Personal

Optimism

Sh%#t happens. It isn’t a secret to say that life doesn’t always go as planned nor do things always unfold the way you want them to. Is the glass half empty or half full? How are you perceiving the current situation? What are your coping mechanisms to deal with life surprises and curve balls? Well, the topic is overly discussed that people have reached a point where they would actually question the presence of the glass and would introduce realists into the equation.

Realists, THIS ISN’T THE POINT!!!! The whole point from talking about the half empty/half full glass is to consider the positive vs. negative point of view and whether you can change that view.

Some people are born with a positive view towards life and try to change situations to fit their liking. Making the best out of a bad situation is an art in itself. Turning lemons into lemonade takes persistence and magic (and a lot of creativity and hope.) I have realized that there are some things that can be done to help be more optimistic in work settings and come up with the following pointers. The only reason I don’t think it applies to general life and relationships is because they have more emotions

1- when you hear about the situation, breathe. Take a deep breath, listen to the person informing you of the situation, try not to strangle him, and stop your thoughts. Just listen.

2- Give yourself a few seconds to freak out. Swear, curse, scream, just make sure you do it and get it out of your system. This is the only time you can imagine the worst case scenario, let it motivate you.

3- Assess the current situation. What is REALLY the issue. What are you really facing? Identify your problem and try to do it as objective as possible. It’s usually not as bad as you think. Try to focus on the actual situation and not the worst-case scenario you imagined, keep that beast locked up in your imagination.

4- Be creative. Find ways you can reduce the negative impact. Do you need to tell your boss? Can you fix the situation yourself without jeopardizing your job? Try to dismantle and reassemble the different parts of t he situation.

5- Communicate. You can have different creative ideas in your mind but you wouldn’t know what would work if you don’t communicate. Ask. We usually don’t get what we want because we don’t ask. Emails should include an actual request to do something, you shouldn’t assume the other party is a mind reader. Nor is the other party powerless. You would be surprised that people are usually logical beings, they will understand that the 5000 flashy pink sunglasses you ordered will never be sold and might be able to exchange them for you if you agree to pay for shipment.

6- Accept that there is a price to pay. Your boss will probably scold you and you might be listening to what a big failure you are for the next coming months but it’s OK. They will eventually find someone else to badger.

7- Smile and consider yourself lucky you didn’t lose your job. And if you did, you’ll find a better one.

Turn lemons into lemonade and consider the glass half full. Life is too short to fret over mishaps at work. You have your family and your health. Worst case scenarios are always worst in your head and when it comes down to it, you’ve learned something.

May 6, 2015 0

Inspired Tonight

Inspired

Sleep escapes my eyes

And I listen to my inner voice

Stories unfold in my mind

characters emerge before me

as I write.

inspired

The plot thickens

pages roll and pencils break

with each thought and action

Things I could never do

My character undertakes.

Inspired

with hopes of what if

And what could have been

Inspired to be

to live in a dream

where things you see

Aren’t what they seem.

May 3, 2015 0

الأحلام

نعلّق آمالنا صباحا

عند طلوع الشمس

ونتأكد بأن أحلامنا

تبقى دافئة في أسرّتنا

لنبدأ يوم جميل جديد

نرى فيه أعين أحبتنا

نشتاق إلى مجالستهم ونحن معهم

نشتاق إلى محادثتهم ونحن نحادثهم

فلا نرتوي

وتمر الساعات كالدقائق

لنعود إلى أسرّتنا ليلا

ونلبس آمالنا المعلّقة

ونحتضن أحلامنا الدافئة.

April 26, 2015 0

Summer of ’79

It was evident that her weight wouldn’t help her merge with her school friends. During the summer vacation between the 9th and 10th grade, she started to skip meals, count calories, and live on the scale. Her attitude was the worst: she never listened, stopped having fun, and didn’t want to spend time with her family. She wanted to be like the models in magazines. She wanted to lose weight so that they would stop calling her ‘chubby Chloe’ in school. She knew that she only needed to lose five to ten kilos and she would be perfect.

What is perfection?

She exercised and reduced her food intake to the minimum but the results weren’t evident. Her weight loss wasn’t fast enough. She only had two months to get in shape so she obsessed and started to lock herself in the bathroom after every meal just to get rid of it. Her throat was sore but she didn’t care. All that mattered was her image, her career as a teenage model, and how well she fits in school. She lost weight but couldn’t see it; she only sees “chubby Chloe” looking back at her.

