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Bedoor Bluemoon

Everyday writing to expose the soul

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Advice to your Younger Self

img_4483

A few days ago I was feeling nostalgic and the question, ‘what advice would you give yourself’ popped into my mind so I posted it on my Instagram.  I got one reply only.  I was expecting people to interact with my question given its severity and depth but, apparently, people are just like me: we choose not to think of this.

Why is that? Because it would mean that we have regrets in our lives and the more you dig into the ‘what ifs’ the more you will end up feeling like you should have known better.

Yes, you should have known better but this is you today comparing yourself to you back then.  You didn’t reach where you are today nor who you are without being that pimple faced lost teenager who doesn’t know better. The journey of being who you are started with that weirdo you once were and its alright.

Let’s go back to the question: what advice would you give your younger self? Would it be related to your health, wealth, social status, or what?  The advice, in my opinion, would probably be something that is aching you today, making you lose sleep and which still feels painfully real. So your advice is basically the issue in your life. You know when people say ‘he’s got issues?’ This is the ‘issue’ they’re referring to.

For me, till this day, I choose not to answer this question. I am too scared to look inside my soul and search for the thing that makes me ache but which, interestingly, is what makes me ‘me’. It is the thing that I know in my subconscious but act like I don’t which pushes it back even further to my inner soul and personality. I choose to coward away from looking inside, from choosing to unravel the complexity of myself. I choose to live today accepting the fact that I made mistakes and that I learned from.

Would you go back and do things differently?

If I could see what path it would lead to and I have my current blessings wih me would it be a better choice? It’s similar to a choose your own adventure book which were once so very popular. You get to make decisions in place of the character and I kept on peeking into the consequences of my decisions just to realize that it’s very rare that the book gives you a good ending so, why exchange what I have today and where I stand today for the unknown?

People who are regretting where they are and what they went through, please count your blessings. Count your blessings and know that grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side and if it is, try watering your own grass and make a difference in your life.

What advice would I give my younger self? Stop fretting and start doing. Things aren’t as complicated as they seem. Take control of your emotions and embrace them, speak up, and live.

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I wonder… if pilots have performance appraisals would it include “reduce the amount of turbulence by 70%” and “make sure to speak eloquently in the microphone so passengers can understand?”

cockpit-1

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Live a little-Put Your Phone Away

cpzzcoaveaadarv-rDJhH1

Mobile phones are becoming a continuation of our bodies.  They are forever glued to our hands and our eyes are always diverted towards the screen.  Is it the fact that these smart gadgets are opening new realms and worlds through the net or are we just choosing to live our lives away from everyone?  What amazing functionality have these mobile phones given us that they are taking over our thinking and daily relationships?

Let’s take the example of the calculator in the smart phone.  Now for people who have I-phones you can imagine how easy it it to access the calculator and find out the answer you’re looking for, whether it’s 40 x 2 or 76213 x 761.  It wouldn’t matter what the mathematical problem is, you are used to using the calculator on your phone that you have become dependent on it.  I’m not sure whether or not school students today are required to actually use their brains to multiply, divide, add, and subtract or are they allowed to use their smart phones to help assist with these problems that, honestly, can be done in a shorter time period.  Whether or not the development of their brains would be affected, I cannot say, I hope someone would actually conduct a study and we can find out 20 years from now how math actually helps/does not help us at all.

We used to have our friends’ phone numbers memorized, how many numbers do you know by heart?  It’s so much easier to get your gadget (go-go-gadget) and press the name without even acknowledging that there’s a number stored or even realizing that if you’re put in a situation with a public phone you would have no idea what number to call (given that your phone’s battery is dead).

