ابعد مجهرك عني
وابعد قلمك الأحمر
فأنا لست ورقة امتحان تصححها
ولست طالبتك لتوبخني
ولا ان تعلمني قوانين الفيزياء
لا تحتاج تربيتي
فأنا اربي اجيال
وانت؟
تربي كتب العلوم
والأيديولوجيات
في مكتبتك
لتبقى وحيدا
دون قلب
When parents choose schools for their children, they have in mind a specific social circle, a specific life style, and a specific group of people to be associated with. This is also kept in mind when purchasing a house or joining a country club. Being a part of a group matters, and being a part of a chosen group matters more.
Today, I came across a very very old VHS tape of an old school concert. Yes, you read it right, it was a tape and not a CD or DVD. Gladly, it was converted to a CD so we, in the 21st century, can have access to its hidden gems. A few minutes after laughing my head off, I started feeling nostalgic. All those people on the recording were a part of my life one day. You see, our school was a fairly young school back then so we knew all the students. A smile spread across my face as I saw myself dancing and trying to make sure I don’t miss a step. I saw people who I still have contact with on Facebook and people who I really wanted to know what became of them. Many different faces with many different stories: the boy who wrote me my first love letter and my cousin dancing along her once-best-friend.
Where did we all part ways?
When did this bunch of primary school students grow into teachers and engineers and racist lunatics and fanatics? How were we able to deviate so much from the group of sweet looking children dancing and smiling at our families in the crowd? How can one person grow up to be a politician whereas another be a yoga instructor? Did our parents really think this through when they enrolled us in the nursery?
When did our peaceful competition turn to hateful differences and racial discrimination? We never cared where any of us came from, when did we part ways? Where was the crossroad in our lives? I thought that graduation is the time where we would definitely part ways but I realized that we parted ways earlier. We parted ways when we started seeing the differences. We parted ways when we realized the difference in our backgrounds and starting comparing (and contrasting) ourselves. When we were all on that stage, everything was perfect, our individual differences made sense. Our makeup was done by our music teacher who loved us all individually, our hair was styled as we saw best (by we I mean our mothers), and our dresses were, honestly, gorgeous.
We were so pure and innocent, where did we give ourselves the right to judge? When did we think we were better and when did we lose sense of the dance of life? When did we all part ways?
Where did we all part ways?
عودي اليّ بعد يومكِ الطويل
وتقمّصكِ دور اللبؤة
تدافع عن صغارها وتجول في الاماكن
متيقضة، غامضة، وجاهزة للانقضاض
عودي اليّ واسدلي بشعركِ المسجون
اعتقيه من لفتّه الضاغطة
ودعيه يتمايل على ظهرك بتموّجه
دعيه يرتطم على صدري
كالبحر الغاضب
ودعيه يشعر بأناملي تحدّثه
وتسرد أخبار يومي المجنون
فأنا أتوق إلى الجلوس مع شعرك
لأخفي في طيّاته الكثير
عودي اليّ بعد يومكِ الطويل
وتقمّصك دور اللبؤة
اعيدي مخالبك إلى الدولاب
وامسحي وجههك الباهت من التعب
وضعي مساحيق الحب وائتني… قطة
تمشي باستحياء بثوبها المخملي
ائتني لأزيح همّك بابتسامة شكر
وأريح بالك بحلول منطقية
وأكون جبلا صامدا يحميك
لكيلا تكوني لي لبؤة
فهذا الدور لا يناسب عشّنا الصغير
كوني للناس لبؤة
وكوني لي… أنتِ
TV shows have a large impact on social life especially when it runs for more than a few years. Hanging out in coffee shops became popular after the TV show Friends and ladies jumped into Rachel’s (Jennifer Anniston) haircut from season two. Recently, many TV shows are related to doctors and so instead of Rachel’s beautiful shag we see men and women wearing their lab coats out in public.
The first question I would like to ask is why are you wearing the lab coat? Don’t hospitals offer you lockers? Do you go out of the house wearing them and keep them on? It is such a predicament to me that I cannot accept it. Now this was my opinion when I saw the doctors (residents, trainees, I’m not sure if someone just bought a lab coat to fit in) in Starbucks. Fine, doctors need coffee too and I would really appreciate a doctor high on caffeine; plus it’s a great place to sit and chat and study. The thing is, a few days ago I saw three women in lab coats walking in the mall! Now that is a new level of crazy.
