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Bedoor Bluemoon

Everyday writing to expose the soul

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Advice to your Younger Self

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A few days ago I was feeling nostalgic and the question, ‘what advice would you give yourself’ popped into my mind so I posted it on my Instagram.  I got one reply only.  I was expecting people to interact with my question given its severity and depth but, apparently, people are just like me: we choose not to think of this.

Why is that? Because it would mean that we have regrets in our lives and the more you dig into the ‘what ifs’ the more you will end up feeling like you should have known better.

Yes, you should have known better but this is you today comparing yourself to you back then.  You didn’t reach where you are today nor who you are without being that pimple faced lost teenager who doesn’t know better. The journey of being who you are started with that weirdo you once were and its alright.

Let’s go back to the question: what advice would you give your younger self? Would it be related to your health, wealth, social status, or what?  The advice, in my opinion, would probably be something that is aching you today, making you lose sleep and which still feels painfully real. So your advice is basically the issue in your life. You know when people say ‘he’s got issues?’ This is the ‘issue’ they’re referring to.

For me, till this day, I choose not to answer this question. I am too scared to look inside my soul and search for the thing that makes me ache but which, interestingly, is what makes me ‘me’. It is the thing that I know in my subconscious but act like I don’t which pushes it back even further to my inner soul and personality. I choose to coward away from looking inside, from choosing to unravel the complexity of myself. I choose to live today accepting the fact that I made mistakes and that I learned from.

Would you go back and do things differently?

If I could see what path it would lead to and I have my current blessings wih me would it be a better choice? It’s similar to a choose your own adventure book which were once so very popular. You get to make decisions in place of the character and I kept on peeking into the consequences of my decisions just to realize that it’s very rare that the book gives you a good ending so, why exchange what I have today and where I stand today for the unknown?

People who are regretting where they are and what they went through, please count your blessings. Count your blessings and know that grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side and if it is, try watering your own grass and make a difference in your life.

What advice would I give my younger self? Stop fretting and start doing. Things aren’t as complicated as they seem. Take control of your emotions and embrace them, speak up, and live.

Live a little-Put Your Phone Away

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Mobile phones are becoming a continuation of our bodies.  They are forever glued to our hands and our eyes are always diverted towards the screen.  Is it the fact that these smart gadgets are opening new realms and worlds through the net or are we just choosing to live our lives away from everyone?  What amazing functionality have these mobile phones given us that they are taking over our thinking and daily relationships?

Let’s take the example of the calculator in the smart phone.  Now for people who have I-phones you can imagine how easy it it to access the calculator and find out the answer you’re looking for, whether it’s 40 x 2 or 76213 x 761.  It wouldn’t matter what the mathematical problem is, you are used to using the calculator on your phone that you have become dependent on it.  I’m not sure whether or not school students today are required to actually use their brains to multiply, divide, add, and subtract or are they allowed to use their smart phones to help assist with these problems that, honestly, can be done in a shorter time period.  Whether or not the development of their brains would be affected, I cannot say, I hope someone would actually conduct a study and we can find out 20 years from now how math actually helps/does not help us at all.

We used to have our friends’ phone numbers memorized, how many numbers do you know by heart?  It’s so much easier to get your gadget (go-go-gadget) and press the name without even acknowledging that there’s a number stored or even realizing that if you’re put in a situation with a public phone you would have no idea what number to call (given that your phone’s battery is dead).

I am not against smart phones, I understand that they are helpful devices that can make our lives easier.  An example of a great application is the maps that helps you get your location and find out how to get somewhere.  Here conspiracy theorists will be glad to inform me of the dangers of smart phones and location services, having Big Brother watch, listen, and know where we are all the time.  I doubt Big Brother cares where I buy my groceries, honestly, or when I talk about my day at work.  Big Brother can probably listen to more important and interesting conversations that mine.  🙂

Relationships nowadays are being affected by the constant use of smart phones.  When you’re with your mom, dad, husband/wife, sister, brother, and child, please have the decency to put the phone away.  You do not need to see the latest trends nor do you need to hear the latest joke sent on your Whatsapp.  You do not need to read the latest news about your favorite star nor do you need to look through the Instagram pictures of food, how to lose weight, latest fashion trends, or the bombardment of advertisements that just waste time.  And no, you do not need to hear every single snap from our fellow bloggers; their lives only seems interesting because this is the part of their lives that they choose to show you.

