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Bedoor Bluemoon

Everyday writing to expose the soul

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Don’t Tell

domestic-violence1

It was an ordinary day when Eve woke up to face yet another message from her husband.  She hoped that he hadn’t come home last night for she wasn’t up to cleaning up his mess this early.  It was the first day of school for her children and the last thing she wanted to do was clean up. She just couldn’t fathom mopping another spill nor is she up to picking up another pair of socks.  She just couldn’t.

Everyone knows Eve.

Eve is a typical girl next door.  She loves music, is part of the school’s drama team, paints her nails red on Valentine’s Day, and gets along with everyone.  Eve had dreams of becoming a great lawyer and working in one of the nation’s biggest law firm but her plans got side tracked when she got pregnant with her first child.  It wasn’t the way she wanted to walk down the aisle but her best friend continuously assured her that her little baby bump was hardly noticeable.  On that day, she believed life had so much more to give and her life with Adam was just starting.

Adam and Eve couldn’t go away on their honeymoon because they had to save up for the baby.  Giving birth was an overwhelming experience and Eve was ecstatic.  Her life seemed perfect; her life with Adam seemed perfect.

Seemed.

It started one night over a silly dispute. Adam started arguing and accidentally told Eve he was tricked into marrying her.  Scheming bitch, he called her.  Manipulating whore. My life’s biggest regret. It was different and yet the same every time.  He came up with harsher abuses every time… Then he apologized every time.

Scheming, manipulative, mistake, regret, ugly, fat, stupid… The list goes on.

She fought back once when he started painting their life pitch black because she felt like he needed to understand that she was not who he says she was.  She tried to fight back, to answer, to explain her point of view and to clear her name just to get a hard slap across her face.  She looked at him stunned.  Is this really happening to me, she wondered in bewilderment.  She looked into his eyes to see whether or not her high school sweetheart felt any shame and she saw none.  He started shouting.

Scheming manipulative bitch!

And she cried.

He hunted her insecurities.  Made her question her life and every decision she ever makes.  Removed all things that made her human, started controlling who her friends were and made sure she cuts all ties with everyone who ever mattered to her.  Made sure to turn her into his own toy, his own property.

She said nothing. He slapped her and she said nothing.  I can’t get a divorce, I don’t have a job, how can I support my kids?  He will surely win custody over them and I’ll never see them again.

He kicked her, and she said nothing.  He punched her, and she said nothing.  Say what, and to who?  There was no one around and the small chores he assigned her were mostly in the house; she had to take permission to go out and had to give a full report when she came back…so she usually stayed at home. It was never worth the hassle to conceal her bruises.

Scheming manipulative bitch.

She stopped caring.  She stopped caring how she looked.  She stopped caring to cover her bruises even from her children since they already disrespect her and see the arrangement at home as ‘normal’.
She stopped wondering if there is a different life for her out there. Her reality was obstructed by what she heard and saw everyday.  Abuse. Verbal and physical abuse.

She stopped thinking for herself and took everything told to her as given truths.

She stopped questioning if she was worthy of living let alone loving.

Loving?  Oh he told her he loved her constantly. Before a beating, after a beating, and sometimes during a beating.  Why did you make me do this to you? He would say holding her tight after smacking her.  Why are you doing this to us? Why do you cause us such misery?

Scheming manipulative bitch.

Eve, the girl next door who wanted to work in one of the country’s biggest law firms took up acting instead.  On stage, she paints her nails red for Valentine’s Day, but every day red blood is a part of her attire.  On stage, her name was darling wife but backstage she remains the cause of all of the world’s problems.

Scheming manipulative bitch.

#Break the silence, stop the violence. 

Family Matters

o-addams-family-facebook

Growing up, I was fortunate to be around my cousins.  Yes, it was great sharing those wacky years where we made up names for scary monsters and scary things that didn’t exist.  It was also great losing our minds and acting all silly.  Yes, I am glad to say that Royal Rumble was an expected game regardless of our gender and acting out dares almost always ended up in tears.  I went through times when I felt out of place and unwanted and at other times, I felt adored and looked up to.  Sitting down with my cousins and talking about the good’ol’days always warms our hearts.  These are the cousins from my mother’s side of the family.