Trying to think as a person working in HR and not a cynic, I thought that maybe these women were proud to be doctors and are ready to jump in whenever needed. Similarly, Bat Man walks around in his cape too. Therefore, they identify themselves as heroes and have high employee engagement. Now going back to TV, I’ve seen many movies when an accident occurs (specifically in air planes), the stewardess would shout “Is there a doctor here?” and a man a few seats back would say, “yes, I’m a doctor, give me some space.” And the action would continue. This man is usually not wearing a lab coat. Thus, lesson number one: you do not need to wear your lab coat to be a doctor.
When we are introduced to someone, a common question that comes up is “what do you do for a living?” Sometimes the question isn’t asked and we immediately think of informing the new acquaintance of our profession. Why is that? This is where I’d like to say you are not your job. The need to be identified with a career is making people concentrate on titles more than their actual growth in life. Children don’t need to inform each other what they do, we don’t see a child say that he is a student because it doesn’t matter. Does it really matter what you do for a living? Yes. But is it the only thing that identifies who you are? It shouldn’t be.
It’s true that we spend a big chunk of our adult life at work but we need to be reminded time and again that life is not work. The concept “work-life balance” needs to be renamed since they are not different, it’s just a matter of time management. Yes a part of who we are today is made up from what we do but it’s not the only thing. For example, a working mother understands the importance of juggling the different aspects in her life and so her role in life is more varied and she can “log off” when she leaves work because there are other pressing matters to tackle. The urge and desire to grow in our careers sometimes take our eyes away from the beauty of life, we are so preoccupied with the race that we are missing the scenery.
Life goes on, you don’t want to wake up and realize that you spent it at work.
There are Work life balance assessment tools that can be found on-line, this is the wheel of life with its different areas. Even without taking the assessment, you can immediately see what you are dismissing, whether knowingly or not.
*Example of Wheel of Life
Another thing to consider when trying to manage your time is your priorities. Identify your priorities in the Wheel and come to peace with your choices. If you end up with Family and Friends having a low number and you are ok with that, then it’s fine. There is no correct answer to how the wheel should look for it to function. It should just work for you. In addition, priorities change over time and you need to pay attention to these changes and change your life (and wheel) accordingly.
An interesting clip I found is Steven Covey’s First things first Youtube Clip which portrays time as a bowl. The woman in this clip is asked to fill the bowl with business related issues but imagine trying to fit your bowl with all life aspects. Time is limited and it’s what you do with your time that matters. Follow your dreams, look where you are going, and be thankful for what you have. You are not your job, you do not need to wear your lab coat everywhere because you are more than just what you do. Find out what you like and pursue it, you only live once.
When I was in elementary school, not a very long time ago, our English teacher was giving us a class on idioms and figurative speech. For people who don’t remember, idioms are basically sayings that are used to express the meaning of the situation with a bit of drama and pizzazz.
That’s when we learned “it’s raining cats and dogs,” “the grass is always greener on the other side” and “it’s not my cup of tea.” Interestingly, I thought that was the last time I’d come across idioms since, in the real world and specifically in the business world, there’s no place for idioms (or emoticons.)
I was wrong.
Imagine this: I was sitting in my office with my business hat on trying to follow up on a shipment that was delayed for no apparent reason. So I, being very professional in my emails, started with a courtesy, asked nicely but firmly about the shipment, and ended with a nice closing.
A few minutes later, I get a reply that started with my name misspelled. (long pause) This is not and never is a good start to any email. A few lines into the email I come to a halt staring at the unimaginable words: (please hold your horses).
WHAT????
I was dumbfounded. I could not believe that anyone would use such rude and unprofessional words in a business context. But what I did learn in this situation is if you want to catch someone off guard, use an idiom.
For reference, these a few:
1- It’s raining cats and dogs – can be used when a colleague you barely know brings up the weather to fill in the silence. You can say, “it’s raining cats and dogs” if it is raining heavily but you could also say “it’s not raining cats and dogs”
2-“the grass is greener on the other side”- can be used when your boss is scolding you and you feel like you are getting fired. Please note that you will probably get fired after this
3- It’s not my cup of tea- can also be used with your boss when he/she gives you work you are not comfortable doing or you just don’t want to do. Please note that this is not good for your performance evaluation. Alternatively, you can also use it when someone is asking about an actual cup of tea in the break room. To do so, you need to position yourself in the break room and have a cup of tea near you but not directly in front of you. Try to engage the person in a conversation regarding the item he/she is holding. For instance, start with, “is this your sandwich?” then casually say while pointing to the cup “it’s not my cup of tea.”
4- Hold your horses- also hazardous but you could get away with it when talking to your fellow colleagues.