So instead of watching other people’s lives, try living yours.  Stop comparing your days to that of others, you don’t need to eat out everyday nor do you need to take pictures of your dinner if it’s just fish and chips.  You do not need to hang on every single word coming from strangers because it’s not important.  Think: what is important?  Will I DIE if I miss out on today’s Snapchat?  Is it your choice to watch someone’s day instead of living yours?  What kind of relationship will we have with our friends and family if we are too busy to listen?  How often have you put the phone down, kept it on silent, or stashed it away for a couple of hours just to spend time with others?

What matters most?

Who matters most?

Use your senses.  Use your eyes to capture memories, you have enough pictures already.  Live in the moment and cherish it in your heart.  Be there for your child when he/she speaks to you; give them your undivided attention because they’re worth it.  What use would pictures be when you’ve spent the last few years of your life using the smart phone instead of talking to your sick parent?  What use would it be if you weren’t really there to hold their hands and look into their eyes?  What use would it be if you aren’t saving and hanging onto every word they say?  What use would it be if your husband/wife feels neglected because you choose to play your candy crush game before going to bed every night instead of talking about your fears and dreams while you hold each other?

Use your senses.  Use your brains, accept your feelings, live your life and enjoy it.

What matters most?  Who matters most?

قلبا لا ينسى

girl at beach

وبعد سنواتٍ قضيناها معا

افترقنا

وافترقـَت طرقنا

ومضينا لنعيش حياة أخرى

بعيدة عن أحلامنا السابقة

حياة لا لذة فيها

 افترقنا

بعد أيام عشناها في الهوى

ومضينا لنعيش ولا نعيش

نرى الدنيا بلا ألوان

ولا نسمع زقزقة العصافير

افترفنا

وها نحن اليوم نلتقي صدفة

احسست بنبض خفيف في قلبي

فتسائلت

أعادت لي الروح؟

هل من حياة بعد الفراق؟

وهل من بعد الظلام نور؟

فبعد أن افترقنا

ماتت جميع مشاعري

وبت صدفة بلا لؤلؤة

اسبح في معركة الحياة

وارتمي على شواطئ الأحزان

وأموت

فالفراق أهلكني

والحياة أماتتني

والآمال خذلتني

والقلب اشترى تذكرة ليسافر

ولا يعود

فلِمَ عُدتَ يا قلبي؟

لماذا تريدُ أن تقلّب المواجع

وتذكرني بالماضي البهيج؟

لا تذكرني

فقد رضيت بحياتي المملة

وواجهت الليالي الخالية

واعتدت الحياة دونك

أمثّل السعادة دوما

وأبكي ليلا ويوما

وبداخلي فراغُ ما بعد الألم

وفي عينيَّ ضبابُ ما بعد البكاء

وفي جوفي حريق لا ينطفئ

ابتعد

واذهب بعيدا

فقد افترقنا

وعشنا حياة ليست بحياة

دون طعم، دون لون، دون حب

لا تغير رأيك الآن

فقد فات الأوان

والحياة أيامها تمضي

والقرارات لا تعود

أذهب بعيدا وانسى

سنوات ضياعٍ ما أقساها

قلبا لا ينسى ولا يموت

وقلبا ينسى ولا ينسى

Little Wonder Boy

mom and son

You know the less fortunate people you see working as cleaners or housemaids or who are sometimes still looking for a job?  Those people who you act like you don’t see and feel a bit awkward when you have eye contact with them? People who are always in front of you but you choose not to see them and you walk past them like they don’t exist? Well, I hate to break it to you but if you close your eyes they will still be there.  They will continue to be part of the reality you choose to ignore.  They are not part of a TV show so you can change the channel, neither are they aliens you can send back to their planet.  They are real.

By now, some readers may have closed the window and others will be skimming through really quickly and remembering something important they suddenly have to do.  Some will just feel bad and look for a charity that basically has nothing to do with poor people and contribute by buying tickets to their expensive dinner where they will “feed the homeless” by serving canapes and a few drinks.