Now my cousins from my father’s side are a different story.  Back when I was young and arrogant, I didn’t think that these cousins mattered.  In fact, I didn’t even know who they were if I were to meet them in the street.  I know that there were ties once as I have some vague memories of running around in one of my uncle’s house and a video taping of other cousins playing around in our house.  After that, we seemed to have lost touch.  Now that I’m older and a bit more humble, I started seeing things different.  It all started when my father decided to have a small get together.  I was very intrigued because, you know, they’re my family.  I looked forward to the event and was shocked to see one of our relatives look very very very similar to my sister.  Hmm… I thought to myself, this is probably the “blood” they’re referring to in “blood is thicker than water.”  It was one of the greatest days in my life: a resurrection of something I never knew existed and a realization that these cousins, too, are a part of who I am.

What’s ironic, though, is that even though I grew up with cousins from my mother’s side, the similarities between my cousins (dad’s side) and I are more.  Have I drifted away from how I was raised or have I come home to who I really am.

Another situation that made me realize that I didn’t need to know my cousins to feel their pain was when one of them lost her spouse.  It was tragic and sudden.  To see my cousin (who had to be pointed out to me, I dare say) devastated and crying tore me to pieces.  I would have given anything to change this unfortunate fate.  I held her and cried.  Years later I saw her with her sisters.  By the end of the visit, I had to ask which one was the cousin who lost her husband.  It’s so sad that in all these years I didn’t contact her.  But, blood is thicker than water and I pray for her piece of mind.

Regardless of who our family is, family matters.  Whether it’s genetics or growing up with your family that ties the bonds, I am proud to say that I am honored to have such great cousins.  Cousins that I share stories of a “big green eye walking,” “picking jasmines and meeting the dreaded cat,” “ducky go down the hooooole” and all the jokes from Friends.  And cousins that look like me and surprisingly act like me although we’ve been raised differently.

Addams Family Theme Song

They’re creepy and they’re kooky

Mysterious and spooky

they’re all together ooky

the Addams Family.

 

اشتياق


اشتاقت عيناي الى النظر الى الكلمات المنقوشة على ورق الشجر، الى التمعن في كل كلمة صاغها الزمان في أوراق العمر، كلمات مخلَّدة بين دفتين لا يعشقها الا العالم ولا يشتاق لها الا الفاقد 

دفتان تحمل في طياتها روايات الماضي من عاشق ومعشوق،،، من قاتل ومقتول،،، ومن بطل يهيم في البوادي بحثا عن عينان يتوه في سوادهما 

دفتان تحمل في طياتها احلام المستقبل على هيئة القصص القصيرة من بطولة ال(أنا) والنرجسية الحمقاء التي تحوّل الكون الواسع الى ضيق الانسان.

دفتان تحمل في طياتها عبق الماضي، وامل الغد، والحياة اليومية والتي لا تكاد تخلو من الآهات نعيش من خلالها لننسى ونهيم في آهات اخرى.

اشتقت لملامسة الأوراق بأصابعي المرتجفة وانا استشعر ما الذي تحمله الصفحة الأخيرة من ابداع الكاتب، اشتقت لرائحة الحبر وأرقام الصفحات التي لا تنفك تمر مرورا جميلا في مخيلتي، اشتقت الى النظر الى عقل ليس بعقلي واستشعار أحاسيس ليست باحاسيسي 

فأين انت يا من تنتزعني من واقعي لأعيش في دنيا الاحلام؟

تعال وأبعدني من دنيا الكلام الفارغ المسموع لأعيش الخلود معك
يتحدث المرء فينسى الكلام

