She hugged me and gave me a pat on the back, saying how proud she was of her “good boy who can do wonders” and prayed for my safety.  She gave me my packed lunch and waved good bye as my father and I started walking to the bus station.

On the way, my father told me that I should listen to my uncle, that I should trust him fully and he will show me the best way to get to my dreams.  His eyes were teary as he told me how hard life is and how we sometimes need to sacrifice things to live.  He told me how hard it was all these years to afford all the expenses of keeping a family and how hard he worked.  We reached the bus stop and the bus was driving up to us.  I thanked him for his advise, asked for his blessings, and went on my way.

On the bus, I dreamed.  I dreamed of being the best pilot.  Of wearing the uniform, of flying from country to country and meeting different people.  It was the closest I have ever been to my dreams and I could almost taste the happiness of achieving it.

I reached Mumbai and saw my uncle.  It wasn’t what I expected.  Everything was so fast paced and everyone seemed to be in a hurry.  We stayed in a flat with seven other men and would barely have enough space to cook and eat.  I lived in that flat for six months, missing my mother and father, missing Tatinka and  Lana.  But mostly, I missed Alex.  I knew that Alex would find a way to get to our dreams.

But where was Alex?

So by the seventh month, my uncle took me to a recruitment agency.  He told me that there was hope for my employment.  It was a small office with a man sitting behind his table, smoking.  He looked down at me and tapped his fingers on the table while my uncle answered all his questions humbly.

“Is this him?” he asked.

“Yes,” My uncle replied,

“200 rupees”

“Oh, Thank you very much, sir, thank you”

The next thing I knew, I was signing employment papers.  I didn’t quite understand why my uncle had to pay him for my employment.  I can be employed based on my skills and knowledge.  I am, after all, the “good boy who can do wonders.”  I knew I will be employed in a foreign country and my heart skipped a beat: I will finally be in a plane!  I will finally see how a plane flies, and I will meet the pilot.  I was truly getting closer to my dream.

A week later, my uncle took me to my family for a quick visit because I won’t be able to see them for the upcoming two years.  I cried, my mother said she can’t wait to see me again and wanted to get me married as soon as I got back.  Tatinka and Lana made me promise to call them everyday and were envious.  My father looked content.  He told me that I finally understood my duties and he is proud of the man I’ve become.

And before I left, my mom gave me a pat on the back and called me her “good boy who can do wonders.”

I left home with my dreams packed away with my lunch.  I looked forward to this trip all my life.  I thought of Alex who was covered in soil as he wished me farewell.  He said he will try to come along but his mother found him a good wife and he will be wed next month.  I knew he gave up on his dreams when I looked into his sad eyes.

When I reached my destination, I was shocked.  I didn’t meet the pilot.  I was shoved around like a piece of nothingness when I stood in the middle of the airport in awe.  I was screamed at, scolded, and looked down at when I sat down to eat my lunch.  I didn’t know why people were so mean.

And when I got to the country I was employed in, my dreams shattered.

I was apparently employed as a construction worker.  That night I couldn’t sleep in the shared accommodation.  I missed my old life.  I missed when Alex and I dreamed.  Then it hit me.  Everything my father said was true.  He never said I was going to be a pilot.  He never said life was easy.  He never lied.  I just never listened.

It’s ironic how the “good boy who can do wonders” ends up being a construction worker in a faraway country.  It’s ironic how climbing on top of buildings is the closest I will ever get to flying.  I was tired, homesick, and heartbroken.

I cried…

Then I heard a little voice next to me “pssst… are you okay?  What’s your name?”

“George,” I answered

“I’m Jon.  What’s wrong?”

“I never thought I’d work in construction.  I had big dreams for myself.  Didn’t you?”

Jon snickered,” I wanted to be an engineer.  You?”