And finally
5- You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. DO NOT USE THIS. THIS MAY BACKFIRE IN SO MANY WAYS!
Choose your words wisely, they can move mountains.
Nights.
When a dear one departs, nights are the worst. You are left with your own thoughts and memories. You are left with the emptiness of the furniture. You are left with an empty chair, an empty bed, and a lot of clothes.
Clothes and possessions of your loved one. Night time passes by so slowly and you are stuck with clothes … Stuck with a hair brush, a bottle of shampoo, and shoes.
Stuck with a Facebook account you have no password for and you just stare at the screen. You go back to the closet and run your hand over one of the tops. You remember the time you bought it together and the many times you discussed throwing it away. You wonder if you have to throw it away now.
You clasp your fist around the fabric as hard as your heart is clenched and a tear rolls down your cheek.
Night.
No one to talk to, no one to help you forget the bedside table with the stain where a coaster should have been.
You look over at the closet again. Too many clothes.
Night time is the worst.
You are left with many unclaimed possessions… Darkness… And clothes.
(الله يمسح على قلبكم بيت عمو مجيد)
فلتعزف الموسيقى
ولترتفع الألحان
فلا أقوى الجلوس في صمت مع نفسي
فلتدق الطبول
ولتعوي القيتارة
ولا اسمع قلبي المفتون المقتول يبكي
لا أقوى سماع العتب
ولا أقوى البكاء اكثر
تعبت…
فلتعزف الموسيقى الصاخبة لأرقص
وأتوه في جنون الحياة
مع من يراهم البعض احياء
ونرى أنفسنا اشلاء ممزقة
تنتظر النسيان
لا أقوى الجلوس في صمت مع نفسي
نحتسي القهوة ونحن نعلم بأن مرارة الأيام
ليست بلذة مرارة القهوة
فنعيش معها واقعنا المرير
نتذكر الآهات ودروس الحياة الصعبة
نتذكر مَن كانوا معنا يوماً
وابتعدوا بلا سبب
ونتذكر من كانوا معنا يوماً
وابتعدوا بعدألف سبب
وألف غصّة
وألف دمعة
ونحتسي القهوة المُرّة
نتذكر مرارة الفراق
ونغوص في احلامنا المتكسّرة
فنكاد نراها أمامنا خلال البُن الداكن
الا انها تتضح
سراب
فنأخذ رشفة أخرى نتعذب بالمرارة
قهوتنا: واقعنا المرير
وذكرياتنا المؤلمة
واحلامنا المتكسّرة
فربما (دلق) القهوة
يُبعد الشر فلا نتذكر
شر ذكرياتنا وافكارنا
وخيالنا الجامح
(وألف (لَو
خذيني يا قهوتي الى الماضي
واتركيني أسبح في جراحي
وأذوب
لأشرب بعد مُر قهوتي
كوباً من الماء
يصفّي ذهني
ويعود بي الى اليوم
لا تشح بوجهك عني
انظر ما اصبح من حالي
كنت في بلدي البسيطُ
طفلٌ يلعبْ، ولا يبالي
حالتي، نعم، لم تسرُّ
ولكن امي كانت قبالي
تقبّلني كلَّ يومٍ
ارتمي دوماً في الأحضانِ
تُلبسني احمر او اخضرْ
تشتري كلُّ ما في بالي
كنتُ مدلَّلٌ محبوبٌ
تَعَبَتْ لتوفِّر كلُّ آمالي
ويوماً سَمِعْتُ أنّ الحربَ
جائَت لِتسرِقَ كلُّ ما لي
أصبَحَتْ امي كالمجنونة
مصدومة بهالاحوالِ
ولا زِلتُ العبْ وأرقص
فما الداعي لكل قتالِ؟
مطمئنٌ كنتُ كلّ ليلة
العب، أرضع، فأنامِ
وتبقى امي ساهرةً
تضرِبُ اخماسٍ واسداسِ
كأنها علمت بأن الموتَ
سَيُخلِّد يوماً أنفاسي
وجاء ذا اليوم المشؤومُ
انقلبت كلُّ حساباتي
لن اكبرَ وأصبح طبيبا
سأكونُ عَبْرةَ الجيّاشِ
احضنّي يا بحر، احضنّي
لن اري قلمْ او كرّاسِ
سلامٌ لك يا كُرَتي
سلامٌ يا كلّ النَّاسِ
فها أنا ذا الطفلُ البسيطُ
افضحُ نوايا ذوي الكراسي
خيالُ طفلٍ على شاطئ
مات، ومات الإحساسِ
Bedoor Bluemoon 