اما الكتابة فتدوم الى الايد 
Woman reading book among shelves on balcony in American History Room in New York Public Library, 1944. Photograph by Albert Eisenstaedt. LIFE. From http://books0977.tumblr.com/post/118379841752/woman-reading-book-among-shelves-on-balcony-in

The Donkey, the Cake, and the Flat Bread

Shrek Donkey
PIC BY MICK GALLAGHER / CATERS NEWS – (Pictured A Wild Burro in Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area) Whats so funny? This mule clearly found something hilari-ASS when he got up close to one photographer. The wild burro – which bears a striking similarity to Donkey from the Shrek movies – was captured on camera by wildlife photographer Mick Gallagher – who spent months trying to get close to the group. And when one animal finally decided to pose for the camera, it seems he found something to smile about – with hilarious results. Mick, 42, who has been working as a professional photographer after he was made redundant from his marketing job during the economic downturn, has tried to build a bond with the animals, which roam in the Red Rock Conservation Area, Nevada. SEE CATERS COPY.

Traveling helps widen your horizon.  You get to see different cultures, different ways of life, and a variety of people who you would never meet back home.  You learn new things, come back with great stories, and feel like you have done something different.

A few years back, I had the privilege of traveling to a less “advanced” country.  I thought that this would be beneficial where I would get the chance to reconnect to myself away from the noise that is technology.  It was a great opportunity to see the basic roads and the simple way people were living.  It was refreshing to be feel like I was walking back in time and I am more than glad to share with you my experience.

This is the story of the donkey, the cake, and the flat bread.

 

The flat bread.  One day in my trip, I decided that I wanted some more flatbread because the amount served in breakfast wasn’t enough for everyone.  I learned previously that when you are on vacation and want something, go and get it because this is an opportunity that may or may not present itself to you again in your future.  I gathered my courage and practiced the few words in the foreign language to help me get my message across and walked to the flat bread “oven”.  There was a long line of customers waiting and I could smell the sweet aroma tickle my nose.  I knew that this was the best decision I made that day and even though this was going to take a while (given the rate the cue was moving), I would finally get my sweet flatbread.  Customers got their orders and I was getting close to the window and when I finally reached, I saw it.  The oven was blazing hot, the baker was sweating, and there was a bathtub in the back filled with dough.  Yes, it was a bathtub.  It wasn’t covered with anything to keep insects away and apparently this didn’t bother anyone.  You see, I was a very sheltered person and this bothered me immensely but I was too polite to cancel my order.  I reluctantly took my bread and the image of the white run down bah tub still stuck in my memory.  It was horrific at that time but now, I just laugh.  This was a practical solution for the baker and so he used it.

The cake.  Back home, I was used to having some coffee and cake as a snack so it was surprising when the group of tourists were going to a garden/coffee shop.  The weather was fine and there was no way my night would be ruined.  We arrived at the cafe and sat down for a break, I was looking forward to my cake so I got up and reached the barista.  There was a pile of what looked like mega cupcakes without any toppings except one almond flake so I assumed it was an almond cupcake.  It wasn’t exactly what I was looking for but who can go wrong with sugar and flour?  I pointed at the cake while maintaining eye contact and put up one finger to show that I wanted 1 piece.  He nodded his head, moved the cling film from the cupcakes, took one cupcake out, and placed it in my hand.  No plate, no fork, no knife, no nothing.  I was dumbfounded as I received the piece of dessert but, again, I am pretty shy and sheltered so I chose to take it without so much as a complaint.  I mean, who am I to question the culture, right?

Moving right along.

The donkey.  Keeping an open mind gets you places you never dreamed of.  I’m sure that’s what my sister was thinking that day when we decided, on the same trip, to take the only means of transportation to the magnificent waterfall.  You see, to get to the waterfall, you are either expected to walk upstream with cold water trickling on your feet or use donkeys with their respective “drivers”- children who can’t be older than 14 who are in charge of navigating.  We were escorted on the backs of the mules with no saddles required and requested, in a foreign language, to stay put.  My sister was younger so she was sharing one donkey with a friend.  We trusted our lives to the young drivers who, at one point, started chatting about who-knows-what.  I kept my eye on my sister and her friend fretting that the donkey can’t handle their weight but, the poor animal, was strong.