“Pilot”

Fear, Terror, and Disbelief

Residents-in-Cebu-City

It was like any other day for Kevin as he sat at his desk entering the sales numbers with his mind wandering off to the weekend. He would sleep in for a couple of hours before taking the girls out to their friend’s birthday party.  He wanted to spend time with them since he gets home very late during the week and they’re already in bed, sleeping peacefully.  He knew that someday he would regret not being there.  He grew up in a home where his father was also never available, just trying to make a good life for the family.  Now he was doing the same and feels guilty because he knows the consequences.  He knows that they will forever wonder whether or not he loved them and will always come to the conclusion that their father loved his work more.  It was so sad to think of but he couldn’t do anything about it.  The company pays him well and without a college degree, he was thankful to have found a job like this.

What Kevin tries to do to compensate is spend as much time as he can with the girls during the weekends.  It was their time and he was always looking forward to hear about how their week was and what drastic and amazing things happened at school.  He needed to ask about the little boy who had chicken pox marks and whether or not the kids stopped calling him Leopard.  It wasn’t such a bad nickname, he thought to himself, it would actually be intriguing once he reaches high school.

Kevin was lost in thought when it happened.  It was surreal and totally unexpected.  He felt the table shake from under him for a split second.  That’s strange, he thought to himself.  He looked at his mug next to the keyboard and his mind went blank when he saw it shake.  It happened so quickly, he didn’t have the chance to digest the fact that an earthquake just hit the city.  He didn’t know what to think or feel when he saw the side of the building collapse.  It was just seconds ago when his colleague was sitting at his desk working and now the colleague, desk, and half the building was lost to nothingness.  He felt the sunlight shine through and take place of what was just florescent lights.

He froze.

Then everyone screamed.

It was mayhem.  Everyone was running around screaming like headless chickens, with their minds totally dysfunctional.  He stood in awe, frozen and blank.  Come on, Kevin, MOVE!  His friend said, pushing him towards the door.  He starting running.  Where should I go?  What just happened?  He wondered.  Stairs.  I must get to the stairs.  Yes, that’s where everyone seems to be going.

He followed the group to the stairs and started walking down.  They reached the third floor and the person in front halted suddenly.  There were no stairs.  Wreckage covered the steps and everyone was panicking.

“What shall we do?!”  Someone screamed.

We have to get out before the building collapses!  Half of it is already gone, I don’t think it can stay up with half of it gone.

Dan?  Have you seen Dan?  Dan! DAN!

Kevin was concentrating on finding a way around the rubble.  Help me up, try to push me up.  We don’t have to go around it, we can go over.

They started pushing each other over the wreckage.  Shoes were discarded, clothes were covered in dust, faces were distressed and alarmed, and Kevin had one thought on his mind: his family.

The people in the building barely made it out in time before they felt another earthquake.  The aftershock, he thought, I remember teaching Laura about it last year.

He started running towards the havoc that was once a very normal and fairly quiet street.  He looked up at the building, it was cracked open like an egg with one half on the ground.  He heard screams coming from under the rubble and he saw his coworker run towards the screams. Dan!  He heard her scream.  Dan! She was covered in grey dust but continued to look for Dan.

I must look for my family, Kevin thought.

He looked for his car keys and realized that he left them in the office.  He looked at the roads  and decided he couldn’t have used the car anyway.  Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.  The earthquake was over but the it was still the beginning for him.

He ran towards the school.  He didn’t want to think of the possibility that something happened to his wife.  He wanted to believe that she was fine and she was also thinking of their daughters.  She would be running to the school too.  He thought to himself.  Mindy’s fine, she’s a strong woman.  I’ll meet her there. 

The school was worse than his office building.  He heard the children cries from a distance and the teachers trying to calm them down with worried voices.  Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.  The paramedics were rushing in and trying to get everyone seated and teachers were counting and recounting the students.  Ms. Addison from the administration was running as fast as her little feet would take her with papers.  She went from one teacher to the next handing them out: they were the attendance sheet.  Great, Kevin thought, I can find my girls.