Well, from someone who can speak for the less unfortunate, I would like to say please keep your charity money and your feelings of being superior to yourself.  These people who you consider substandard are a part of a reality you don’t understand.  You are forgetting that they come with hopes, dreams, and families.  Their dreams are similar to yours; I’m pretty sure their dreams are very far from where they stand now.

I am one of those less fortunate people.

My name is George and I grew up in one of the little poor suburbs in India.  My parents got married and when my father found out that my mom was pregnant, he was ecstatic.  Fathers around the world have a funny way of being relentless and anxious when waiting for a baby to be born.  So my mom, who was so tired with the pregnancy for nine months, was relieved when she felt her water break.

I wasn’t born easily. Like some children in the world, I took two days to finally be born.  I was immediately loved and cherished by my mother who quickly said a prayer to ensure that no harm will ever come in my way.  She held me close to her and kissed my forehead, and felt like she was complete.

By the time I was six years old, I had three sisters.  Being the eldest and a boy was the best thing that ever happened to me back home.  I was constantly fretted over, spoiled, and looked up to.  My mother would give me a glass of milk every morning before my sisters and she would pat my back saying I’m a “good boy who can do wonders.”

And that’s what I believed.

I went to school that year and would sit with my friend, Alex, and dream of our future.  I wanted to be a pilot and see the world.  I wanted to wear the uniform and fly the plane.  Alex wanted to be a surgeon.  At that age, we only knew what we were taught so our dreams were very vague.

No-one questions dreams.  They are a private part of your soul.  They consist of what you perceive yourself to currently be and what you want to be.  Sometimes dreams don’t make sense but, who are you to question them? Why were two little boys from the little suburb in India dreaming of becoming pilots and surgeons?

No-one questions.

We grew and our dreams grew.  Our family had some problems when little Gina got infected with a virus.  My father had to sell one goat to be able to afford her medication.  My mother was heartbroken so I would try to comfort her.  She would pat my back and say that I’m a “good boy who can do wonders.”

Gina didn’t survive the infection and I was mad.  If only we had enough money we could have gotten her to the city earlier.  She could have been saved by a great surgeon.  I went to Alex and made him promise that he will be a great surgeon someday and help poor people.  I cried and he promised that he will try his best.

So the next year in school, Alex and I worked harder and got better grades.  We wanted to get scholarships and continue to get our diplomas then maybe we can achieve what we dreamed of.  Alex’s father passed away and he had to leave school to work in the farm.  He was also the eldest child and all responsibilities lay on him.  I didn’t care for my grades anymore, he was the surgeon and I was the pilot who will take him around the world to help patients.  The night Alex’s father died, Alex’s dreams also died.

I graduated from high school.  The “good boy who can do wonders” was finally ready to face the world.  My grades weren’t high enough to continue studying just yet but I was ready to work.  I booked a ticket to go to Mumbai where my uncle will help me look for a job and I was so proud!  My sisters looked at me like their savior; Lana asked me to get her some Gulab Jamun as soon as I get paid and Tatinka asked for some money to get her new shoes.  You see, she always got Lana’s hand-me-down shoes and they were worn out by the time she got them.

I promised them both then went to my mom for her blessings.  She hugged me and gave me a pat on the back, saying how proud she was of her “good boy who can do wonders” and prayed for my safety.  She gave me my packed lunch and waved good bye as my father and I started walking to the bus station.

On the way, my father told me that I should listen to my uncle, that I should trust him fully and he will show me the best way to get to my dreams.  His eyes were teary as he told me how hard life is and how we sometimes need to sacrifice things to live.  He told me how hard it was all these years to afford all the expenses of keeping a family and how hard he worked.  We reached the bus stop and the bus was driving up to us.  I thanked him for his advise, asked for his blessings, and went on my way.

On the bus, I dreamed.  I dreamed of being the best pilot.  Of wearing the uniform, of flying from country to country and meeting different people.  It was the closest I have ever been to my dreams and I could almost taste the happiness of achieving it.

I reached Mumbai and saw my uncle.  It wasn’t what I expected.  Everything was so fast paced and everyone seemed to be in a hurry.  We stayed in a flat with seven other men and would barely have enough space to cook and eat.  I lived in that flat for six months, missing my mother and father, missing Tatinka and  Lana.  But mostly, I missed Alex.  I knew that Alex would find a way to get to our dreams.

But where was Alex?