I am not against smart phones, I understand that they are helpful devices that can make our lives easier.  An example of a great application is the maps that helps you get your location and find out how to get somewhere.  Here conspiracy theorists will be glad to inform me of the dangers of smart phones and location services, having Big Brother watch, listen, and know where we are all the time.  I doubt Big Brother cares where I buy my groceries, honestly, or when I talk about my day at work.  Big Brother can probably listen to more important and interesting conversations that mine.  🙂

Relationships nowadays are being affected by the constant use of smart phones.  When you’re with your mom, dad, husband/wife, sister, brother, and child, please have the decency to put the phone away.  You do not need to see the latest trends nor do you need to hear the latest joke sent on your Whatsapp.  You do not need to read the latest news about your favorite star nor do you need to look through the Instagram pictures of food, how to lose weight, latest fashion trends, or the bombardment of advertisements that just waste time.  And no, you do not need to hear every single snap from our fellow bloggers; their lives only seems interesting because this is the part of their lives that they choose to show you.

So instead of watching other people’s lives, try living yours.  Stop comparing your days to that of others, you don’t need to eat out everyday nor do you need to take pictures of your dinner if it’s just fish and chips.  You do not need to hang on every single word coming from strangers because it’s not important.  Think: what is important?  Will I DIE if I miss out on today’s Snapchat?  Is it your choice to watch someone’s day instead of living yours?  What kind of relationship will we have with our friends and family if we are too busy to listen?  How often have you put the phone down, kept it on silent, or stashed it away for a couple of hours just to spend time with others?

What matters most?

Who matters most?

Use your senses.  Use your eyes to capture memories, you have enough pictures already.  Live in the moment and cherish it in your heart.  Be there for your child when he/she speaks to you; give them your undivided attention because they’re worth it.  What use would pictures be when you’ve spent the last few years of your life using the smart phone instead of talking to your sick parent?  What use would it be if you weren’t really there to hold their hands and look into their eyes?  What use would it be if you aren’t saving and hanging onto every word they say?  What use would it be if your husband/wife feels neglected because you choose to play your candy crush game before going to bed every night instead of talking about your fears and dreams while you hold each other?

Use your senses.  Use your brains, accept your feelings, live your life and enjoy it.

What matters most?  Who matters most?

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Where Did We All Part Ways?


When parents choose schools for their children, they have in mind a specific social circle, a specific life style, and a specific group of people to be associated with. This is also kept in mind when purchasing a house or joining a country club. Being a part of a group matters, and being a part of a chosen group matters more.

Today, I came across a very very old VHS tape of an old school concert. Yes, you read it right, it was a tape and not a CD or DVD. Gladly, it was converted to a CD so we, in the 21st century, can have access to its hidden gems. A few minutes after laughing my head off, I started feeling nostalgic. All those people on the recording were a part of my life one day. You see, our school was a fairly young school back then so we knew all the students. A smile spread across my face as I saw myself dancing and trying to make sure I don’t miss a step. I saw people who I still have contact with on Facebook and people who I really wanted to know what became of them. Many different faces with many different stories: the boy who wrote me my first love letter and my cousin dancing along her once-best-friend.

Where did we all part ways?

When did this bunch of primary school students grow into teachers and engineers and racist lunatics and fanatics? How were we able to deviate so much from the group of sweet looking children dancing and smiling at our families in the crowd? How can one person grow up to be a politician whereas another be a yoga instructor? Did our parents really think this through when they enrolled us in the nursery?

When did our peaceful competition turn to hateful differences and racial discrimination? We never cared where any of us came from, when did we part ways? Where was the crossroad in our lives? I thought that graduation is the time where we would definitely part ways but I realized that we parted ways earlier. We parted ways when we started seeing the differences. We parted ways when we realized the difference in our backgrounds and starting comparing (and contrasting) ourselves. When we were all on that stage, everything was perfect, our individual differences made sense. Our makeup was done by our music teacher who loved us all individually, our hair was styled as we saw best (by we I mean our mothers), and our dresses were, honestly, gorgeous.

We were so pure and innocent, where did we give ourselves the right to judge? When did we think we were better and when did we lose sense of the dance of life? When did we all part ways?

Where did we all part ways?