He was strong but not very smart.

In seconds, we passengers all had out eyes fixated on my sister’s donkey.  It started wobbling in the thin path and the driver left it and was chatting with his friend.

“Do you think it knows where it’s going?” someone said

“Yes, I’m sure it takes this path a few times a day.  I heard it memorizes paths,” I replied, not knowing where I got that piece of information

“Seems like the donkey’s a bit bonkers.” She replied in a worried voice.

And suddenly, the donkey slipped.  Down came the girl sharing the donkey, and on top of her my poor sister, and right on top, the donkey toppled over.  She swore to me that she was face to face with the mule.  She was looking into its eyes and felt its weight on top of her.  My poor sister couldn’t have been more than 13 years old at that time.

And to this day, she remembers the donkey’s face so clearly.  It’s so sad it’s hilarious.  Things you can only experience when you have an open mind. Humor is out there, go get it.

 

The Photocopied Prescription

Doctor-Perscription-card-300x200.jpg

There are some people in your life who you have to trust: your parents, your spouse, your best friend, and your doctor.  Your relationship with your family doctor is important for your well being and sanity so when you find a good family doctor who you trust, stick with him.

People go to doctors to ease their pain and reassure them in many cases of paranoia, especially when it comes to mothers and their children.  It is also important when the doctor is supposed to be experienced in their field and can work wonders; the person’s belief in the doctor helps with the cure.

A while ago, I was referred to a fertility specialist who was supposed to find out what was the reason behind our delayed pregnancy.  I started answering her probing questions and believed in her ability to pinpoint if there are any medical issues.  I would go to my appointments, wait in the overflowing waiting area for a long time (which did give me some time to read and extra belief in her ability to cure), and go in for a few tests.  After finding out there was no medical issues with me or my husband, I didn’t know what to do.  This was when “trust” came into play.

Because of Web MD and google, people identify their symptoms and research ailments before going to a doctor.  I think it’s good to have knowledge but it’s also important to keep in mind that we are not capable of diagnosing things for certain.

One day, I walk into my appointment wondering what her game plan is and hoping that I would be convinced.  She was sitting behind her table, looked at my file, and reassured me one more time that there was nothing physically wrong with us as a couple.  So she states that she will start me on some Clomid pills (clomiphene) is a non-steroidal fertility medicine. It causes the pituitary gland to release hormones needed to stimulate ovulation (the release of an egg from the ovary). (wikipedia).

It seemed like a game plan, at least.

She then reached for a photocopied prescription page and handed it over to me.

She didn’t even bother to write my name on it!  I was shocked!!  Apparently, she was using a “one-size-fits-all” approach for all her patients that she came to a point where she decided a photocopied prescription would save her time.

Did I go for it?  No.  Did I ever go back?  Definitely not.  Did other people benefit from her photocopied prescription?  Probably, but I didn’t want to take a risk.

The life lesson I learned: when your doctor hands you a photocopied prescription, run.  Run far away and don’t look back.  Trust your parents, trust your spouse, trust your best friend, and trust your doctor.

Just make sure you don’t forget to trust yourself first.

 

Email Writing- The CAPS Story

Business-Email-1080x675

Writing this post seems like deja vu to me but I can’t seem to find any previous post that addressed this topic.  A similar post is Hold your Horses- Reality Funnier than a Joke since it discusses a pretty annoying email I received a while back but this contains other issues.

So this is what happened today: I received an email from, let’s say a work colleague who I’m not so keen about, requesting some missing documents to finalize some issue being cleared with a governmental agency.  Fair enough.  The problem is I received the email directly after I was given the bunch of papers requesting the same documents penciled in on the top page.  Now firstly, if you are requesting something, give the person time to get it done; I would not be able to handle your request from the ground floor till the second floor, it’s impossible!  You see, the issue wasn’t that I was asked more than once, the issue was with the timing of both requests.