So by the seventh month, my uncle took me to a recruitment agency.  He told me that there was hope for my employment.  It was a small office with a man sitting behind his table, smoking.  He looked down at me and tapped his fingers on the table while my uncle answered all his questions humbly.

“Is this him?” he asked.

“Yes,” My uncle replied,

“200 rupees”

“Oh, Thank you very much, sir, thank you”

The next thing I knew, I was signing employment papers.  I didn’t quite understand why my uncle had to pay him for my employment.  I can be employed based on my skills and knowledge.  I am, after all, the “good boy who can do wonders.”  I knew I will be employed in a foreign country and my heart skipped a beat: I will finally be in a plane!  I will finally see how a plane flies, and I will meet the pilot.  I was truly getting closer to my dream.

A week later, my uncle took me to my family for a quick visit because I won’t be able to see them for the upcoming two years.  I cried, my mother said she can’t wait to see me again and wanted to get me married as soon as I got back.  Tatinka and Lana made me promise to call them everyday and were envious.  My father looked content.  He told me that I finally understood my duties and he is proud of the man I’ve become.

And before I left, my mom gave me a pat on the back and called me her “good boy who can do wonders.”

I left home with my dreams packed away with my lunch.  I looked forward to this trip all my life.  I thought of Alex who was covered in soil as he wished me farewell.  He said he will try to come along but his mother found him a good wife and he will be wed next month.  I knew he gave up on his dreams when I looked into his sad eyes.

When I reached my destination, I was shocked.  I didn’t meet the pilot.  I was shoved around like a piece of nothingness when I stood in the middle of the airport in awe.  I was screamed at, scolded, and looked down at when I sat down to eat my lunch.  I didn’t know why people were so mean.

And when I got to the country I was employed in, my dreams shattered.

I was apparently employed as a construction worker.  That night I couldn’t sleep in the shared accommodation.  I missed my old life.  I missed when Alex and I dreamed.  Then it hit me.  Everything my father said was true.  He never said I was going to be a pilot.  He never said life was easy.  He never lied.  I just never listened.

It’s ironic how the “good boy who can do wonders” ends up being a construction worker in a faraway country.  It’s ironic how climbing on top of buildings is the closest I will ever get to flying.  I was tired, homesick, and heartbroken.

I cried…

Then I heard a little voice next to me “pssst… are you okay?  What’s your name?”

“George,” I answered

“I’m Jon.  What’s wrong?”

“I never thought I’d work in construction.  I had big dreams for myself.  Didn’t you?”

Jon snickered,” I wanted to be an engineer.  You?”

“Pilot”

Fear, Terror, and Disbelief

Residents-in-Cebu-City

It was like any other day for Kevin as he sat at his desk entering the sales numbers with his mind wandering off to the weekend. He would sleep in for a couple of hours before taking the girls out to their friend’s birthday party.  He wanted to spend time with them since he gets home very late during the week and they’re already in bed, sleeping peacefully.  He knew that someday he would regret not being there.  He grew up in a home where his father was also never available, just trying to make a good life for the family.  Now he was doing the same and feels guilty because he knows the consequences.  He knows that they will forever wonder whether or not he loved them and will always come to the conclusion that their father loved his work more.  It was so sad to think of but he couldn’t do anything about it.  The company pays him well and without a college degree, he was thankful to have found a job like this.

What Kevin tries to do to compensate is spend as much time as he can with the girls during the weekends.  It was their time and he was always looking forward to hear about how their week was and what drastic and amazing things happened at school.  He needed to ask about the little boy who had chicken pox marks and whether or not the kids stopped calling him Leopard.  It wasn’t such a bad nickname, he thought to himself, it would actually be intriguing once he reaches high school.

Kevin was lost in thought when it happened.  It was surreal and totally unexpected.  He felt the table shake from under him for a split second.  That’s strange, he thought to himself.  He looked at his mug next to the keyboard and his mind went blank when he saw it shake.  It happened so quickly, he didn’t have the chance to digest the fact that an earthquake just hit the city.  He didn’t know what to think or feel when he saw the side of the building collapse.  It was just seconds ago when his colleague was sitting at his desk working and now the colleague, desk, and half the building was lost to nothingness.  He felt the sunlight shine through and take place of what was just florescent lights.

He froze.

Then everyone screamed.