Ms. Addison, he said, jogging by her side.  Would you happen to know which class my girls are in?  Where can I find them? She apologized for not being to help and muttered something that sounded like a little prayer under her breath.  He looked at the children’s faces just in case he sees someone he recognizes.  Then he saw them.  Two little girls huddled under a tree with their faces buried in a hug.  He knew it was them and ran.  Laura!! Stephanie!  He screamed but they didn’t hear him.  He screamed again and they lifted their heads.  He saw tears running down both of their identical faces and felt so helpless yet relieved.

He hugged them both tightly to stop the trembling.  It’s OK, you’re alright.  We’re all alright.

It took them a few minutes to calm down.  They didn’t share what they saw nor did they talk about what they felt. Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.  They just held onto one another while being carried by their dad.  Then Laura said, “is mommy OK?” ” I don’t know, I’m sure she is” Kevin answered and held onto hope.

They went over to the paramedics.  Sir, let me check the little girls, please.  The medic checked reflexes and asked them a few questions.  “All clear, sir

Could we have someone drop us home?”

“Sorry, sir, we are working as fast as we can but we can’t move any of our units, there are five kids missing.”

Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.

Laura and Stephanie started crying.  It took Kevin a while to figure out that the missing children were in their class.  Leopard was one of them.  Ms. Addison came back and assigned Kevin a few children to take care of and he gladly obliged.  He never knew she would be strong in difficult situations, never knew that a person so small in size can sum up enough courage to keep people calm.  He looked into her eyes and expected to see a hero.  Fear, terror, and disbelief.

Kevin tried calling his wife but the network wasn’t working.  He thought it would probably take a few days to get it up and running.  He looked at the time, his wife should have been here by now.  He knew that she would be worried about the girls.

Then he started getting worried about her.  Really worried.

He looked over at the children and wondered where their parents were at.  Then it hit him, some of their parents might not come to get them.  Some of them might be stuck in the rubble.  He recalled the screams, Dan! Dan!  Then realized that Dan was sitting on the Eastern side of the building, the side that fell.  He realized that Dan also had a family that was worried about him.  Where is Dan now?  Where is Mindy now?

He started praying.  Praying for the parents, praying for the five missing children, praying for the loved ones, praying for his wife, praying for Dan, praying for the young and old.  He thought of the hospital and the people there.  He hoped nothing happened to the hospital.  It was a normal day, doctors had operations scheduled and could have been in the operation rooms.  What happened!?  He wondered in shock.

He looked up at the sky.  It was late afternoon and people were still scurrying.  Children weren’t crying as much: some were taken home by their parents and some just gave up and went to sleep.  He looked at his two angels who were playing with some grass.  He thought of his wife, where are you!?

It was getting late and he had to go home.  He had to check on his wife.  She could have been home and had something fall on her!  She might have been stuck all that time while he was waiting for her.

The last of the children under his supervision were picked up and he went over to the medics.  She drove them home. Throughout the way, Kevin prayed and prayed.  Trees were fallen on the ground and parts of buildings and homes were scattered across the roads.  Some people were still walking around and Kevin could hear parts of their conversations.  Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.

They reached home.  The lights were on and the two girls were running towards the door as it was suddenly opened. He looked at the figure in the doorway and realized it wasn’t his wife.  Where’s mommy?! They asked, scared.

In the distance, he could still hear the cries of his coworker in his mind, Dan! Dan! Dan!

Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.

Decision Day

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He stood by his desk thinking of the decision he just made and finally followed through after being so reluctant for the past 15 years.  It took him 15 years to take this step and when he finally did, it didn’t feel the way it should.  He wasn’t happy, he was ecstatic.

He looked at the picture of his wife and two boys and wondered how they would take the news.  He didn’t know that today was the day.  He didn’t know that today he would set himself free to pursue his dreams.  He didn’t know that on his way to the water cooler he would deviate and pass by his boss’s office to inform him.

He stood by the glass door of the office knowing exactly what he wanted.  Everything was clear to him.  Everything he did up to this point in his life was clear in his head and he saw exactly where he needs to be next.  He wasn’t emotional and he didn’t have a plan.  Nothing specific happened to trigger the decision, it was just time.

