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Gratitude- Happy New Year

gratitude

Happy New Year!!

With the beginning of the new year, resolutions take an interesting place in our lives.  People who have not considered goals for the past 11 months have typed up or wrote on a piece of paper, using great penmanship, their goals.  I have also typed up different lists in previous years but this year, I thought I would approach the new year differently.

In my mind, I know what I want.  I know what I’m aiming towards, and I know what matters to me.  I know my shortcomings, I know my strengths, and I know the people I’d like to keep in my life and those I would rather not have around.

So it’s the first day of the new year and I haven’t written my resolutions, didn’t update my vision board, and didn’t set deadlines for weight loss and schedules for play dates.  I would rather spend the first day in gratitude.

This may seem to you as a very cheeky post as many people are so keen on starting something new, new challenges and new hope, whereas here I am trying to pull them back, pressing the break, and asking them to breathe.

Yes, breathe.

Breathe in the air.  Feel the air around you, you are alive.  You are alive and conscious.  You are in this world aware of what is going on, that’s something.

Gratitude.

Gratitude for being alive and well.  Gratitude for a good year, gratitude for not having lost anyone this year.  Gratitude for having my parents and seeing them everyday.  Gratitude for two healthy boys, gratitude for a loving husband, gratitude for wonderful siblings.

Gratitude.

Gratitude for not living in a war zone.  Having a safe place to sleep and not having to worry about starving.  Gratitude for running water.  Gratitude for all my accomplishments.  Gratitude for being able to wake up, move my arms and legs.  Gratitude for the ability to take a deep breath and gratitude towards having the ability to think.  Gratitude for all the days I spent, however they were, in this life.

Every day is a blessing.

Thank you, Lord, for a great year.

footprints-in-the-sand

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Failing

failing

Failing

even after getting what I want

still failing

still feeling the tears run down my cheek

still hearing promises that make me weak

failing to fulfill what I want the most

failing and turning into a ghost

failing to find happiness in it all

failing to run away from this brawl

failing to be who I really am

and being at peace with where I stand

still failing.

 

-From Dreams of a Blue Moon

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Too Much on YOUR Plate?

multitasking

A couple of weeks ago I met a young ambitious gentleman who was feeling anxious about starting a new job and complaining about how the 6 days a week/8 hours a day job will take him away from his passion in writing.  Take a moment to digest this: the 48 hour week will take him away from his passion.  Um, have you met mothers?

Mothers, God bless their souls, have the ability to juggle a million things a day.  They must be on call all day, everyday, regardless of what they are doing or what they would like to be doing.  They must be available for any kind of emergency ranging from a sudden hunger pang at 4 a.m. to a temper tantrum in the middle of a family gathering.  On call ALL the time.  So when a mother chooses to spend the last few hours of her day in exercising, reading, chatting with her friends, staring into nothingness, and living her life just a little bit then she is compromising actual sleep time for the sake of life.  Please let her do what she wants.

Life, as you know it, is different with mothers.

I read once that a mother is living proof that human beings don’t need actual sleep and can live on coffee.  I cannot be held accountable for the seriousness of this point but it makes sense to me.  It all comes down to choice:  would you rather sleep or would you rather feel like a person?

You see, regardless of common belief, mothers are normal human beings with hopes and dreams.  They realize that they should exercise, have friends, and go out but sometimes they are not in a position to do so.  Sometimes, life has to be put on hold for a couple of years to enable the caring of a baby and thus ensure the continuity of humankind.  Yes, I am trying to sugarcoat the first few months of a baby’s life just to reassure myself that there is light at the end of the tunnel and honestly, I have seen it before.  It takes almost a year for the phoenix to raise from the ashes.

But it’s that first year that tests what a woman is made of.  How agile she is, what are her goals in life, how she thinks children must be raised, and what comes first in her list of priorities.  Many women choose to put themselves first and foremost and I have the greatest respect for them because I believe in the freedom of choice.  Do I support it?  Does it matter?  I’ve heard a blogger I highly respect repeat that women need to stop putting each other down when it comes to motherhood because each and everyone of us is doing her best as she sees fitting to her lifestyle.  I would really like to believe that all women love their children regardless of how naive it makes me sound.  Knowing that the most sincere and pure kind of love is emitted from every mother is a very calming notion and I choose to cherish it with all my heart.  (tangent, I know).