It was mayhem.  Everyone was running around screaming like headless chickens, with their minds totally dysfunctional.  He stood in awe, frozen and blank.  Come on, Kevin, MOVE!  His friend said, pushing him towards the door.  He starting running.  Where should I go?  What just happened?  He wondered.  Stairs.  I must get to the stairs.  Yes, that’s where everyone seems to be going.

He followed the group to the stairs and started walking down.  They reached the third floor and the person in front halted suddenly.  There were no stairs.  Wreckage covered the steps and everyone was panicking.

“What shall we do?!”  Someone screamed.

We have to get out before the building collapses!  Half of it is already gone, I don’t think it can stay up with half of it gone.

Dan?  Have you seen Dan?  Dan! DAN!

Kevin was concentrating on finding a way around the rubble.  Help me up, try to push me up.  We don’t have to go around it, we can go over.

They started pushing each other over the wreckage.  Shoes were discarded, clothes were covered in dust, faces were distressed and alarmed, and Kevin had one thought on his mind: his family.

The people in the building barely made it out in time before they felt another earthquake.  The aftershock, he thought, I remember teaching Laura about it last year.

He started running towards the havoc that was once a very normal and fairly quiet street.  He looked up at the building, it was cracked open like an egg with one half on the ground.  He heard screams coming from under the rubble and he saw his coworker run towards the screams. Dan!  He heard her scream.  Dan! She was covered in grey dust but continued to look for Dan.

I must look for my family, Kevin thought.

He looked for his car keys and realized that he left them in the office.  He looked at the roads  and decided he couldn’t have used the car anyway.  Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.  The earthquake was over but the it was still the beginning for him.

He ran towards the school.  He didn’t want to think of the possibility that something happened to his wife.  He wanted to believe that she was fine and she was also thinking of their daughters.  She would be running to the school too.  He thought to himself.  Mindy’s fine, she’s a strong woman.  I’ll meet her there. 

The school was worse than his office building.  He heard the children cries from a distance and the teachers trying to calm them down with worried voices.  Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.  The paramedics were rushing in and trying to get everyone seated and teachers were counting and recounting the students.  Ms. Addison from the administration was running as fast as her little feet would take her with papers.  She went from one teacher to the next handing them out: they were the attendance sheet.  Great, Kevin thought, I can find my girls.

Ms. Addison, he said, jogging by her side.  Would you happen to know which class my girls are in?  Where can I find them? She apologized for not being to help and muttered something that sounded like a little prayer under her breath.  He looked at the children’s faces just in case he sees someone he recognizes.  Then he saw them.  Two little girls huddled under a tree with their faces buried in a hug.  He knew it was them and ran.  Laura!! Stephanie!  He screamed but they didn’t hear him.  He screamed again and they lifted their heads.  He saw tears running down both of their identical faces and felt so helpless yet relieved.

He hugged them both tightly to stop the trembling.  It’s OK, you’re alright.  We’re all alright.

It took them a few minutes to calm down.  They didn’t share what they saw nor did they talk about what they felt. Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.  They just held onto one another while being carried by their dad.  Then Laura said, “is mommy OK?” ” I don’t know, I’m sure she is” Kevin answered and held onto hope.

They went over to the paramedics.  Sir, let me check the little girls, please.  The medic checked reflexes and asked them a few questions.  “All clear, sir

Could we have someone drop us home?”

“Sorry, sir, we are working as fast as we can but we can’t move any of our units, there are five kids missing.”

Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.

Laura and Stephanie started crying.  It took Kevin a while to figure out that the missing children were in their class.  Leopard was one of them.  Ms. Addison came back and assigned Kevin a few children to take care of and he gladly obliged.  He never knew she would be strong in difficult situations, never knew that a person so small in size can sum up enough courage to keep people calm.  He looked into her eyes and expected to see a hero.  Fear, terror, and disbelief.

Kevin tried calling his wife but the network wasn’t working.  He thought it would probably take a few days to get it up and running.  He looked at the time, his wife should have been here by now.  He knew that she would be worried about the girls.

Then he started getting worried about her.  Really worried.

He looked over at the children and wondered where their parents were at.  Then it hit him, some of their parents might not come to get them.  Some of them might be stuck in the rubble.  He recalled the screams, Dan! Dan!  Then realized that Dan was sitting on the Eastern side of the building, the side that fell.  He realized that Dan also had a family that was worried about him.  Where is Dan now?  Where is Mindy now?