Time.  Oh how much time he wasted doing something he didn’t enjoy.

He had enough.  He had enough with putting on his suit every morning and driving the same route.  He had enough of thinking “what if” and “when will I?’  It was enough procrastination.  He procrastinated his life for the past 15 years and it was time for it to end.

He always knew what he wanted to be and do at an early age.  His passion for the kitchen led him to come back from work everyday and cook, regardless of the workload he carried.  He only felt alive with the chef’s knife in his hand, cutting vegetables and stirring pots on the stove.  He had a calling yet ignored it for so long thinking that his pay was more important than his dream.  He planned to start a small restaurant when he retires but couldn’t go on one more day.  This was it.  This was the day he chose to change his life.  This was decision day.

He knocked on the door and waited for the answer.  He walked in and very calmly explained his decision.  The boss nodded, stood up, and gave him a hug.  The boss knew him too well.  He saw him in the company’s last barbecue dinner and how his eyes lit when he was grilling the burgers, how laid back and comfortable he looked in the apron. He knew he would be losing one of his best employees soon and he was right.

He walked back to his desk and saw he didn’t have many “personal belongings” to pack.  He took the photo frame, his keys, and mobile phone and started walking.  He was never one of the team, he was always a guest that never clicked in.  One step, two steps, three steps, he smiled.  Four steps, five steps, six steps, he turned and looked at the office, everyone was busy working on their computers or talking on their phones. He grinned. Seven steps, he started removing his tie thinking how cliche.  Eight steps, nine steps, 10 steps, he throws the tie in the bin and reaches the elevator.  He presses the down button and waits.

The elevator arrives, he walks in and turns.  This would be the last time he walks into a corporate building and he gladly presses “G”.  He knew that this was the best decision he ever made.

Summer of ’79

 

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It was evident that her weight wouldn’t help her merge with her school friends.  During the summer vacation between the 9th and 10th grade, she started to skip meals, count calories, and live on the scale.  Her attitude was the worst: she never listened, stopped having fun, and didn’t want to spend time with her family.  She wanted to be like the models in magazines.  She wanted to lose weight so that they would stop calling her ‘chubby Chloe’ in school.  She knew that she only needed to lose five to ten kilos and she would be perfect.

What is perfection?

She exercised and reduced her food intake to the minimum but the results weren’t evident.  Her weight loss wasn’t fast enough.  She only had two months to get in shape so she obsessed and started to lock herself in the bathroom after every meal just to get rid of it.  Her throat was sore but she didn’t care.  All that mattered was her image, her career as a teenage model, and how well she fits in school.  She lost weight but couldn’t see it; she only sees “chubby Chloe” looking back at her.

By mid summer she was taken to the hospital after her organs gave up. By the end of summer, she was able to sit up straight in the bed and take a few steps.  By December, it was evident that she learned her lesson.  In school, she wasn’t called ‘chubby Chloe’ anymore, she was ‘bulimic-Chloe’

Truths Untold

eavesdropping

Childhood is filled with great memories and hopes.  The first time you slept over in your friend’s house, the first time you stayed up till midnight, the first time your teacher acknowledges your hard work and recognizes you in front of your classmates.

Hopes…dreams…aspirations.

Childhood is when everything was simple.  When you don’t watch the news because, to you, the only news you need to know is what you see in your everyday life.  When it was unforgivable if you talked back to your dad and hamburgers are not an option since your mom thinks chicken burgers are better for your health.

You hear glimpses of grim conversations about your far cousin who passed away from an overdose and you don’t dare ask because you know that you were eavesdropping.  You hear about the married teacher who has an affair with the foreign administrator and know it’s a hush hush thing so you act all cool in front of her, not really knowing what “affair” is.  You join the after school activities to fit in with your classmates and feel ecstatic when you get invited over to one of their homes.

Going to your friend’s house after school is a privilege.  Having lunch that isn’t like the conventional one you have at home is an experience.  And seeing their room for the first time is a discovery.  You play “hair dresser” and actually cut one of your friend’s braids.  Her mom’s not happy.