Back to the chaos behind the love and the background mechanisms working to maintain the family life.  Let’s compare a man’s morning and a mother’s morning.

Man

It’s 7 a.m. and the man is fast asleep.  He hears the soft jingle of the alarm from yonder and quietly opens his eyes, his hand reaches for his phone and automatically snoozes the alarm, getting extra minutes of sleep after deciding that he is too tired from the day before.

Mother

It’s 6 a.m., there is no alarm clock because the mother is relying on her biological clock and/or her children to wake her up.  She wakes up on a wailing child ranting about something that just doesn’t make sense.  The mother wishes to put the child on “snooze” but sadly children don’t come with a snooze button.  So the mother burpees her way out of bed to quiet the baby down.  In the meantime, all other children wake up and start talking at the same time.  Noise takes its form of insanity and the woman tries hard to maintain a smile on her face.

Mothers fight through the pain of sleeplessness, the pain of not being appreciated, and the pain of not knowing when her next shower is.  This is not a joke, showers genuinely make people feel better.  They fight through the screams, fight through not being respected and listened to, and fight through the physical exhaustion.  True fighters, mothers still manage to fill their plate with ways to prove herself independent and amazing to act as a role model for her children.  In the 24 hours a day, mothers manage to cram extra hours to give even more to her family.

So with the nearing of a new year, all mothers will consciously decide to take it easy while their subconsciousness will stand proud, chest puffed and ready for more responsibilities, more obligations, and more love.

Grabbing life by the horns.

Bring it on.

giphy

 

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A Rose From The Past

red-roses-1

Once upon a time, a young woman received a red rose from her loved one and, in the heat of the romance, vowed to keep the symbol of their undying love forever and dry the rose in one of her favorite poetry books.  She checked on the rose every few days to make sure that it still kept its shape, remembering the details of the day and imaging how she will open the book when she is old and happily married and call onto her husband who will join her in the memory with fondness that will be spoken of for generations to come.

… Or so she thought.

How many times was the promise of undying love proven to be a temporary feeling and a spur of the moment decision?  How many times has “forever” turned to something closer to a year or so, and how often have, “my heart will only beat for you,” turn to mere words spoken and soon forgotten.  Ah the many lovers who vowed and sworn and so easily checked out of love hotel and how many realized that the hotel is a small bed and breakfast?

Roses, and flowers in general, hold great meaning within their petals and are thus used widely by lovers all around the world.  Those of you who were successful in drying a flower realize that it has stood despite the harshness of life and remains powerful with its beauty.  Even though many relationships don’t work out, the importance of that single dry rose defeats time and turns that previous love immortal.

So with the social networking craze that enabled people to find out what their ex’s are up to, many long forgotten dried up flowers suddenly emerged and many old hideous pictures were tagged.  If a person is alive, you can eventually find out what they’re up to whether by searching the images in news (especially if you are living in a closed community like we are,) or by finding a friend of a friend of a friend who happens to have an open profile and a few pictures close to the location of your ex’s home.  You get my point.  We all searched for our ex’s and we all managed to find a loophole in their privacy even though we are not hackers.

Now, when a wife, who is not really happy with her life choices when it comes to the person she chose to marry, looks at the empty screen of her laptop after a great fight and recalls one of her ex’s, she may hear the siren’s song to take a leap into the dark end of the internet, to dance with the social media, and to search for her ex.  And what could she find?

Everything:

Her ex is a successful entrepreneur, a happily married father with a wife who is, in a word, stunning, yearly vacations, and the one-too-sweet picture of him in his mother’s 80th birthday surrounded by perfection.  Of course, in comparison to the S#it hole the stalker (well, what else would you call her?) is living, she is in hell envious of the heaven she sees.  And to make matters worse, the ex is a chocolatier.

Why oh why didn’t I marry the chocolatier.  Yes, a person who makes CHOCOLATE for a living!  A person who probably takes the small pieces of chocolate home to his wife because she loves chocolate.  Well, we all love chocolate!  Why don’t we get some?  A real Willy Wonka without the craziness.  A chocolatier!

If we only knew where life would take us, that woman would probably stick with the chocolatier knowing that the little things that she hated about him when she dumped him are the least of her concerns.  Does it really matter that he has a uni-brow?  HE MAKES CHOCOLATE for a living!!

Well, the simple minded game of, “if I married X, I would be ….” can by played with no guarantees as to the happiness levels afterwards because regrets and decisions make us who we are today.