By mid summer she was taken to the hospital after her organs gave up. By the end of summer, she was able to sit up straight in the bed and take a few steps. By December, it was evident that she learned her lesson. In school, she wasn’t called ‘chubby Chloe’ anymore, she was ‘bulimic-Chloe’

April 26, 2015 0

Grey and Grey

For those of you who are still faithfully watching Grey’s Anatomy and caught last night’s episode I am as shocked as you are. How? Why? Who? Seriously?!?! 11 years of great episodes, ups and downs, airplane crashes, patients, Neuro-surgeries, debates, heartaches, and losses, we are faced with this? Sigh. The story goes as the story goes, do not question the author.

Although some things in Grey’s Anatomy are far-fetched and aren’t very realistic (such as the cloned cancer Meredith took home with her), it’s still a fairly reasonable series to follow. It seems like it won’t last much longer but we can always watch reruns. Come on, we had the same feeling of utter loss when Friends was over so we need to prepare ourselves. We can always live on reruns.

Meanwhile, keep Thursday nights for your TV shows and the rest of your week for reading. Grey’s Anatomy shook us for the past 11 years and another type of Grey shook the world: 50 Shades of Grey.

So here I am, a couple of years ago, walking naively in what I believe to be the Virgin Mega-stores in Dubai when I see piles of beautifully stacked books. I walk up to the pile and, out of curiosity, pick it up: 50 Shades of Grey. Hmmm… Interesting. I think I had a mental link to Grey’s Anatomy and assumed it was good. The way it was marketed around the bookstore was ridiculous! They must have had at least 20 piles of 30 books each AT LEAST! The author apparently signed a GREAT publishing deal and the marketing team did a great job to encourage people to buy it.

Mental note to self: do not judge a book by its cover or by the way it’s being displayed.

Let me be clear about something, I don’t read the back cover unless it’s REALLY necessary but since it seemed like a great book, I decided the front cover was enough regardless of the fact that it was fairly ambiguous. The image of the tie was honestly very intriguing and it seemed like a nice little romance, it seemed to be the “it” book of the season. Therefore, being the very fashion forward person I am, I bought it.

Fast forward: a few months after being piled up in my “to read” pile, I talk about it to one of my friends who tells me that it’s basically a dirty little book. Everything she said was news to me. I was like a five year old being told that Santa didn’t exist and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had flashbacks to the book store and how I looked to make sure people saw me buy the fashionable book, then I had a flashback to flipping the book over and thinking I won’t read it because it would ruin everything. Ah the many times I could have said NO. The many times I could have saved that money. And the way I felt about being a blind follower was just painful Then it hit me, what if I READ it!!! What if I started reading it and the confusion grew with every page? That would have been something!

So what did I learn from this incident?

1- Not every Grey is good, some Grey is bad

2- If you have a bad book, you’re stuck with it forever because you don’t want to seem tasteless for giving it to someone else. Hence, the book will stay in your shelf until one of your grandchildren finds it and will assume you had a weird life.

3- Spoilers are better than wasted time and money. Read the back cover of the book.

4- Don’t buy a book because it’s in fashion, but a book that you will enjoy and is worth buying even if you have to spend time choosing it.

5- Listen to your friends, they usually have something important to say.

April 24, 2015 2

Truths Untold

Childhood is filled with great memories and hopes. The first time you slept over in your friend’s house, the first time you stayed up till midnight, the first time your teacher acknowledges your hard work and recognizes you in front of your classmates.

Hopes…dreams…aspirations.

Childhood is when everything was simple. When you don’t watch the news because, to you, the only news you need to know is what you see in your everyday life. When it was unforgivable if you talked back to your dad and hamburgers are not an option since your mom thinks chicken burgers are better for your health.

You hear glimpses of grim conversations about your far cousin who passed away from an overdose and you don’t dare ask because you know that you were eavesdropping. You hear about the married teacher who has an affair with the foreign administrator and know it’s a hush hush thing so you act all cool in front of her, not really knowing what “affair” is. You join the after school activities to fit in with your classmates and feel ecstatic when you get invited over to one of their homes.

Going to your friend’s house after school is a privilege. Having lunch that isn’t like the conventional one you have at home is an experience. And seeing their room for the first time is a discovery. You play “hair dresser” and actually cut one of your friend’s braids. Her mom’s not happy.