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You Are Not Your Job

batman

TV shows have a large impact on social life especially when it runs for more than a few years.  Hanging out in coffee shops became popular after the TV show Friends and ladies jumped into Rachel’s (Jennifer Anniston) haircut from season two.  Recently, many TV shows are related to doctors and so instead of Rachel’s beautiful shag we see men and women wearing their lab coats out in public.

The first question I would like to ask is why are you wearing the lab coat?  Don’t hospitals offer you lockers?  Do you go out of the house wearing them and keep them on?  It is such a predicament to me that I cannot accept it.  Now this was my opinion when I saw the doctors (residents, trainees, I’m not sure if someone just bought a lab coat to fit in) in Starbucks.  Fine, doctors need coffee too and I would really appreciate a doctor high on caffeine; plus it’s a great place to sit and chat and study.  The thing is, a few days ago I saw three women in lab coats walking in the mall!  Now that is a new level of crazy.

Trying to think as a person working in HR and not a cynic, I thought that maybe these women were proud to be doctors and are ready to jump in whenever needed.  Similarly, Bat Man walks around in his cape too.  Therefore, they identify themselves as heroes and have high employee engagement.  Now going back to TV, I’ve seen many movies when an accident occurs (specifically in air planes), the stewardess would shout “Is there a doctor here?” and a man a few seats back would say, “yes, I’m a doctor, give me some space.”  And the action would continue.  This man is usually not wearing a lab coat.  Thus, lesson number one: you do not need to wear your lab coat to be a doctor.

When we are introduced to someone, a common question that comes up is “what do you do for a living?”  Sometimes the question isn’t asked and we immediately think of informing the new acquaintance of our profession.  Why is that?  This is where I’d like to say you are not your job.  The need to be identified with a career is making people concentrate on titles more than their actual growth in life.  Children don’t need to inform each other what they do, we don’t see a child say that he is a student because it doesn’t matter.  Does it really matter what you do for a living?  Yes. But is it the only thing that identifies who you are?  It shouldn’t be.

It’s true that we spend a big chunk of our adult life at work but we need to be reminded time and again that life is not work.  The concept “work-life balance” needs to be renamed since they are not different, it’s just a matter of time management.  Yes a part of who we are today is made up from what we do but it’s not the only thing.  For example, a working mother understands the importance of juggling the different aspects in her life and so her role in life is more varied and she can “log off” when she leaves work because there are other pressing matters to tackle.  The urge and desire to grow in our careers sometimes take our eyes away from the beauty of life, we are so preoccupied with the race that we are missing the scenery.

Life goes on, you don’t want to wake up and realize that you spent it at work.

There are Work life balance assessment tools that can be found on-line, this is the wheel of life with its different areas.  Even without taking the assessment, you can immediately see what you are dismissing, whether knowingly or not.

wheel-of-life-300x300 *Example of Wheel of Life

Another thing to consider when trying to manage your time is your priorities.  Identify your priorities in the Wheel and come to peace with your choices.  If you end up with Family and Friends having a low number and you are ok with that, then it’s fine.  There is no correct answer to how the wheel should look for it to function.  It should just work for you.  In addition, priorities change over time and you need to pay attention to these changes and change your life (and wheel) accordingly.

An interesting clip I found is Steven Covey’s First things first Youtube Clip which portrays time as a bowl.  The woman in this clip is asked to fill the bowl with business related issues but imagine trying to fit your bowl with all life aspects.  Time is limited and it’s what you do with your time that matters.  Follow your dreams, look where you are going, and be thankful for what you have.  You are not your job, you do not need to wear your lab coat everywhere because you are more than just what you do.  Find out what you like and pursue it, you only live once.