And the rose I found in my poetry book?  I couldn’t for the life of me remember who it’s from.  I might have even bought it myself to see if I could dry flowers.  This really sounds more like me.

So, the next time you receive a flower and choose to keep it for the future, write a note explaining who it’s from, the date you got it, and what was going on that day.  Consider it a message in the bottle, but enclose enough information to remind yourself of the day.  You will have so many things on your mind later in life that you will not remember anything.  It is not a movie you watch in an hour or two, this is a lifetime of memories and events.  Do not expect to remember everything.

Lesson 1: when drying flowers, make sure to write a note with information

Lesson 2: if your current boyfriend’s family own a chocolate shop, stick with him; he will probably become a chocolatier.

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سكوت

كلما تتحدث

واختار ان اسكت

تظهر كلماتي على شكل شعر ابيض

يجتاح رأسي

وها انا اليوم

احتاج لصباغته مرتين كل شهر 

ولا زلتَ تبدو في العشرين

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Management By Surprise

There are many management styles and theories in history and managers are usually open minded in trying them out.  Two of the basic management styles we learned back in college were the theory X of management and the theory Y of management; theory X basically states that all employees are bad and don’t want to work so they need to be constantly supervised and disciplined (we put a big X on them).  Theory Y states that all employees are good and are willing to work and need guidance and positive reinforcements.  Through my somewhat limited years in management, I have tried out both and saw that the best fit depends on the employee, the manager, the organizational culture, and other factors; management is both a science and an art since managers are dealing with different personalities and emotions.

Emotions are being recognized nowadays as an important factor in organizations and emotional intelligence is a fairly recent concept introduced to the world.  What I think, in my opinion, is that using emotions to manage is a good tool even though it might seem to some a bit manipulative.  Visiting a sick employee in the hospital creates an emotional tie between the employee and the manager; not visiting the same employee will create a negative grudge that will forever stay with the employee and his psychiatrist will be the only one to assist him in letting go. (Let it Go- Frozen soundtrack).

So what other emotions can we use?

Put yourself in this situation: you are sitting at home watching TV and all of a sudden, your spouse walks in and tells you how much he/she appreciates you.  Well, that’s sweet.  Now picture yourself in the same situation and a complete stranger walks in (let’s assume you kept the door unlocked) and tells you how much he/she loves you.  Wait, what? You feel different because of the element of surprise.  Interesting how surprise causes an adrenaline flow.

Now back to the business environment.  Picture yourself sitting at your desk checking your emails and your boss suddenly announces that you must all pack your things as he is taking you out to the beach to discuss how to best develop your jobs.  Wait, What?  Why is surprise a good thing?  Well, people are habitual creatures; they like to fall back on a specific routine and have things all within their comfort zone.  The salesman who was assigned in branch A for the past two years is content, relaxed, happy, and doesn’t want any change. He is probably doing the minimum as he is working on autopilot from the second he stepped out of his home.  What can you do?  Change his schedule and shift him to another place (employee rotations).  He will have to think which route to take, will have to try out different routes on the way to work, will meet different types of people in the new location and will have to, at least, pay attention to the different things around.  Now that is beneficial for the organization and even to the employee who will be able to increase his skills and knowledge.

Daily routines kill the development of your organization and change is important.  As a manager, instead of managing by walking around, try to manage by surprise.  Shake the grounds a little, do things you never did before and ask for things you never even thought of before.  Change the format of the forms.  Change the layout of the office space.  Rotate people around and switch cubicles, buy lunch one day, the crazier you are the more ground you will shake.  The more your employees wonder what will go on in their day at work, the more you are likely to have employees who are awake.  Don’t scare them, surprise them.  Don’t spoil them, make them wonder what’s on your mind.

The best managers are alive with ideas.  Put some life back into your dead organization.

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Family Matters

o-addams-family-facebook

Growing up, I was fortunate to be around my cousins.  Yes, it was great sharing those wacky years where we made up names for scary monsters and scary things that didn’t exist.  It was also great losing our minds and acting all silly.  Yes, I am glad to say that Royal Rumble was an expected game regardless of our gender and acting out dares almost always ended up in tears.  I went through times when I felt out of place and unwanted and at other times, I felt adored and looked up to.  Sitting down with my cousins and talking about the good’ol’days always warms our hearts.  These are the cousins from my mother’s side of the family.