He started praying.  Praying for the parents, praying for the five missing children, praying for the loved ones, praying for his wife, praying for Dan, praying for the young and old.  He thought of the hospital and the people there.  He hoped nothing happened to the hospital.  It was a normal day, doctors had operations scheduled and could have been in the operation rooms.  What happened!?  He wondered in shock.

He looked up at the sky.  It was late afternoon and people were still scurrying.  Children weren’t crying as much: some were taken home by their parents and some just gave up and went to sleep.  He looked at his two angels who were playing with some grass.  He thought of his wife, where are you!?

It was getting late and he had to go home.  He had to check on his wife.  She could have been home and had something fall on her!  She might have been stuck all that time while he was waiting for her.

The last of the children under his supervision were picked up and he went over to the medics.  She drove them home. Throughout the way, Kevin prayed and prayed.  Trees were fallen on the ground and parts of buildings and homes were scattered across the roads.  Some people were still walking around and Kevin could hear parts of their conversations.  Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.

They reached home.  The lights were on and the two girls were running towards the door as it was suddenly opened. He looked at the figure in the doorway and realized it wasn’t his wife.  Where’s mommy?! They asked, scared.

In the distance, he could still hear the cries of his coworker in his mind, Dan! Dan! Dan!

Fear, terror, and disbelief.  It wasn’t over.

Before It’s Too Late

beach heart

 

Find the person you love

the one you don’t see

the one who is always

been your given fate.

Tell him you love him

give it all that you’ve got

hold on to him close

before it’s too late.

 

Don’t think of the words

don’t mind broken hearts

the issue is your happiness,

your life, and your fate.

Tell him you love him

give it all that you’ve got

hold onto him close

before it’s too late.

 

Your mind will play tricks

It’s so hard to see

the path is so dark

take a leap of faith.

Tell him you love him

give it all that you’ve got

hold onto him close

before it’s too late.

The Importance of a List

to do

There are two types of people: people who like using lists, and people who think lists are useless.  I am a person who loves lists.  I love everything about lists: making lists, checking things off my list, and telling people that if you want to plan your life better you need a list.  I 100% believe that lists could save you 80% of your time when done and utilized correctly.

Now, I’m not a list guru, (I give that title to my sister who, without lists, could have lost her mind by now), but I can still give you some pointers on how I use this wonderful tool.

Before I do so, let me give you one exercise you can do which would shine the light on your time management skills.

I once attended a time planning training where the instructor told us that to be able to see where your time is wasted you need to make a schedule of what you are doing for a week.  So basically, you would write down 7:00 – 7:15 a.m. wake up, 7:15 – 8:00 a.m. shower, dress, and get ready, 8:00 – 8:15 a.m. have breakfast and check the news (I wish!!), 8:15 -8:50 a.m. commute to work, and so on.  Of course, we shouldn’t forget to include all those little things that waste our times such as (play candy crush) and (chat on Whatsapp) or (stalk ex-boyfriend on Facebook heeheheh).  So I thought to myself, what an amazing idea! I’ll just do that and eliminate all my wasted time.  After a few days, I started seeing a pattern in my schedule: I waste a lot of time using the phone and not enough time doing anything I love and find significant.  I chose to change my routine and make conscious decision.  So now, when I catch myself doing something wasteful I tell myself make conscious decisions.  I also tell myself Are you really hungry, or are you just bored? But I’ll get to that story another time.

Anyhow, this is the first step:

1- Start by identifying your biggest time wasters and make a conscious decision about changing them.  This would give you a good chunk of time for work.  Schedule in your coffee and lunch breaks and give yourself time to breathe.  When you have that done, look at the number of hours you can work in awe.  This is your canvas.

2- Take a piece of paper (yes I am old fashioned) and write TO DO as a title.  Underline it twice to show yourself that this is a very important document.  Now leave a few lines (basically press enter twice) and write number one.  You can put a dash or a dot, your choice.  Great, you’ve got it so far.

3- Write down the things you need to do everyday at work.  So if  you have to print a specific report, check the cash invoices, file yesterday’s papers, or make specific calls, write those down.  This is your first category: your daily tasks.   These will not change, they are a crucial part of your job description.