Then you hear of something grim like war and don’t realize what is really going on.  You only think of the gas masks that your parents didn’t buy and worry.  You don’t know why you are actually worrying but you do.  You think of your cousins who have gas masks.  You check on the safe room your parents designated and open the cupboards to check on the canned goods.  Yum.  It feels like a serious matter and you feel scared.  You don’t know why but you pick up on the overall fear going on.

You fear monsters in your grandmother’s house. Your eldest cousin makes up stories and they haunt you when you go to bed at eight.  You wrestle, you play, you get hurt, you buy a bike because everyone has one and you ride.  You ride around the block and have the wind blow in your hair.  You put up your hair in a high ponytail, go out to lunch with your family, and lock yourself in the bathroom when reading the I love you letter you got from the boy who sits next to you in class.  And your heart skips a beat.  Then your younger brother pukes and you go home thinking of how embarrassed you feel (totally not considering his feelings because, come on, everyone’s watching you!)

You run.  You take tips from your brother who tells you to keep your hands open and push your head back so you run faster.  So you do that without questioning his knowledge.  You compare dolls with your friends and realize you don’t have the latest, so you ask your parents who buy it for your birthday.  You cherish that doll for a year, and park it at the corner of your room with the other previously cherished dolls.

You listen to your parents shout behind closed doors and worry.  It hurts to hear them shout.  You don’t understand what’s going on but it just doesn’t feel good.  To hear your mom’s voice change from relaxed to unhappy isn’t nice.  But by morning, everything is fine.  Your parents are fine as if nothing happened and you act like you never heard a thing.

You miss you father when he’s away on business.  You enjoy vacations and going out with your siblings. You live your life without thinking of the future.  All you care about is yourself.  Your happiness, you simple requests, your toys, and whether or not you’re getting pizza today.  And it’s usually not a worry.

You hear of someone sick.  You try to find out who but no adult gives you any attention.  You don’t even ask.  You hide behind the sofa and peek at the movie Jaws and have your heart race at the music… dan dan dan dan dan dan starting out slow and becoming faster.  You can’t sleep that night, so you end up sleeping on your parent’s sofa.  And it’s the best sleep ever.

Then you grow older.

You realize that you like beef burgers, you realize that mayonnaise isn’t so bad, and you realize that overdose means drugs.  You grow older and realize that the war that was in your region wasn’t in your country, and many people died.  You grow older and realize your classmates won’t care what you do in your life, they are too preoccupied with theirs.  You grow older and realize couples have problems and it’s strength not to show kids they exist.

You grow older and realize that sick person had cancer and didn’t live.  You grow older and commend movie producers for scaring us (then end up watching some action or chick-flick instead.).

You grow older and watch the news.  Grim news all day, everyday.  You hear of car accidents, and realize that the policeman who came over in the third grade and tried to teach you that seat belts are important was trying to save lives.  You realize he probably came across some painfully realistic accidents.  You realize your married teacher was cheating and got caught, her boyfriend got deported, her husband made a scene at school, and she got fired.  And then you realize the meaning of affair.

You grow older and see things differently.  The happy place we called life is now more realistic (and not so happy).  A world where cancer kills, racism hurts, and war destroys homes.  You realize that the stories you read every night are fairy-tales and you can never be a princess.  You realize your father had to go away on business trips to afford that doll you ignored after a year.  You realize your mom was tired.

You grow older and you lose the innocence you once had with every step towards adulthood.  Your dreams, hopes, and aspirations remain your dreams, hopes, and aspirations.  You realize the world isn’t as simple as you thought it was, and the glimpses of conversations you heard were the truths untold to children.

Afternoon Tea

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The first memory she had of her grandmother’s house was the scent of freshly baked blueberry muffins.  She loved how the aroma filled the entrance and loved the traces of flour on the surface of the working area.  She would draw little hearts and her grandmother would tease and ask if the hearts were meant for her or the muffins, and she would answer the muffins.  She loved her grandmother who introduced her to this wonderful world of baking.