The cringe factor while reading the email came up when I SAW THE EMAIL WRITTEN IN CAPS.  WHY?  Why would you request something from someone, anyone, in caps?  I felt like the person who sent the email was sitting behind her desk throwing a tantrum.  The email was basically as follows:

Subject: NEED MISSING PAPERS

Dear Ms. Bedoor,

Please check the list of missing papers we need.  Thank you.

1- ORIGINAL PASSPORT OF THE THE EMPLOYEE
2- AUTHORIZATION LETTER ADDRESSED IN THE NAME OF MR. X 
3- XXX
4- YYY

When I first read the subject line, I thought that the MISSING PAPERS were urgent and couldn’t wait.  It only occurred to me later on that it was the last day before the weekend which means that nothing can be done until after, so why bother jumping through hoops for something that can easily be obtained and also postponed.

I did just that.

For people who work with emails, please note the following tips that could help your emails be more professional:

1- Enter a thought of subject in the subject line.  You want to introduce the recipient with the topic of your email

2-Use the correct name of the person you are addressing.  Make sure the spelling is correct and you know the gender (Mr. or Ms.).  I received an email from Turkey, I think, and the lady was clear enough to sign her name with a Ms. in the end to inform me that she is a lady since their names were unfamiliar to us.  I thought it was a smart move, it makes dealings more realistic.

3- Use a simple greeting and ask about the person on at least wish them well.  Yes, this is merely diplomatic but we need to give our emails a bit of a human touch.

4- Be clear and precise about what you are communicating.  Make sure your words are not misunderstood by using simple and straight forward sentences.  Keep your sentences short especially if you are dealing with people who don’t have English as a first language.  If possible, use the recipient’s first language to communicate.

5- Do not give extra information.  The more information you give, the longer the email gets and your point gets lost.  They don’t need to know about the new taxation rules your country is enforcing because it doesn’t matter.  When proofreading, think of every single sentence and how it adds/takes away from the value of your email.

6- Have a call for action.  You are sending the email because you want something to be done, what is it.  Ask clearly.  Use sentences such as, “based on the above, please…” and “Therefore, we would appreciate if you…”

7- Stay formal.  The email you are sending is for business communication, make sure it stays as such.  Do not use emoticons (I really feel like I wrote about this!), do not use slang words, and do not use acronyms such as “btw” and “lol”.

8- Proofread.  proofread your email to make sure it contains all the points you wanted to address and you do not have any excess fat.

9- Fill in the correct email address.  I prefer to add the email address after making sure it’s ready to be sent.

10- Close with a thank you and best regards.  Make sure your signature contains the correct information.

10- Do not use caps and expect your email to be regarded positively.

 

Vision Boards

vision board

Vision boards were first introduced in one of the best selling self-help books in 2006 The Secret.  The law of attraction and the importance of living with our goals staring us in the face was implied in both the movie and the book, and actual results from using vision boards were also displayed to us.  That was when people started using and believing in The Secret and the law of attraction.

In a nut shell, you attract what you perceive whether it is good or bad.  I am not here to discuss my belief or disbelief in the law of attraction because this topic has been overly questioned and I do not have the experience to do so; I am merely here to demonstrate how I have been creating my vision boards.

What I believe is that your vision board should make sense to you.  What do you want to be displayed in front of you and how do you understand it?  If you are a visual person who prefers only pictures, then by all means use only pictures.  If you are more comfortable with words that indicate something to you, go ahead.  Most people like to use a combination of both so as to target both sides of their brains but my vision boards only contained images and pictures of things that I wanted.

Some people prefer to concentrate on one aspect in their life in their vision board such as their career. Their vision boards usually have more details in regards to that topic such as an image of a big office table, the picture of a secretary, signing agreement papers with a high end expensive signature pen, a picture of a bank statement showing a big sum of money, and so forth.