Now my cousins from my father’s side are a different story.  Back when I was young and arrogant, I didn’t think that these cousins mattered.  In fact, I didn’t even know who they were if I were to meet them in the street.  I know that there were ties once as I have some vague memories of running around in one of my uncle’s house and a video taping of other cousins playing around in our house.  After that, we seemed to have lost touch.  Now that I’m older and a bit more humble, I started seeing things different.  It all started when my father decided to have a small get together.  I was very intrigued because, you know, they’re my family.  I looked forward to the event and was shocked to see one of our relatives look very very very similar to my sister.  Hmm… I thought to myself, this is probably the “blood” they’re referring to in “blood is thicker than water.”  It was one of the greatest days in my life: a resurrection of something I never knew existed and a realization that these cousins, too, are a part of who I am.

What’s ironic, though, is that even though I grew up with cousins from my mother’s side, the similarities between my cousins (dad’s side) and I are more.  Have I drifted away from how I was raised or have I come home to who I really am.

Another situation that made me realize that I didn’t need to know my cousins to feel their pain was when one of them lost her spouse.  It was tragic and sudden.  To see my cousin (who had to be pointed out to me, I dare say) devastated and crying tore me to pieces.  I would have given anything to change this unfortunate fate.  I held her and cried.  Years later I saw her with her sisters.  By the end of the visit, I had to ask which one was the cousin who lost her husband.  It’s so sad that in all these years I didn’t contact her.  But, blood is thicker than water and I pray for her piece of mind.

Regardless of who our family is, family matters.  Whether it’s genetics or growing up with your family that ties the bonds, I am proud to say that I am honored to have such great cousins.  Cousins that I share stories of a “big green eye walking,” “picking jasmines and meeting the dreaded cat,” “ducky go down the hooooole” and all the jokes from Friends.  And cousins that look like me and surprisingly act like me although we’ve been raised differently.

Addams Family Theme Song

They’re creepy and they’re kooky

Mysterious and spooky

they’re all together ooky

the Addams Family.

 

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اشتياق


اشتاقت عيناي الى النظر الى الكلمات المنقوشة على ورق الشجر، الى التمعن في كل كلمة صاغها الزمان في أوراق العمر، كلمات مخلَّدة بين دفتين لا يعشقها الا العالم ولا يشتاق لها الا الفاقد 

دفتان تحمل في طياتها روايات الماضي من عاشق ومعشوق،،، من قاتل ومقتول،،، ومن بطل يهيم في البوادي بحثا عن عينان يتوه في سوادهما 

دفتان تحمل في طياتها احلام المستقبل على هيئة القصص القصيرة من بطولة ال(أنا) والنرجسية الحمقاء التي تحوّل الكون الواسع الى ضيق الانسان.

دفتان تحمل في طياتها عبق الماضي، وامل الغد، والحياة اليومية والتي لا تكاد تخلو من الآهات نعيش من خلالها لننسى ونهيم في آهات اخرى.

اشتقت لملامسة الأوراق بأصابعي المرتجفة وانا استشعر ما الذي تحمله الصفحة الأخيرة من ابداع الكاتب، اشتقت لرائحة الحبر وأرقام الصفحات التي لا تنفك تمر مرورا جميلا في مخيلتي، اشتقت الى النظر الى عقل ليس بعقلي واستشعار أحاسيس ليست باحاسيسي 

فأين انت يا من تنتزعني من واقعي لأعيش في دنيا الاحلام؟

تعال وأبعدني من دنيا الكلام الفارغ المسموع لأعيش الخلود معك
يتحدث المرء فينسى الكلام

اما الكتابة فتدوم الى الايد 
Woman reading book among shelves on balcony in American History Room in New York Public Library, 1944. Photograph by Albert Eisenstaedt. LIFE. From http://books0977.tumblr.com/post/118379841752/woman-reading-book-among-shelves-on-balcony-in

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The Donkey, the Cake, and the Flat Bread

Shrek Donkey
PIC BY MICK GALLAGHER / CATERS NEWS – (Pictured A Wild Burro in Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area) Whats so funny? This mule clearly found something hilari-ASS when he got up close to one photographer. The wild burro – which bears a striking similarity to Donkey from the Shrek movies – was captured on camera by wildlife photographer Mick Gallagher – who spent months trying to get close to the group. And when one animal finally decided to pose for the camera, it seems he found something to smile about – with hilarious results. Mick, 42, who has been working as a professional photographer after he was made redundant from his marketing job during the economic downturn, has tried to build a bond with the animals, which roam in the Red Rock Conservation Area, Nevada. SEE CATERS COPY.