She remembered the sweet lemon pies they would make in the summer to accompany the swimming trips and the warm apple cinnamon crumble that would accompany the winter winds.  She was her grandmother’s little helper.  The person who would hold the rolling pin and the person who would garnish the cake tops with chocolate shavings.  She was the person who would cut the two day old bread to cover with the custard, raisins, and nuts and turn it into warm home-made pudding.  She would always choose the floral tablecloth and tea set for their days together and would help serve afternoon tea to her family and enjoy every second of their tea time together.

All her free time was spent in the kitchen with her grandmother.  she learned everything in regards to the temperatures, recipes, and baking tips. She asked her father for a set of baking pans for her tenth birthday and was ecstatic when she unwrapped the pink wrapping paper and saw them in the box.  Her first baking pans.

She always wanted to settle down and start a family of her own.  She met Owen once she started college in orientation and  things just clicked between them.  Her short dark hair and warm hazel eyes penetrated his heart and he knew that she was the woman of his dreams.

They had some joined classes and Owen was so happy to help Catherine with her work.  They spent so much time preparing for projects and presentations.  After two years of college, Catherine told Owen that she will not be continuing her education and a Diploma was enough.  Her grandmother have passed away and she had to go back and spend her summer in the old kitchen.  He understood her passion and wished her well but didn’t want to lose her so he promised to take some time to visit her for a week during the spring break.

She walked into the old kitchen and ran her fingers across the top of the working area. Dust in place of flour.  She opened the cupboards that once held the dried cranberries and vegetable oil and they were empty.  She sighed.  She opened the fridge that was once packed with eggs and cream to have an empty space stare back.  She took the rolling pin in her hand and started to think of a way to bring life back into her grandmother’s  house.

She smiled and started to work on cleaning up the house.  She started with the kitchen, then the rooms, and finally the living area.  She made sure the place was warm and welcoming as it always was when her grandmother was around.  She left the house and came back with bags of groceries.

She started by making a basic vanilla cake. She sliced the vanilla bean and used half in the custard she was cooking on the stove.  Her heart skipped a beat when she thought the eggs curdled but was satisfied to see that it all went well.  Her grandmother taught her well.

she was expecting her father, mother, and sisters to arrive soon and Owen also confirmed he would be coming over for tea.  He had a different plan in mind and coordinated with Catherine’s mom to propose.  She was ecstatic to hear and gave her blessings.

Catherine chose the floral table spread and got her grandmother’s floral cups and saucers.   She started boiling the water for the tea and was piping creme patisserie in her eclairs when the doorbell rang.

It was nobody.  She felt a bit of wind across her face so she had to make sure the draft was managed by closing the windows.  Catherine arranged the eclairs, vanilla cake, mini sandwiches, scones, and oatmeal cookies on the table and took a seat next to her grandmother’s chair.  She placed a plate with one piece of each baked good and a cup of warm tea as tribute to her grandmother.  She was content with the outcome of four hours of baking and felt her grandmother would be proud.

The guests walked in and were impressed.  Her sister beamed and Owen didn’t believe she didn’t buy the cakes.  She smiled and sat down, making sure every one had a taste of her cakes.

Owen proposed.  He went down on one knee and told her how she filled his life with happiness and what an honor it would be if she accepts to be his wife.  He slipped the ring on her finger.  Her family congratulated them and soon the get together was over.

Catherine was alone in the house, cleaning up and putting things back.  It was the perfect day in her grandma’s little home.  She was wiping the working area and unconsciously started drawing little hearts.  She was exactly where she wanted to be.

“These are for you, grandma,”

The Floral Dress

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She stared at her reflection in the mirror and a stranger looked back.  It has been a while since she took a hard look at herself: her hair was hard and brittle, her skin looked dull and lifeless, and her eyes just looked old.  She looked back at the major events in her life and felt content.