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قهوتي المُرّة

نحتسي القهوة ونحن نعلم بأن مرارة الأيام

ليست بلذة مرارة القهوة

فنعيش معها واقعنا المرير

نتذكر الآهات ودروس الحياة الصعبة

نتذكر مَن كانوا معنا يوماً

وابتعدوا بلا سبب

ونتذكر من كانوا معنا يوماً

وابتعدوا بعدألف سبب

وألف غصّة

وألف دمعة

ونحتسي القهوة المُرّة

نتذكر مرارة الفراق

ونغوص في احلامنا المتكسّرة

فنكاد نراها أمامنا خلال البُن الداكن

الا انها تتضح

سراب

فنأخذ رشفة أخرى نتعذب بالمرارة

قهوتنا: واقعنا المرير

وذكرياتنا المؤلمة

واحلامنا المتكسّرة

فربما (دلق) القهوة

يُبعد الشر فلا نتذكر

شر ذكرياتنا وافكارنا

وخيالنا الجامح

(وألف (لَو

خذيني يا قهوتي الى الماضي

واتركيني أسبح في جراحي

 وأذوب

لأشرب بعد مُر قهوتي

كوباً من الماء

يصفّي ذهني

ويعود بي الى اليوم

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طفل سوريا

image

لا تشح بوجهك عني

انظر ما اصبح من حالي

كنت في بلدي البسيطُ

طفلٌ يلعبْ، ولا يبالي

حالتي، نعم، لم تسرُّ

ولكن امي كانت قبالي

تقبّلني كلَّ يومٍ

ارتمي دوماً في الأحضانِ

تُلبسني احمر او اخضرْ

تشتري كلُّ ما في بالي

كنتُ مدلَّلٌ محبوبٌ

تَعَبَتْ لتوفِّر كلُّ آمالي

ويوماً سَمِعْتُ أنّ الحربَ

جائَت لِتسرِقَ كلُّ ما لي

أصبَحَتْ امي كالمجنونة

مصدومة بهالاحوالِ

ولا زِلتُ العبْ وأرقص

فما الداعي لكل قتالِ؟

مطمئنٌ كنتُ كلّ ليلة

العب، أرضع، فأنامِ

وتبقى امي ساهرةً

تضرِبُ اخماسٍ واسداسِ

كأنها علمت بأن الموتَ

سَيُخلِّد يوماً أنفاسي

وجاء ذا اليوم المشؤومُ

انقلبت كلُّ حساباتي

لن اكبرَ وأصبح طبيبا

سأكونُ عَبْرةَ الجيّاشِ

احضنّي يا بحر، احضنّي

لن اري قلمْ او كرّاسِ

سلامٌ لك يا كُرَتي

سلامٌ يا كلّ النَّاسِ

فها أنا ذا الطفلُ البسيطُ

افضحُ نوايا ذوي الكراسي

خيالُ طفلٍ على شاطئ

مات، ومات الإحساسِ

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Know your Employees, Get Better Results

There are many ideas and theories regarding how to best motivate people in general and employees in specific.  Most managers remember the X, Y, and Z theories of management from back in college in addition to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs which has been altered recently to add a new primitive and basic need: WIFI.  I have seen an image of the pyramid with ” battery” at the bottom but thought they were taking it a little too far.  To refresh your memory, Maslow stated that all people have the same needs which he then segregated to physiological, safety, esteem, and self actualization (as shown below).  It’s not a difficult concept but back in college, it was just a theory.

Maslow-hierarchy

When we finally got employed and for those of us who are fortunate to be deemed managers, we were given employees and told that we now have the role of motivating them.  So what we all did was go back to our textbooks and started researching “motivation.”

Through the process of trial and error, thinking that I was sometimes too lenient and sometimes too strict, and at other times thinking that I was not cut out for this job and introverts should stay away from life as it is, I came to realize that theories were put in place as tools to help us and as guidelines to set our course.  It has come to my attention that the employee I spend time talking and listening to is usually more motivated than another employee who I haven’t met with for a while.  Why is that?

Communication is key.  Knowing how the employee thinks and what he is looking for helps you, as a manager, identify what motivates him.  An employee who seems to look forward to going out in the weekends and spending time with friends would probably appreciate time off work or additional vacation days.  It doesn’t just rely on where that person is in his life, as in whether the employee is single or married, has kids, is thinking of retiring, and so forth, it also relies on the individual and his personal goals.