Other vision boards may represent a road map to something; it contains one goal and how to get to it.  An example could be losing weight (the goal) and pictures of healthy food, gym membership, the weighing scale with the target weight, an exercise schedule, and a picture of a person with the “ideal” body.

Vision boards can contain anything.  Engineers could have a 3D printout of their future home, artists could have a painting of their”target” family,and poets could have a poem describing them in a 6 foot yacht. Vision boards can be made of anything and use any sense as long as they shine light on the goals.

My vision boards are more general and contain the different aspects in my life that I deem valuable.  Because I am a person who wants to keep things balanced, I thought of my values.  While searching for images to print out, I realized that the Wheel of Life is a great tool which at least gives me the headlines for my vision board.  It wasn’t applied fully but parts of it gave me a significant starting point.

I started in the core of my beliefs: God.  I believe that when God is in the middle, everything falls into place.  So I printed a picture with God/faith.  I then thought of family, career, health and weight, finances, and personal growth.  So in the middle, I had God and the rest of the topics were clustered around the corners.  I printed pictures of how I saw the “utopia” of each goal and how happy I looked achieving the goal.  So for example, a picture of 4 adults in a meeting was representative of the communication and synergy at work.  I think this helped not only in keeping my goals in view, it helped maintain the life balance I sought after.

Throughout the year, I kept the vision board in front of me to remind myself of what it is I was working towards.  Not only is the Vision Board a tool for the universe to conspire and give you what’s on it, it’s also a tool that let’s you maintain focus and not lose your priorities.

Motivational quotes, words that explain the goals, and pictures of you photo-shopped next to lake Lucerne with your husband raise your hopes and act as engine boosters for your future.  You know what the saying says, out of sight, out of mind so keep your goals in sight to keep them in mind.

There are many days where you lose focus, and many days that make no sense to you.  Having a bit of belief that you are in control makes it a bit better.  Knowing that there are things that do not change in your mind and knowing that you, once upon a time, knew what you wanted makes you trust yourself in days when you trust no-one.  Be there to guide yourself forward and, to me, put your faith in the middle for comfort and strength.

Choosing a Linkedin Photo

linkedin

Linkedin is a a business oriented social networking service.  People use it to display their CVs and have recruiters (or headhunters) approach them for employment opportunities or even to network with people in similar fields.  Companies also can create their page and share news, articles, and any other important issues.  Some people use it to share their experiences and post articles they wrote in hope someone might listen to them.  Like any other social networking service, Linkedin gives the opportunity to post a photo of yourself.

Being a member of the Linkedin community for a few years, I have come across many photos of people I know (and people I don’t know) that make me wonder what they were thinking when they chose to upload their photo.  Well, I then decided to scroll down the list of People You May Know and be struck with disbelief.  Since this is a professional social networking site, I thought that people would care about their image; I mean, their profiles are open for recruiters and maybe their future bosses.

I came up with the following tips:

1- Selfies using any Snapchat filters are not acceptable.  Do not, under any circumstances, believe that anyone would recruit you if you have dog ears or a flower halo above your head. Even if you think you look cute, this is not the right picture.  I could even say that selfies are not acceptable because the angle is all wrong and shows that you did not take the time nor effort to have a professional picture taken.

2- A cartoon drawing of yourself is not OK unless you are the artist and are trying to show your talent.

3- A picture of yourself sitting behind a huge desk just makes you seem desperate.  Don’t top it off acting like you’re busy writing something either.  It’s so obvious.

4- A picture of you caught in mid-laugh.  This is not Facebook and it may be one of your favorite but keep it for your social group only.

5- Do not post a picture of yourself behind a billiard table.  Do not post a picture of yourself with any weird background such as the kitchen (unless you’re a chef), or in a party, or on vacation with the beach behind you.  You want to seem like you are at work, wearing work clothes, and getting work done.  If your work is associated with healthy living and yoga, for example, a picture with some tress in the background may be alright.  But if you have nothing to do with nature, stay away from it.