She married early in her twenties and had her first child a year later.  She chose to stay at home and be a full time mom while her husband was working to support the family.  The first few years of her marriage were fine until she got pregnant again.  It was as if her husband didn’t want another child, as if her girl would cost so much and there was no way to support her.  She proposed to work part time from home and got a job as a data entry officer; this way she was able to be home with her kids and still earn some cash.

Then she got pregnant again and it wasn’t as easy as her previous pregnancies.  She would doze off when her second child naps and would wake up barely in time to prepare dinner.  The house was a mess, the laundry was piled up, the dishes were stacked, and the kids were dirty.  Her work was never done on time and she still had to manage play-dates, birthday gifts, homework, and doctor appointments.  It was getting out of hand but she still stayed strong.  Still managed to take on more responsibilities.

Years passed and things settled a bit.  Her kids were at school and they were very much independent.  She still had to raise and discipline them, it’s just easier without late night feedings and diaper changings (at least).

During all those years, she ignored herself.  Ignored her dreams and ignored her aspirations, ignored her desires and needs.  Her friends drifted apart from her as she became more consumed with her family.  She knew that her family is her life.  She chose her family over her life.  She sacrificed herself to make their lives easier: to make her husband and kids happy.

And today, she gets to celebrate her family. Her little boy got accepted in the college of his choice and is leaving the next day so they were all gathered for a farewell dinner.  Her husband made the reservations and told her to “dress up” because it’s a very high class restaurant.  She opened her cupboard and got her floral evening dress out.  She put on her makeup, smudging the eyeliner over the creases of her lid and put her lipstick on quickly.  She brushed her hair over the little bald spot she just realized and clipped it in place.  She looked for her expensive perfume and sprayed it on her neck and wrists.  She grabbed her shawl, glasses, and bag and went down to meet her husband who was already waiting in the car.

“I tried to be quick” She said.

Silence.

“I’m sorry, you only gave me 15 minutes, I barely got out of the shower when I heard your car come up the driveway.”

Silence.

She didn’t say anything else.  She wanted to concentrate on the positive so started thinking of the previous years. She remembered the sleepless nights and difficult days, the books they would read at night and the homework she ends up writing just because one of the children was tired.  Now they have their own life.  Her eldest works as an accountant, her girl is still studying to be a doctor, and now her baby is going away to pursue his dreams.

She looked over at her husband who looked dead serious.  She didn’t want to speak to ensure that the night’s not ruined and she started fiddling with her shawl.

They walked in.  Her husband didn’t bother to wait for her and reached the table where their children were sitting and flipping through the menus.

“Finally, mom!  We thought you’d never make it!  Why are you wearing heels?  You don’t even know how to walk in them!”

“Dad, couldn’t you at least make her wear something better?  I’ve seen this dress a million times, it’s the one she wears for everything!”

“Excuse me, I have to visit the ladies’ room.” She walked into the stall and started crying.  This wasn’t how she expected the night to start.  She didn’t think her children would be so mean.  Didn’t they know of everything she has done for them?  Don’t they know she’s their mother.

She stopped crying when she heard the bathroom door open.  A lady in heels walked in.  “Yes, Janice, I’m here already.  He’s telling her tonight.  They’ll just have dinner then he’ll tell her.   We planned it so well!  I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she finds out we’ve been together for 10 years.  I’m not a home wrecker, she doesn’t deserve him.  We already established our new office in Delaware, he says he doesn’t want to be around anything that reminds him of her.  Yes I’ll get her ring, that old hag!  He says giving her his mother’s ring was the worst decision he made after marrying her.  No, I won’t let her keep it.  Did you see the diamonds on it?  She doesn’t even know how to wear it.  Hahaha yes she’s wearing that hideous floral dress…”

Silence…

Best Friends Forever

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She started questioning everything and everyone.  Things she once thought were given truths are now unknown.  Her life was hazy, she didn’t have anyone to turn to and it was one of the most difficult phases in her life.  