So let me give you a few pointers that could help:

1- When you have someone newly employed, talk to them.  Listen to their life story and try to understand what kind of person he/she is.  You will be surprised to know that most people lead a fairly similar life to you and usually have pretty clear goals.

2- Look at your employees, read their faces.  Employees are people who get affected by what goes on in their life.  They cannot just leave their problems at the door; it’s not possible, they are human.  Read their faces and find out what “happy” looks like and what “sad” or “disappointed” looks like.  You mostly need these two emotions to motivate.

3- Take cues from others.  When you hear that employee X is unhappy, he probably is unhappy.  Listen to people then try to find out if it’s true.

4- Listen to stories and try to make connections.  Many things happen around the office and when you hear that employee Y is a family man and loves his kids very much, consider that a point you can use to motivate him when needed.  So when employee Y does something good, maybe you can give him a gift voucher for a family dinner or offer to help with providing medical insurance for his pregnant wife to help with expenses:  something related to family.  More about this subject on my previous post Buying The Perfect Gift can be applied here.

5- Know your employees at a personal level without getting personal with them. This is very tricky because you don’t want to be mistaken as a friend but rather as a very nice boss.  A boss which they can talk to but who would not be invited over for birthday parties.  This is a very delicate balance where you need to be empathetic but not a pushover.  This could sometimes makes it hard to discipline but the key is to maintain their respect.

6- Do not over-complicate matters.  Some people just want and need money, others want time off, some want to be thanked in private, others want to be appreciated in public.  And of course, someone is out there to take over your job.  Your role is to know what the employee needs AT THAT TIME since needs constantly change.

Get to know your employees to be able to motivate them.  Everyone is different and people change over time.  Truly understand what makes them happy “tick” and what makes them sad “tock”  Talk to your employees: be their leader, be their coach.  Navigate them to succeed in their lives and you will get better results.

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قلبا لا ينسى

girl at beach

وبعد سنواتٍ قضيناها معا

افترقنا

وافترقـَت طرقنا

ومضينا لنعيش حياة أخرى

بعيدة عن أحلامنا السابقة

حياة لا لذة فيها

 افترقنا

بعد أيام عشناها في الهوى

ومضينا لنعيش ولا نعيش

نرى الدنيا بلا ألوان

ولا نسمع زقزقة العصافير

افترفنا

وها نحن اليوم نلتقي صدفة

احسست بنبض خفيف في قلبي

فتسائلت

أعادت لي الروح؟

هل من حياة بعد الفراق؟

وهل من بعد الظلام نور؟

فبعد أن افترقنا

ماتت جميع مشاعري

وبت صدفة بلا لؤلؤة

اسبح في معركة الحياة

وارتمي على شواطئ الأحزان

وأموت

فالفراق أهلكني

والحياة أماتتني

والآمال خذلتني

والقلب اشترى تذكرة ليسافر

ولا يعود

فلِمَ عُدتَ يا قلبي؟

لماذا تريدُ أن تقلّب المواجع

وتذكرني بالماضي البهيج؟

لا تذكرني

فقد رضيت بحياتي المملة

وواجهت الليالي الخالية

واعتدت الحياة دونك

أمثّل السعادة دوما

وأبكي ليلا ويوما

وبداخلي فراغُ ما بعد الألم

وفي عينيَّ ضبابُ ما بعد البكاء

وفي جوفي حريق لا ينطفئ

ابتعد

واذهب بعيدا

فقد افترقنا

وعشنا حياة ليست بحياة

دون طعم، دون لون، دون حب

لا تغير رأيك الآن

فقد فات الأوان

والحياة أيامها تمضي

والقرارات لا تعود

أذهب بعيدا وانسى

سنوات ضياعٍ ما أقساها

قلبا لا ينسى ولا يموت

وقلبا ينسى ولا ينسى

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