6-  Look approachable.  Post a picture that makes you look approachable.  A nice smile goes a long way.  You don’t want your picture to resemble a mug shot nor an adult dating service profile pic.

7- Do not post a picture with you wearing a cowboy hat (or any kind of hat).  Do not post a picture with sunglasses, people want to see your face.

8- I’m not 100% sure of this point as it may go either way.  I have seem a few pictures with the person holding a camera and another listening in his headset.  I think it’s a smart thing to be done, that is, showing people what you do; but some recruiters might not appreciate the obviousness.  This should be taken carefully, I wouldn’t feel so keen about a  bank teller holding money in his hands.

9- Make sure the picture is clear and your face shows: stay away from shadows.  Don’t use a picture with you covering your face with your arm, nor a picture with you looking away.

10- Do not use your children’s pictures.  Again, this is a professional networking site, people will want to see what you are doing not how old your child is.  You are NOT trying to get your children employed so keep them out.

11- If you choose to post a picture with something that identifies your current job, go ahead but know that you are not your job.  You have a set of knowledge, skills, and abilities that are deeper than any job can provide.  Plus, when or if you leave your job, you don’t want to forget to change your picture or you’ll end up looking desperate.  Don’t wear your uniform in your picture either (for those who have uniforms in their jobs).

12- Do not post yourself bowling, ice skating, playing soccer, playing with your pet tiger, eating out with your friends, or doing what you do in your spare time.  You are supposed to portray how you are at work, not out of work.  People want to employ you, not date you.

13-  Keep your image right side up.  Yes, some people have their pictures sideways.  Would you ever submit your CV with your picture printed sideways?

14- Don’t just crop your face from a group picture and settle for that.  This just shows that you’re lazy.  Also, don’t post yourself with someone else, it confuses people as to which one you are.

15- Make sure your image isn’t so much of a close up nor too far to be unidentifiable.  You want people to recognize you, half a face is not identifiable.

16- Do not post a picture of a logo unless you are a company.  Do not post a picture of your shoes, bag, sunglasses, or cup of coffee.  Again, this is not Snapchat.

These are just a few pointers I came up with after paying attention to the different Linkedin profile pictures, you can also go through your list of friends and can easily identify the best pictures that portray strength, confidence, and reliability.  Stay away from photoshopped images that look nothing like you and try to present yourself professionally.

Remember, you don’t want to resemble any funny high school yearbook pictures, you should know better now than what you knew at 18.

My profile pic?  I still didn’t find one that I’m happy with so wish me luck.

Can We Measure Common Sense?

hanging file

You meet many different types of people at work who lack the skill set to perform, but in my opinion, many things can be taught and learned with the correct performance appraisals, coaching, mentoring, and showing them the way.  The problem is when it comes to common sense: how can it be measured and how can you actually hire and then fire someone with the reason “lacks common sense?”

Firstly, what is common sense?  In the minds of managers, common sense is the way the employee conducts him/herself by abiding by the rules of logic set by the manager.  This is where the mix up starts.  Managers expect their employees to have the commonsense that is equal to theirs.  The problem is, human beings’ common senses is a compilation of their cultural background, personalities, logic, and database of experiences.  How can managers expect their employees to have the same common sense if they have been born, raised, and worked in a different environment?

A simple example is when a manager, without being too stereotypical, was a star baseball player calls in his employees and asks them for a “home run.”  One of his employees who just came in from the middle east, for example, wouldn’t necessarily understand what is meant by his figure of speech and asks.  The manager would immediately think that the employee lacks the common sense because, come on, who doesn’t understand this simple reference to baseball.  No, things don’t necessarily translate well between languages or cultures.  The differences in words describing the same item are clear in multicultural and diversified workplaces in such an evident manner that employees may start joking around without realizing that language barriers in addition to cultural barriers are causing communication gaps.