She sighed.
She recalled her childhood: things at school were as dramatic as they would be for all students throughout the generations.  Issues and fights over toys and clothes and best friends and so forth.  Best friends.  She went through all grades in her mind and one face kept popping up.  A familiar face from her childhood.  A face she once knew so well they pinkie swore they would never lose touch.

But they did.  A really long time ago.

They never had a falling out, just a drifting apart.  Things like this happen.  Junior high is over and all of a sudden you’re not even talking to your best friend.  You start hanging out in different circles and even though you live a block away, you just never meet up, never bump into each other, and never speak.  As if the sleep-overs never were and the secret signals weren’t a part of your childhood.

She smiled.

I’m sure she remembers our code names.

It took her a few months to gather the courage to contact her childhood friend.  She thought it would have been awkward to just give her a call.  Plus, she doesn’t have her number.  She remembered the kind of friendship they had and the great times they shared.  It’s a good thing they’re friends on Facebook.

She sent a message, “Shortskin, this is Waldo, are you there?”

Time stopped and she was transferred back to the 80’s.

A few minutes passed.  She panicked, I’m sure she’s busy with her life.  What am I doing?  What am I expecting from her?  Beep.

“Shortskin here, what’s up Waldo?”

“Papa’s dead.”

“…I’m coming over”

Tug at Heartstrings

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It never occurred to her that her life would take so many different turns; that the dreams she once had as a young girl would remain dreams.  Her reality is far from what she planned.  She didn’t think that she would be staring at her day’s schedule with a tear in her eye.  All she knew is that she had to take her life one day at a time and hope things would get better soon.

She walked into the hair dresser.

She thought of the choices she made.  She got married and just had a child 11 months ago.  Her lovely Evelyn.  

“Good morning, how are you?  How’s Evelyn doing?” her friend asked.

“As cute as ever,” she replied joyously.

Tug.

Her husband left as soon as he found out she was pregnant.  He ran away and left her alone with his sick mother.  He said he found a job that can support his family but they never got any money transferred. That was a year ago.  She had to make choices.  She had to be strong for her baby.

Seems like we’re in for an adventure! We’re fully booked today.

Yes.  Lives go on.  People get to raise their children while she’s busy working.  They get to spend time with them while she spends her time dying and blow drying. 

“Hello Ma’am.  My name’s Jane.  Please have a seat and I’ll come back with our catalog.

She couldn’t spend Christmas with her daughter because she was needed at work.  She couldn’t wait to get off work today.  She wanted to hear her giggle and see her smile.  She smiled.

“I want to have a bit of highlights done and I want a trim.  Only from the back because my son keeps pulling on my fringe.”

Evelyn never pulls on her fringe. 

Tug.

“I know I should have come last month it’s just I have no-one to hold my kid.  I barely get to go to work for a couple of hours and I have to be with him the rest of the day.”

Tug.

“Sometimes I tell my husband I need one night off every week to go out with my friends.  I need to be around adults, to have adult conversations and stop listening to nursery rhymes all day.”

Tug.

The day’s finally over.  She gets to go home and see her sweet Evelyn.  Her excitement gets the best of her and she forgets to get dinner.  It doesn’t matter, she’ll find something in the fridge. She unlocks the door and walks into her empty apartment.  She turns on her PC and puts on her headset. Ringing.  Her daughter’s image pops up on her screen “mama” she squeals. “Hi baby.  I missed you today.  Hi Mama, how are you?  How’s Evelyn?” “Hi honey.  We’re good.  She’s tried to pull herself up and had a bit of a fall but she’s alright.” 

Tug.

“Did you ask if you can take your leave next month?”

“Yeah my boss said she’d look into it but I explained it’ll be Evelyn’s birthday.”

“I’m sure she’ll agree.  We miss you. It’s been almost a year”

“It really seems longer.  Evelyn, let’s sing Itsy Bitsy Spider.  The Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout.  Let granny show you how to do.  No mama, not this way, thumb to forefinger.  Yes exactly.  The Itsy Bitsy Spider…….”

Tug…

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