Then you hear of something grim like war and don’t realize what is really going on. You only think of the gas masks that your parents didn’t buy and worry. You don’t know why you are actually worrying but you do. You think of your cousins who have gas masks. You check on the safe room your parents designated and open the cupboards to check on the canned goods. Yum. It feels like a serious matter and you feel scared. You don’t know why but you pick up on the overall fear going on.

You fear monsters in your grandmother’s house. Your eldest cousin makes up stories and they haunt you when you go to bed at eight. You wrestle, you play, you get hurt, you buy a bike because everyone has one and you ride. You ride around the block and have the wind blow in your hair. You put up your hair in a high ponytail, go out to lunch with your family, and lock yourself in the bathroom when reading the I love you letter you got from the boy who sits next to you in class. And your heart skips a beat. Then your younger brother pukes and you go home thinking of how embarrassed you feel (totally not considering his feelings because, come on, everyone’s watching you!)

You run. You take tips from your brother who tells you to keep your hands open and push your head back so you run faster. So you do that without questioning his knowledge. You compare dolls with your friends and realize you don’t have the latest, so you ask your parents who buy it for your birthday. You cherish that doll for a year, and park it at the corner of your room with the other previously cherished dolls.

You listen to your parents shout behind closed doors and worry. It hurts to hear them shout. You don’t understand what’s going on but it just doesn’t feel good. To hear your mom’s voice change from relaxed to unhappy isn’t nice. But by morning, everything is fine. Your parents are fine as if nothing happened and you act like you never heard a thing.

You miss you father when he’s away on business. You enjoy vacations and going out with your siblings. You live your life without thinking of the future. All you care about is yourself. Your happiness, you simple requests, your toys, and whether or not you’re getting pizza today. And it’s usually not a worry.

You hear of someone sick. You try to find out who but no adult gives you any attention. You don’t even ask. You hide behind the sofa and peek at the movie Jaws and have your heart race at the music… dan dan dan dan dan dan starting out slow and becoming faster. You can’t sleep that night, so you end up sleeping on your parent’s sofa. And it’s the best sleep ever.

Then you grow older.

You realize that you like beef burgers, you realize that mayonnaise isn’t so bad, and you realize that overdose means drugs. You grow older and realize that the war that was in your region wasn’t in your country, and many people died. You grow older and realize your classmates won’t care what you do in your life, they are too preoccupied with theirs. You grow older and realize couples have problems and it’s strength not to show kids they exist.

You grow older and realize that sick person had cancer and didn’t live. You grow older and commend movie producers for scaring us (then end up watching some action or chick-flick instead.).

You grow older and watch the news. Grim news all day, everyday. You hear of car accidents, and realize that the policeman who came over in the third grade and tried to teach you that seat belts are important was trying to save lives. You realize he probably came across some painfully realistic accidents. You realize your married teacher was cheating and got caught, her boyfriend got deported, her husband made a scene at school, and she got fired. And then you realize the meaning of affair.

You grow older and see things differently. The happy place we called life is now more realistic (and not so happy). A world where cancer kills, racism hurts, and war destroys homes. You realize that the stories you read every night are fairy-tales and you can never be a princess. You realize your father had to go away on business trips to afford that doll you ignored after a year. You realize your mom was tired.

You grow older and you lose the innocence you once had with every step towards adulthood. Your dreams, hopes, and aspirations remain your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. You realize the world isn’t as simple as you thought it was, and the glimpses of conversations you heard were the truths untold to children.

April 22, 2015 0

Little Girl

The little girl loves to skip, dance, and run. You hear her little feet tread so softly on the sand and her little steps are everywhere. She goes outside to hold her pet duck disregarding the fact that it’s double her size and smells so bad. She climbs on sofas and jumps from chair to chair just to hear everyone in the house shout “stop!”

She seeks attention all day, everyday. She holds onto her mother’s hand (and leg, and head, and shoulder) with her sweet soft hands. A butterfly. She holds onto her aunt’s hand (and leg, and head, and shoulder) with her sweet soft hands. She does the same to her grandmother, grandfather, and uncles. Her touch, so soft, so sweet, and so manipulative.

She shows compassion to others. Her love for her family shines through her big eyes… and she smiles. Beams and fills the house with warmth.

She giggles, laughs, and dances like a princess. She wears her long Elsa dress and knows very well the accessories that go with it. Knows that it’s supposed to have a long tail and her hair must be braided. She plays the role so well and takes the issue seriously. It’s Frozen! Her favorite!!

She wants to go outside. I tell her she needs to change and she does. Gets her thin legs into her leggings so quickly “Let’s go!” she says enthusiastically. And we leave.