Traveling helps widen your horizon.  You get to see different cultures, different ways of life, and a variety of people who you would never meet back home.  You learn new things, come back with great stories, and feel like you have done something different.

A few years back, I had the privilege of traveling to a less “advanced” country.  I thought that this would be beneficial where I would get the chance to reconnect to myself away from the noise that is technology.  It was a great opportunity to see the basic roads and the simple way people were living.  It was refreshing to be feel like I was walking back in time and I am more than glad to share with you my experience.

This is the story of the donkey, the cake, and the flat bread.

 

The flat bread.  One day in my trip, I decided that I wanted some more flatbread because the amount served in breakfast wasn’t enough for everyone.  I learned previously that when you are on vacation and want something, go and get it because this is an opportunity that may or may not present itself to you again in your future.  I gathered my courage and practiced the few words in the foreign language to help me get my message across and walked to the flat bread “oven”.  There was a long line of customers waiting and I could smell the sweet aroma tickle my nose.  I knew that this was the best decision I made that day and even though this was going to take a while (given the rate the cue was moving), I would finally get my sweet flatbread.  Customers got their orders and I was getting close to the window and when I finally reached, I saw it.  The oven was blazing hot, the baker was sweating, and there was a bathtub in the back filled with dough.  Yes, it was a bathtub.  It wasn’t covered with anything to keep insects away and apparently this didn’t bother anyone.  You see, I was a very sheltered person and this bothered me immensely but I was too polite to cancel my order.  I reluctantly took my bread and the image of the white run down bah tub still stuck in my memory.  It was horrific at that time but now, I just laugh.  This was a practical solution for the baker and so he used it.

The cake.  Back home, I was used to having some coffee and cake as a snack so it was surprising when the group of tourists were going to a garden/coffee shop.  The weather was fine and there was no way my night would be ruined.  We arrived at the cafe and sat down for a break, I was looking forward to my cake so I got up and reached the barista.  There was a pile of what looked like mega cupcakes without any toppings except one almond flake so I assumed it was an almond cupcake.  It wasn’t exactly what I was looking for but who can go wrong with sugar and flour?  I pointed at the cake while maintaining eye contact and put up one finger to show that I wanted 1 piece.  He nodded his head, moved the cling film from the cupcakes, took one cupcake out, and placed it in my hand.  No plate, no fork, no knife, no nothing.  I was dumbfounded as I received the piece of dessert but, again, I am pretty shy and sheltered so I chose to take it without so much as a complaint.  I mean, who am I to question the culture, right?

Moving right along.

The donkey.  Keeping an open mind gets you places you never dreamed of.  I’m sure that’s what my sister was thinking that day when we decided, on the same trip, to take the only means of transportation to the magnificent waterfall.  You see, to get to the waterfall, you are either expected to walk upstream with cold water trickling on your feet or use donkeys with their respective “drivers”- children who can’t be older than 14 who are in charge of navigating.  We were escorted on the backs of the mules with no saddles required and requested, in a foreign language, to stay put.  My sister was younger so she was sharing one donkey with a friend.  We trusted our lives to the young drivers who, at one point, started chatting about who-knows-what.  I kept my eye on my sister and her friend fretting that the donkey can’t handle their weight but, the poor animal, was strong.

He was strong but not very smart.

In seconds, we passengers all had out eyes fixated on my sister’s donkey.  It started wobbling in the thin path and the driver left it and was chatting with his friend.

“Do you think it knows where it’s going?” someone said

“Yes, I’m sure it takes this path a few times a day.  I heard it memorizes paths,” I replied, not knowing where I got that piece of information

“Seems like the donkey’s a bit bonkers.” She replied in a worried voice.

And suddenly, the donkey slipped.  Down came the girl sharing the donkey, and on top of her my poor sister, and right on top, the donkey toppled over.  She swore to me that she was face to face with the mule.  She was looking into its eyes and felt its weight on top of her.  My poor sister couldn’t have been more than 13 years old at that time.

And to this day, she remembers the donkey’s face so clearly.  It’s so sad it’s hilarious.  Things you can only experience when you have an open mind. Humor is out there, go get it.

 

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