Common sense is the tacit knowledge a person acquires throughout his years: they include cultural norms and background, personal and professional experiences, personality traits, and all other outside factors that affect the person’s judgment.

To work in a diversified company, employees must understand that their definition of common sense is not easily transferable to other employees; different cultures have a different definition of common sense.  Even though many things can get lost in translation, it’s the misunderstanding that can cause harm in the organization’s harmony.  Many companies either give out a handbook or conduct an induction training for employees to inform them what is considered right and what is wrong in the company and how to conduct oneself.  The trick here is to be able to adapt quickly to the organization’s culture and common sense; should this be considered organizational behavior?

Some companies have the norm of working extra hours without being paid overtime.  Now, a female employee who has other responsibilities at home, would be glad to work for eight hours but as soon as the clock strikes five and she starts going out of the door, her colleagues look at her funny.  It’s the organization’s culture.  She’s not doing anything wrong but they are pressuring her to stay for longer hours just to be part of the accepted group.  Then all the bickering starts about how she leaves at five and doesn’t work hard enough.

Now to my story.

I cannot say that our company is vastly diversified but there are just some things that, I believe, should be considered common sense.  In my studies when discussing the difference in generations at work, it is commonly stated that generation Y employees are very keen on the environment and making a stand to what they believe.  I liked that concept since I took part in many beach clean ups and extinct species reports when I was younger.  And of course, throughout my childhood, I was expected to care for paper: to reduce, reuse, and recycle.

In comes the Gen-Y secretary.

I had some employee files I wanted to file away in the archives and thought that I could ask her to do so.  It’s not that I asked her to do something terribly difficult because she was the person who opened the archive files in the first place and arranged them as she saw correct.  Thus, she was using HER common sense when filing.  I give her seven to ten hanging files (as seen above in the image), some of which are perfectly new and some of which needed to be thrown out ages ago.  Thinking that she has the common sense to distinguish the difference, I did not think of giving her any extra details in my request.

A few days later, I call her up and ask about the employee files:

Me: where are the employee files?

Secretary: I filed them in the box files

Me: no the actual hanging files

Secretary: huh?

Me: the green files

Secretary: I threw them

Me: What?

Secretary: I threw them

Me: can you come up please?

In this instance, I think there is some kind of misunderstanding.  My brain could not get around the idea that she threw away the hanging files.  She comes up and I show her one of the files as a sample.  She repeats that she threw them out.  The million dollar question here is why?  Why did you throw them?

Secretary: (Silence)

Me: They were perfectly new files

Secretary: (silence).

Me: (still in shock and disbelief) did anyone teach you anything about trees and how this is all a waste?!

Secretary: silence

Phone rings, I pick it up and it’s another manager

Me: Please come and explain to Ms. X about the importance of recycling.  (throw my hands up in submission and ask her to go out).

MORAL OF THE STORY: when giving out directions, be very specific because people can’t read your mind.

Should businesses around the world have a universal language or common sense?  Are there already established rules and regulations when it comes to working with businesses from other countries especially with the emergence of e-commerce?

Is there really a big gap in common sense between people from different countries with social networking?  If music is global, books are global, movies are global is the youth in the USA living differently than the youth in Japan?  Being people of the world instead of being associated to one country diminishes some differences in culture (and thus common sense) so youth can easily understand what their counterparts mean when they bring up that amazing hit song of their time.

Are people all required to live a certain way to be accepted and whose culture is the accepted alpha-culture?  What about religion and other taboos that take a big part in some people’s lives, are they supposed to be left at home?  People are made up of their past experiences and thus cannot be requested to leave who they are.  But in terms of working in multicultural environments, the personal common sense must be set aside (or in the back of the minds) and the overall business common sense be ruling.

But does this lack of diversity in a multicultural environment hinder creativity and encourage group thinking?  Aren’t the best companies those who question all processes and procedures and nurture people’s differences?

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