4-Next, write down the things you need to do today.  I prefer to have a To Do list done in advance but if you feel like you are living in chaos at work, start with a list.  Write the things that need to be done.  A weekly to do list gives you plenty of time to shuffle the tasks around.

5- At the end of each task, draw a small box that you can check.  Checking the box feels SO good, trust me.  Keep the box.

6- Start working according to your list.  Start with your daily tasks and go on.  How you choose which task to start is your decision.  Some people say you shouldn’t check your email before noon (or whatever golden hour they seem to have researched) but come on!  You can check your email without replying, right?  It’s not like you have the tendency to lose yourself in emails.

7- Review your list.  You can make a daily list or you can have a general list (for people like me who don’t seem to get much done everyday).  For people with projects that take longer, instead of writing (Finalize the report) you can instead write (work on report due on…..) and check the box when you work on it.  The way I review my list is rewrite the things I didn’t complete and totally scratch off things that are done.  This feels better than the little tick.

 

So why are lists important?  Well, lists display what you need to do that day.  They keep you focused on your goal when you feel like life is chaotic.  With lists, you make sure that you don’t forget to do that thing you keep forgetting.  So you will catch yourself less often wondering (what did my boss ask me to do on Monday?)  Lists also service as a cute little motivational pat on the back.  The little ticks show you that you’ve done something.  During those days when you can’t make yourself work and you feel like you’d rather be home in bed, lists offer you some items that CAN be done with minimum effort.  You can choose your tasks and still feel like you’ve achieved something.  Finally, lists are fun to have especially if you categorize them based on your workload.  If you have your list numbered well and you have a bunch of papers you need to go through, your list can be the (cover) of your file with each page numbered.  So item #1 on your list will be the first set of papers, item #2 the second set, and so forth.  This HELPS with people who have a lot of paperwork.

In the end, lists help save your time.  Make conscious decisions, write up a list, and eat because you’re hungry, not bored.  Oh, I’ll get to that another time.  Till then, happy listings.

 

Tired Mothers

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Tired, like all mothers, I choose to stay awake just to have a little time for myself.  Just a few minutes, I say, I’ll be in bed by 10. Yeah right!  I’m never in bed by 10.  Sometimes I listen to the nothingness of the night for a couple of hours, I listen to the quietness around me and take it all in, still trying to wind down after a long and exhausting day.

I realize that I’ve been awake for a little bit too long.  Alright, if I sleep now, I would expect my baby to wake up in half an hour for his bottle.  So the dilemma begins: should I sleep or  should I stay awake?  Still questioning what to do next, my heavy eyelids give in and I fall asleep with the mobile phone in my hand, still open on the last page I was browsing.  Barely a few minutes later, I wake up when I hear the tossing and turning of my little boy.

And the night shift begins.

Like some days, nights can be long.  Many nights were spent sitting in bed with the baby in my arm and my head thrown on one side without any support to my neck.  Do you know the neck strains you used to have in high school when you wouldn’t be able to move for almost a week?  When you’re a mother, you are blessed with the miracle of feeling no pain!  You know why?  Because life must go on and you must be available, up and running at all times.

So half asleep, I look at my boy and smile.  It’s a true blessing to have a child who loves you and accepts you for who you are.  My boy doesn’t know what I did in my life nor does he care.  All that matters to him is that I’m his mother and I love him so much.  After he drinks his bottle, he pushes himself off my arm and onto my bed.  Cheeky boy.  He knows he wants to sleep on our bed so he cuddles against his father who just can’t say no.

Blessed, I smile and lay down.  I look over at my two favorite boys and think that God has truly been generous.  No-one said raising a child was easy; it’s a tough job only mothers can do.  Mothers aren’t well rested, pampered, and manicured women, they are tired, exhausted, and fatigued saints.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there.

كوكب اللامنطق

 

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لا يعي الكلمة

الا المهووس بالكلمة

ولا يقدر الحب

الا المتيم بالحب

فلا مكان لعديمي المشاعر

في حياتي

ولا مجال لذوو المنطق

في كوكبي

فأنا أعيش في كوكب اللامنطق

حيث القلب هو الامير

والعقل مسجون في المنفى

والنبضات ترقص وترقص وترقص

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