Sheer innocence while she swings, “higher, higher!” And I push her higher. She drops her slippers into the sand “My slipper!” So she stops, gets the slipper, and gets back up.

She falls, and tears run down her cheeks.

“There’s blood!”

“It’s just a scrape”

“I need ice!”

Minutes later… “Is it gone?”

“No, it’ll be gone by Friday.”

A few more minutes later… “Is it gone?”

“No it’ll be gone by Friday”

So Thursday, she falls on her lip.

Don’t grow up too fast. Stop growing and just be. Be free to play, be free to run, be free to dance. Be free, little girl, to play with your duck and your toys. Be free, little girl, to watch TV and listen to stories. Be the little three year old we love and cherish and skip over into our heart and soul.

Dedicated to my little niece: Malak. You bring happiness wherever you go, sunshine.

April 21, 2015 0

New Year Resolutions should be SMART

Everyone has a boost in motivation when writing their New Year resolutions and, honestly, why not? It’s a great time to start something since everyone else is doing it. It’s usually the time when people are very optimistic about the 365 days coming up they feel that they can do anything, everything, the thing they never got around to, and thing they vowed will be done, and the thing they will probably stop doing in a few months.

Now why is that?

Well, beginnings are always hopeful. The start of a new job, the start of a new relationship, the start of a new goal, and so on. The problem is the start is usually where we make mistakes.

When setting goals, you should make sure that they should be SMART goals. I’m sure many of you know the concept of SMART goals in work but, as a reminder, goals should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound. We apply SMART goals in our jobs and it honestly travels well into our lives.

Now let’s take the classic example of losing weight. The usual resolution is “lose weight” or some more specific version such as “lose five kilos this year”. Alright the second one is a bit better but the goal is so vague Future-You would look for (and find) the loop holes. Future-You would say “well, I lost a kilo so I’m alright” NO! You’re NOT alright, you must be stronger than Future-You. You must be SMARTer 😉

S- Lose five kilograms

M- measurable with a weighing scale

A- it is most probably attainable

R- yes it’s relevant as it has to do with your weight

T- by June 30, 2015.

(Motivation: one slice of chocolate cake- this addition would help keep your eye on the goal. But internal motivators should be used for better results).

Aha. Now you can apply the same method to your other goals.

Challenge yourself, set your goals and make sure to keep milestones that would keep your motivation up. It helps when you can see the end that’s why 30 day challenges work well. For writers who plan to write a book, milestones can be the chapters written or reviewed. For photographers, milestones can be a certain number of pictures taken and shared or sold, and so on.

Identify the goal so you can keep it right in front of you. Identify your goal and work towards it. Identify your goal and reward yourself when you reach. Pat yourself on the back and be proud.

Stop giving yourself excuses, start somewhere SMART.

April 18, 2015 1

Kids Today Are Not Airheads

I came across a post written by a connection of mine on LinkedIn and it caused me to think all day. The title of her post is “Rich Kids… Air-Heads.” https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/rich-kids-air-heads-eman-deabil . Maybe the purpose of her title was to cause people to wonder about her point of view, it sure got me to wonder.

To sum up her post, she talked about how we (I’m guessing Generation X) have a better understanding of the value of money and how entertainment for us was limited to three TV channels, the “Famous Family Game,” and a DOS computer. She talked about how kids today are too preoccupied with material matters and gave some examples of some who are, in her point of view, taking matters to the extreme.

I also have a point of view towards this topic:

1- Not everyone born with a “golden spoon” in his mouth have to turn out to be a brat. Many highly respected people in society have had the privilege of growing up in fairly rich families. Does that mean we have to mark them all as useless? Many start working in their family businesses during their summer vacations because they must be educated on every single matter before even graduating high school. Family dinners turn to business meetings and the second generation are used to hearing work and business related issues: it’a a part of their childhood. Some parents are so strict they seek perfection from their “golden” children. First world problems? Maybe.

2- Understanding the value of money doesn’t necessarily come from parents needing to save, it comes from parents teaching their children the value of money. Knowing the difference between necessities and luxuries travels well into all families regardless of their Status Quo.

3- I understand that your indication of “rich” isn’t in regards to money in the pockets, but in the amount of leisure today’s kids have. Well, in our days, our parents thought we were spoiled too. Just because there are different methods Continue reading “Kids Today Are Not Airheads” →

April 13, 2015 0

Bedoor Bluemoon

Everyday writing to expose the soul

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